why can't I cope longer?

I'm sorry to hear you had some bad news today @Former-Member I hope you're okay.

Yes sure, you can share some of my Irish whisky (virtually unfortunately).

My stamina has not picked up. It's a struggle to get through each day - that's a physical struggle, not mood or MI.

Yes constant fatigue does impact on mood (absolutely).

The penny dropped today (for my psychologist) - when I told her how badly my Mum treated me, when I left home (at age 21).

I was subjected to prolonged verbal harrassment (by my Mum) over the phone - for many years.

My psych said that she finally (now) understands why contact with my Mum is so disempowering (extremely difficult).

Adge

Doesn't help with a mother like that @Adge My mum was same. Now she's died and that voice is still in my head... not saying much good. I think maybe we never escape our childhood. Its a nice feeling your psychologist FINALLY got it... Nice to be heard 💗

Im not ok

You know how I just moved to a new town? My first and only friend here, a neighbour who gave me plants and garden tips etc and got mebout ofvthe house... introduced me to other neighbours, and told me all the lcal Goss, and generally a lovely person, so much so that I finally let my guard down and let her in for a coffee Sunday, two actually, and we talked about everything... Anyway

While walking the dog just now, her son told me she had a massive stroke yesterday, and passed away last night. The next morning after having coffee in my house. She's the one who helped me with my bf wardrobe. weeks ago. I can't believe it. I'm still shaking, have paced the floor since, literally shaken to the core. I don't understand why. She was 69. I don't know why I'm so upset... Oh God... Was I kind enough to her?

hi there @Former-Member

It is Whitehawk, the Moderator here. I am just trying to understand your last post. Is there any tension here and are you feeling that other members are no being kind to you? It can be easy to misinterpret communication online without the social and verbal cues. And we cannot suggest that other members stay away from the forum. If all is okay don't mind me.

If you need any support do not hesitate to email us or check out our resources on conflict at https://saneforums.org/t5/About-the-forum-including/Forums-Guides/m-p/105963#M1039

cheers

Whitehawk

I would never tell anyone to stay off the forums. However, that's what's happening to me. Did you even read the last couple of posts @Former-Member

@Former-Member I am SO SO sorry to hear of the passing of your neighbour. I know what a huge thing it was for you to allow someone into your life and your home as you did with her. It sounds as though she was a genuine friend to you, even though it was a short friendship. Clearly it meant a lot to you, and also to her. Life is so cruel sometimes, and this is one such occasion. She was far too young at 69 to die. I guess the only good thing is that she did not suffer, it was quick. But that is not going to help you. Its natural you're feeling so upset ... you just lost a friend, someone who has been kind and helpful to you. Something you dont get that much, given your history with family etc. And it just makes it such a shock when you only had her in your home the day before. It really brings it so close, makes it so real. Your question as to whether you were kind enough to her ... I feel absolutely sure you were. It sounds as though she enjoyed her visit with you, so take heart that you made her last day a very pleasant one. I am only sorry that she is not still around, because it sounds likely that you could have become firm friends. The shock of her passing is very real. Allow yourself to feel the many emotions that will be coming your way. My kindest thoughts are coming your way.

Sherry 💕

Thank you @Former-Member

needed some compassion right now. And you, with all you're going through atm... Thank you. My heart is broken, again, brings it all back - having lost my girl... and

It frightens me too because I'm looking down the same barrel with my oen BP But nobody would find me, or dog, or call an ambulance... makes me want to take control of it, death. I donno. Might go buy some Baileys...

I've crawled into bed with electric blanky on high, for comfort, and looking at the solar fairy lights in the window, that have come on auto... it got dark... still my heart is pounding. I might go for a drive.

Be back later.

Thanks again.

Its so hard feeling attacked when so vulnerable.

Have to go sorry

.

@Former-Member

I know @Former-Member I can feel your pain and heartbreak. And yes, this would be causing thoughts about your lost girl too.

Please please EOR take care and call for help if you need it, if you feel yourself going too low or becoming reckless. I understand the desire to tuck into a few Baileys too, or scotches for me. Although I do like Baileys. But try to restrict it, and know when to stop. A couple may be good for you, but just be aware that more than that is likely to only make you feel lower and more desperate. Give your little dog a big hug. I dont think I've ever heard what breed she is, although you have said she is only small. Can I ask now, what breed she is? My Holly is a mini foxy x chihauhau. 5kgs of love and comfort.

Remember that help is not far away if you need it, you only have to pick up the phone.

Sherry 💕