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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor19 May 2019, 8:46 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Have read your earlier post Hon and hope you are okay. I am still not good but wanted you to know that I still around (if just a little less now) but will still look out for you and your posts when I can. Hope your injury is continuing to improve and you are enjoying getting things bit by bit for your home

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember20 May 2019, 3:21 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Lovely to see you @Zoe7...
still giving, even in your pain... 💗
Hope things irl are a little more kind to you over the w'end.
Yes my leg felt a little more flexible so I tried to drive, with success. Found a 1x2m solid timber dinning table, on Gumtree, $20 😁 Love a big space to work on, especially with sewing, and need to work on these curtains. Managed to get into the house on my own (a sight to see). Also called into Bunnings for wiring... to enclose backyard for GG baby.
So ya right, I'm enjoying making my space mine.
You have a better week.
Hi there to @oceangirl, and @outlander.. love the roses TNXy

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember20 May 2019, 6:48 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello @Zoe7 , @outlander , and @anyone else interested. My leg swelling has gone down enough to move better, I can lift it now too, which means I can drive, a little while.

Proud of myself today as I finall put up wire fencing to keep GG dog in the yard. Only 5m but hammering in the starposts is hard work, for me. Fortunately GG is relatively placid / gentle - it would be too flimsy for the likes of a Cattle Dog or Rotty. See how it goes. That was one side. On the other side of the house, 1.5m, I built a smart looking little fence with two of those white baby safety gates found on roadside pickup. One of the gates even work 😊 so all tied together to the star posts 😁👍 its perfect and i'm quite pleased with myself. Really holds back blackdog, to feel good about achievements 🙏

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember20 May 2019, 7:10 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor21 May 2019, 10:23 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member im sorry its taken me a day to come back. I had a day away and still catching up on some notifications.

Im hoping that your leg swelling is still going down?

Well done on getting the fence done. 5 starposts is alot! I do some fencing occassionally and its hard work!

Go easy on yourself though, dont want to reinjure your leg

❤❤

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor21 May 2019, 11:38 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

That is a lot of hard work.

Impressive

Pity your leg got swollen.

Settling and nesting can be great. Even tho you want to look after GGbaby, dont push yourself toooo hard ....

Lotsa fencesSomething beautiful for you

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AK100Contributor01 June 2019, 11:42 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I wish I could cope longer 😞 8months is my normal before I crash & burn...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 June 2019, 10:23 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Appleblossom , @outlander ,

and @Zoe7 if you're up to it, hi

I just need some help tonight. Having anxiety and negative thoughts.

You see, my car is packed full and tonight will be my last night in Sydney before going west to live, where nobody I know is.

I'm having dreaded feelings, that sinking flutter in the pit of my stomach, that screams 😳 ''h no, what have I done?' And of cause that's followed with SI planning. Don't hit the panic buttons, it's not critical and if it was I don't think I'd be telling anyone again.

My plan is to go to this little rental, away from everyone, with my furbaby, and rest and recuperate for a year. It just suddenly hit me that I'll never come back here. So many memories.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor04 June 2019, 10:32 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That is super hard @Former-Member I don't have many words at the moment Hon but am thinking of you. Keep us updated how it all goes and remember that even though you are moving away from somewhere you have become comfortable you are also starting a new chapter in your life. With that comes a lot of negative feelings and anxiety about leaving behind what you are used to but it can also open new doors into a new life. Hugs and hugs EOR

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 June 2019, 10:51 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

🍀
Thanks @Zoe7 💗

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