why can't I cope longer?

Thanks everyone, I'm ok thanks, eventually crashed and slept well. Dont think im imagining things 😕 it didnt help that I had posts deleted yesterday (for appearing to 'elude' to someone 😕 forcing me to relive / dig up evidence of bulling on the forums to defend myself (still waiting moderator review), all fraying emotions just before the bad news.

The shock of my neighbour friend must have tapped into / compounded past grief. Really lost the plot for aafew hours there (not crying, just adrenaline and pacing and brain shutdown (keys in fridge kinda thing), hi lady was more than a neighbour too, she restored my hope in humanity with her inclusive generosity, friendly helpful smile every day for the last 4months, the closest thing I have to a friend in this town.

I did go out to grab Bailes, and had big walk around Bunnings (who let you bring dogs in... GG pooped first time ever 🤨 hmm, what to do? they have toot & toot paper phew! probably need to put together cleanup supplies in my handbag, or toilet her first drr), grabbed tubing to fix washing machine problem.

Got home about 8pm and another troubled neighbour who worries me had her light on, so went up to see if she was ok because she lives alone, just had a birthday, was close to this neighbour for 11yrs, and lost her own son a couple of months back... She was ok, on tge phone, but drunk and insisted I have a wine with her and smoke, how could I say no... but we raised glasses in our friends honour, and our lost kids. She didn't want me to go but I had GG and really shouldn't smoke and drink more... So many hurting ppl in the world.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm ok (because we're all gonna die anyway lol) and thank yas for lovely images and support messages. The good does outweigh the bad and I thank you all. Wasn't gonna tag but will in case I'm deleted again. Love and blessings to you all... @Maggie @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Adge ... where's @Zoe7 disappeared to? HUGZZ

@Former-Member

Hi @Former-Member

I'm sorry to hear that yesterday was especially hard for you. It can be incredibly distressing when you are limited in voicing your experiences, whilst feeling you need to defend yourself by digging up painful experiences from the past.

Bullying is never OK - especially, not on the SANE Forums! Safety for all members is an uttermost priority to us. In this light, if you would like to discuss these matters further, and/or how the SANE Forums Team could make this community a safer place for you, please email team@saneforums.org.

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché

I'm relieved to hear from you this morning @Former-Member , so thank you for your update. Its good that you found your other neighbour and you were both able to raise a glass to your now departed lovely neighbour. Sounds like you both have things in common, and maybe you could become closer to this other neighbour as well. Losing a child must be an immense heartache, one which someone who has not experienced, simply cannot comprehend I think.

Aww ... poor little GG, she probably was feeling your distress and was not her usual controlled self. They pick up on our emotions so much dont they? But it is a good idea to always have something in your bag in case of little accidents such as yesterday at Bunnings.

Perhaps my wording re 'imagining' was not the right word to use there, and I'm sorry if that upset you. I was trying to validate your feelings on the matter, but at the same time acknowledge that when under extreme duress and met with similar circumstances I jump to the conclusion that I am being unfairly persecuted. I might add that I have been in exactly the same situation elsewhere, so I believe I know exactly how you feel. Was I being unfairly persecuted? Yes I still believe I was, but thats history now. I have been well treated here, thankfully, and it has restored my faith and trust in 'the system' to a large extent. I hope you can clear up the issue soon with managers, because it has the potential to fester and grow if not settled.

I have to say ... well done on restricting the smokes and alcohol last night ... you did well. Re Zoe, we are all concerned about Zoe because she has not been on here for several days now. Really hoping she is okay.

Take care EOR, you are important and you are also much loved around here. Please keep checking in through this difficult time where past grief has kicked in for you. Definately not an easy time for you.

Sherry 🌹

Thanks Beautiful Souls

I'll never ever forget the kindness that has been here 💜💕

@ @ @

@Shaz51

Hi everyone. What a rollercoaster week, I can't process yet, just really hurting and dont really think it's all my fault. Though outcomes make it look that way. I've tried ringing the helpline hoping tone of voice might help but they're always busy. Had to talk with case manager about next week's tribunal hearing and didn't realise how bad I was 'till I heard him say the words "if you'll just calm down and listen..." (he wasn't listening to me either)... na, communication is hard, I always end up the rattle snake in the bus just trying to find a way out. There's no safe place for me to voice much of the toumoil within, it seems. My new neighbour friend's funeral isn't 'till Tuesday, I thought I'd like to go but not sure I'd cope after the emotional and psychological abuse I've endured since, ouchy, not on my own... might tip me over the edge... i want to, but can't self assess well atm...

gone downhill, numb... 'tis what it is. I don't mean to / want to hurt people or be a burden... sometimes being selective and drawing boundaries gets tricky, especially when coming from shakey ground. I'm sorry I'm ugly, and chase people away,, makes me self harm... and this loss trigger 😢

OMG! small mecies, GG dog clammering for my attention more than ever, snuggling up close, so cute, I need to be with her. Bye for now...

We all deal with stressful and emotional situations differently @Former-Member and no-one here wants anyone to be hurting. ...we must all be wary of the words we use and the way they are delivered and whilst there is some fault from many angles it is ultimately up to us to heal that hurt. You have gone a long way to doing that by posting here today and also letting us know how you have been and are going now. The loss of that neighbour no doubt triggered a lot in you - you spoke so fondly of her over the little time you knew her. She gave you a sense of place with her kindness and support and you had someone you connected with and could talk to - that was all so important for you in an unfamilair place with no other support around. The shock alone would have adversely affected you and I think many of us here understand that that made you dwell on past experiences and under different circumstances may have dealt with it all differently.

Time now to move forward and rebuild those relationships because you have as much right as anyone to be here and have support as well - and I hear you need that so much right now with all that you are going through as well.

Cuddle up to GG and feel her love and when you are ready come back to us here