why can't I cope longer?

Not angry @Former-Member disappointed. I could see where you were coming from and were hurting but did not think your approach to ask people to stay away was in keeping with the supportive nature of the forum - especially when one in particular - @Shaz51 - was providing you support and a hand of friendship. We all have our own things to deal with here and conflict of any nature can have an adverse effect on more than just those involved. I care for you as I do others here and the last thing that I want to see is people being hurt. It does not change my support here for you or the relationship we have developed over time but I believe part of that friendship is to let you know that you could have done things differently. I am sorry that people - including you have been hurt in all this Hon - and fully understand it has been a really difficult time for you. I can only imagine how much the loss of this neighbour has had on you. As I said earlier - grief can manifest itself in different ways and for you that would have been extra hard to deal with having become close to this neighbour in the last couple of months. That feeling of loneliness and isolation would have certainly reared it's head again and I do know how deep that can run and how it can make us feel so alone. Your little world as you know it comes crashing down - it is not just the loss of a friend but of hope - really feeling for you on both fronts

Just read your last post @Former-Member - I don't think it is a case of nobody caring Hon - I certainly saw people that did. Sometimes it is more a case of not wanting to get involved or avoiding situations that are difficult. Tensions or conflicts can trigger many things in many of us and avoiding that is often what we need to do for our own self-care. It is unfortunate that that also came at a time when you really needed support with the loss of your neighbour although I have seen others supportig you with that. I was certainly in no place to even be on the forum myself earlier in the week - we all have our own paths to travel and along the way it can mean we cannot provide that support - that is not a reflection of anyone but more on where we are at.

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I need to down screen for a while. Can't be honest here & Bad headache. Might plant some cosmos seeds in my friends honour. Hey, none of this petty rubbish will matter once we're in heaven. So... today I'm trying to bring a little heaven into my day. Take care 💜

One of my biggest problems with the forum is when people - a lot of people - see that they 'own' a thread and talk about it as their thread @Former-Member It brings a sense of exclusion to others and is against what the forum is about. Whilst I agree you have as much right to feel safe as anyone else here - no-one has the right to dictate where or when people post. In saying that though it is unfortunate when others cannot take a step back and see that someone needs space as that can inflame an already precarious situation for the person needing space. I do understand where you were coming from with needing some sense of closure from a previous hurt - and yes I agree that words can hurt and do make a difference - I back you up in that.

As for taking sides - I wouldn't be replying to you if that was the case ...and I think I see more than you know ...across the whole forum. I don't always post - rarely in fact in response to some things - sometimes because I don't want to get involved and sometimes because honestly it does not involve people I have a relationship with here. So to see people I care about in conflict is hard and it is that way because I care for all of them. There will no doubt be longer running issues across time between some members and that is why we must hold onto those that support us when we can.

What is important - as I see it - is that you have support here and moving forward you can connect with those that are here with you and value the connections we have with you. Those connections also apply to other people - that does not mean that people are taking sides but see the value and friendships with each one of those relationships for themselves. It is not a matter of choosing one side or another but in moving forward with different relationships with different people - and very much hoping that healing can begin with each and every one of those people both on the forum and offline.

It is no doubt going to be a very difficult week for you again with the funeral on Tuesday. Please reach out here for that support to help you get through it all @Former-Member - you have my support and continue to have my friendship here.

Yes it is a bummer about the job but I won't know anymore until later in the year (hopefully) - I didn't find out about this year until the Friday before we started on the Monday. I will get onto the HR person in the holidays and get that ball rolling though. I want a definitive answer this year as to a permanent placement - I can't be doing this again for another year - and I am a permanent emplyee of the department so they need to place me.

I am babysitting my sister's dog until later tonight. Both dogs are asleep at the moment but as soon as I move they will be up as well - I have 2 shadows today lol. I have a lot of marking and report writing to do also before I finish up on this class. I was informed this week that the normal teacher is actually back in the last week and that she would be on class again. It would have been nice to know that before I began this term but we did have an acting Principal at the end of last term so he may not have known that. Then there is footy (my team) to watch tonight and a couple of things I want to catch up on today also. It is a nice day so the washing is out - one job at least done for today.

@Former-Member Planting some cosmos seeds is a great idea to honour your friend

Hope the fresh air and a little sunlight helps with your headache as well.

Check in later when you can to let me know how you are feeling Hon

@Former-Member I don’t and never have seen an ugly person. I don’t know what to say, other than what @Zoe7 has said. No side taking, just people caring as best we all can, when we can. Listening and sitting caring when I can along with others here who care also. 💜💕💜💕

I amm soo sorry my @Former-Member

I really do care for you soo much

I was not good the other day when you asked if I was ok xx

It was the anniversary that i lost my 3 step grandchildren and my step S3 ex girlfriend rang me up and she still calls me mum

it was soo hard my friend

I can not and never ban you my darling , I have known you for 4 years now xoxoxo