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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member Not sure if there is any bruising on my head but still a lump - significantly reduced today though. My back is still very sore. If it doesn't settle in the next couple of days I may need another trip to the GP How is your back this evening?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good morning @Former-Member @Anastasia @Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Zoe7 - didn't realise you'd hit your head. You be careful. My back has been troublesome, even sitting doesn't help much, have to pay down a lot. That why I bought a van, so I can lay flat when it spasms, which usually helps between 20-60min. Normal otc analgesia barely touched the surface, I've convinced GP to provide me with heavier pills which I mostly only use if it stops me sleeping... but it messes with brain so... Need to take off some of the unnecessary drag on my bones, somehow. Wish they had a pill for that. Ha, but then they'd lose half their clientele lol ( :face_with_rolling_eyes:cynical I know) anyway, Just gotta work with what we got, keep moving, but gently 💙
I'm off to join Online Church Service... take care 🤗

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Not cynical at all @Former-Member I found that really funny ...and possibly very true 👍

The wall broke my fall but unfortunately it was my head that the wall jumped out at The awkward way I landed put my back out again - doesn't take much these days to do so

I am the same as you - otc meds don't help one little bit but have to struggle through until Wednesday when my GP is back. She is going to leave a script for me so I can head out of work at lunch time to pick it up and get it filled. Luckily the practice is 5 minutes away from work and there is a chemist nearly right next door.

I hope you are now enjoying your online church group and it gives you some extra strength and peace for the rest of today. Hugs and hugs

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 it was good, and one of my most fav hymns. Still too painful to put my other slipper on today, bother! sigh. Hope you can last 'till Wed 😕 too long! Maybe it may have settled by then. I renewed that script last week but haven't filled it yet and too social phobic or so to go out atm, and sore to step up into the van... having laydowns when too much works. I'm thankful I can do that at least. Are you able to do the basics without pain? Getting up this morning... oh my goodness! I'll meet you out in the sunshine for A/T ☕☕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It is going to rain here again @Former-Member - can't even see the mountain through the rain that is coming - so a/t inside for me 👍

Just had a visit from my Mum - she brought yummy savoury stuff but I had already had an early lunch - so dinner is sorted.

Laying down helps for me too Hon - sometimes I lay on the floor but then I have licking baths from both Toby and Clover so not a peaceful thing I can walk okay today so that is an improvement but sitting is still not good - can't get comortable and the pain increases ...so trying to do some work laying on the couch (not very successfuly!)

I hope the pain eases for you quickly and you can get your other slipper on - I do love your slippers ...lovely colour. I had a giggle at your thong though - I live in my thongs (even in winter)

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💙💛💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello @Former-Member @Zoe7

Hi everyone.

I just had a Job Interview (this morning) - For Youth Outreach, working with Young people at risk, on the streets (City CBD).

Weird working Hours, 8.00pm to 5.00am - Not sure how (or if) I'd cope with that.

Was very stressed out, before Interview - Felt unable to prepare for it well at all.

The Staff were all very young (20's) - Not sure how they would take to having an "Oldie" working with them, I'm more than twice their age...

Friendly interview environment - I had a good feel for it.

They did present me with Case Scenarios - I struggle with those.

Extensive experience does not Translate into = Good examples.

Interview was very brief, 25 minutes - I'm not sure if that's a good sign, or not.

Anyway, I think I did well, thanks.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Personally @Adge I think you would be an amazing youth outreach worker. The hours are silly but that is often when people need the support the most. It could be just the job for you buddy ...but whatever way it goes it is really lovely to hear the interview went better than expected and whether you get the position or not you have done well 👍😁

Hi @Former-Member How is your foot and back today Hon? Can you get that other slipper on yet?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7

I do really like working with young people.

I just haven't had the opportunity often.

I had an 8 y.o Autistic client, years ago - It was lovely, working with him.

He asked me to sing the Postman Pat theme song, all the time.

"Postman Pat with his black & white Cat", has stuck in my brain, ever since then....

Adge

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