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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor18 July 2019, 10:24 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💐💜🐶

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor18 July 2019, 11:03 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Love that you take the time for photos and birds.

@Former-Member

Hope your new place is good for you.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor18 July 2019, 12:23 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Me too ❣️

@Former-Member

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember18 July 2019, 12:46 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Gee @Former-Member .. those birds sure did find you quickly didnt they. Took less than a day, and yes I think you need something a little stronger if you are going to get those galahs (some people call them pink and greys ... I wonder why?) on a regular basis. Great photo by the way, love the one just flying in ... full wing span ... lovely. Thanks for sharing.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember20 July 2019, 12:34 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor21 July 2019, 9:22 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

WOW

Beautiful

@Former-Member

I just came looking for you as I was going through my thread and thinking about all our conversations.

Hope you are alright as well as the birds ...

Hugs Bella

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember22 July 2019, 8:40 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Appleblossom , nice to see you drop by 💜

. I'm not doing good today. sorry, have a heartache & headache and teary all day.

Overreaction (bigtime, privately), to being 'left out' of anotger family event, again. Found out through a Sydney friend who visits dad for me. She reported something that would have seemed harmless to her but she can't see what's behind it and the deliberate, unrelenting intent of my siblings to not have me in their life 😭😢💔. I'm crushed in spirit since. Hope it lifts by tomorrow as I have my first visitor planning an O/n visit Thursday and I need to set up their room. Just no energy today. Its like the last straw that broke he dam of despair afload. I just wanna vomit.

Why am I so emotional?

Why am I treated like a monster?

Why do I still breathe when so many hate me?

How do we ignore it,can't stop it

Sorry, nobody needs this😣

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor22 July 2019, 8:43 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💞💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor22 July 2019, 9:26 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

I have also felt the terrible pangs of exclusion and scape goating.

I was made out to be a monster too. I am putting it in my past finally. No longer hankering, or wishing or questioning ... which I always did. It is a natural part of the process. Telling ourselves not to feel hurt, makes no difference. If we are hurt, we are hurt. As a nurse you are essentially a healer, so the biggest challenge is that steady healing of yourself. Surround youself with decent people and do decent things. Nobody can do more.

I am so glad you have a distraction and a new visitor. You are in a new town and facing up to living life with grace and sensibility for nature and morality and faith.

Hugs sister.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor22 July 2019, 9:31 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh @Former-Member that is devastating to find out you have been excluded again - very much hearing you. Try not to let the nasty actions of others get to you - they don't deserve any more of your thoughts. So much feeling for you and sending love from those of us here who do care

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