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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor18 May 2019, 11:22 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I know you had a surgury but didnt know about your reaction. Have you written about it somewhere ao i can quickly catchup? @oceangirl

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

oceangirlSenior Contributor18 May 2019, 11:29 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I have spoken about it but it would have only been briefly @outlander . The gas lady thinks I had POST OP delirium. It was so uncomfortable for me. I am angry at her management because she should have taken a more conservative approach if that makes sense. I am allergic to anti ematics and I get a severe reaction to these medication. I am worried their is underlying problem. I just don't know.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor18 May 2019, 11:43 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Have you done some research into post op delirium?

Have you spoken with the hospital about what happened to you-perhaps setting up a meeting with the nurse or the person involved along with their superior such a nurse unit manager and having a chat about how the situation was managed and why your upset could help? Sometimes talking it out can help get their perspective on things and see their side as well. You can set this up by either ringing reception of the hospitsl and ask how to arrange it or email the hospital and they will let you know that way. You dont have to provide details just let them know that you would like to talk to the nursing unit manager about some concerns you had with your care during the time you were in hospital

If you think there is an underlying problem i would suggest having a chat with your gp. If you dont find theu are listening to you perhaps talk to another gp and see what happens @oceangirl

What do you think of those suggestions?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor18 May 2019, 11:55 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Also @oceangirl just edit your post cause youve meantioned medication names

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

oceangirlSenior Contributor18 May 2019, 11:56 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@outlander

I have done a bit of research I am not 100% sure that was the reaction I had. I thought it may have been the reaction I had before akathisia. I have spoken to the gas lady and she explained the practicalities of things and what to do in the future. She has reviewed my notes and medication chart. This type reaction brings you to your knees its that frightening and you need every bit of strength to survive it. I did email to the gas lady today and I have said my piece to her and now waiting on a response. Thank you for your suggestions. I will be talking to my Drs and I may ask to see a specialist to review it.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor19 May 2019, 12:02 am AEST