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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor08 June 2019, 12:27 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Morning @Former-Member
its really good to see you back! and its ok that youve hidden it till now. im glad youve had some sleep with hopefully the day looking a little better for you
im sure @Owlunar would love to know that you are back too
❤❤❤

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 June 2019, 12:28 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh gosh @Former-Member ... I had no idea. How nice to know that our resident tawny owl has actually been here all along. Big hug to you. I am sorry to hear that things have been a bit frustrating here lately too. I know from personal experience that can really get to you. We need a voice, and we need to be able to express it in a safe place. I hope you are able to do that. So now that you are no longer hiding ... please feel free to continue to tag me if you ever feel the need to talk ... about anything.

Please dont be sorry ... you obviously had your reasons for keeping your former identity secret. Nothing wrong with a fresh new approach. But it is so nice to know you are who you are. 💕

Sherry 🦉

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 June 2019, 12:49 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member That does not change my connection here with you Hon - makes it a little mre special in-fact. Still here with you

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 June 2019, 2:30 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member - Tawney .... 👋💕

Great to see you. I have been concerned about you .....

I have to run now, but will chat when I can.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor08 June 2019, 3:31 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

Big Long Group Hug

Love that gif

Somehow the same spiritedness (courage) shone through regardless. Really missed you.

But still have to be careful myself not to let the forum become all encompassing.

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor08 June 2019, 8:06 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member I'm so glad to have found you (after how long?).

Your Tag for me didn't work, never came through.

Then @Appleblossom told me that an "Old friend" was over here.

So I was puzzled, wondering "Which old friend"?

Hee hee, I know who you are - although I Really Really Did Like your old Name (their was nothing wrong with it).

Hugs...

Adge

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember11 June 2019, 2:38 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member - thanks for sharing this info, we are just going to check in via email as well around this with you 👍🏼

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor11 June 2019, 4:37 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Checking in to see how you are going Hon. Missing you the last couple of days

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember11 June 2019, 11:50 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi Everyone, what a warm response to my disclosure. I'm so touched that you remember me fondly, and that recent connections don't mind. Things irl are getting too much for me.
I've left my former residence now, just have a lot of unpacking to do, but at least there's no deadline and I can take my time. Don't know anybody here in the town.

Hope I don't relapse into a major depression from isolation, but know the warning signs now at least. and i quite like this nesting process (fatigue aside), and finding my stuff again. Need to get my cupboards from storage though. Gotta stop this recreating myself thing, in real life as well as the forums. Part of my pathology I guess.
Bit worried ill bebkicked off, e La is gonnag onna me off the forums. Can't find another online forum like this, need support, especially now. I have my Journal and my faith I guess. What more can life take from me really? Doesn't matter anymore. There I go getting gloomy again like Eor lol Thanks for getting me talking.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember11 June 2019, 11:54 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sorry about typos

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