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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 June 2021, 3:22 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Love the van @Former-Member ..... ❣️

I am still in the west, so dodging the COVID-19 outbreak over there right now.

I am bussing it around this week. Have some finance now as a result of selling my car ...... but back to court shortly to try (again) to address that properly.

I am getting my assignments submitted but by bit ..... 👍

Have been river walking, but I have only seen the dolphins once.

@Zoe7 @Snowie @Emelia8 @Clawde @Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 June 2021, 6:45 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sounds good @Faith-and-Hope, though sad U had to sell your car 😟
Yeah, hippie vans might draw more attention than I can handle. But I am toying with the idea of getting some giant magnets to paint, for resale purposes...
Good the Melbourne lockdown hasn't affected you. Most studies are online these days and sounds like your Kidz are all with you there in WA again.
@Emelia8 - how did you go picking up the ashes 😢 Hope your ok.
👋@Zoe7 @Adge @Anasasia @Clawde @Eve7 @Snowie @Appleblossom & anyone reading 👋😊

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor02 June 2021, 6:47 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member 👋

thank you for tagging me. I hope you’re ok.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 June 2021, 7:25 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

💜💕🌷💜💕🌷💜 @Emelia8 ......

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 June 2021, 9:14 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member From where I sit Hon you are not doing anything wrong - it is simply others that need to find fault in everything and that negativity can rub off on us if we let it. It is often those closest to us that can do the most harm - it is often their safe place to dump all their issues and worries . That is not fair nor right What should not be tolerated though is the disrespect and you certainly do not deserve that. You have been through enough over the years, helped your family through thick and thin and changed your life to do so. Now is the time for you Hon. Find the joy in what you love and do things that bring you happiness. There is still a life out there for you. I know you have had to stay put for the time being with your health not being so great but keep that dream alive of getting in your van and travelling - your deserve to follow your dreams and find some pleasure in this life

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 June 2021, 12:33 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member, this is my usual hangout thread. Where I put updates often if you want to subscribe.
Thanks for the self drilling screw info. I will visit Bunnings and give it a try 👍

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

SnowieSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 1:03 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good afternoon @Former-Member

Hoping today is going well for you hon.

Lots of love and hugs 💜💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 June 2021, 5:28 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Snowie, yes, things are empty but ok. Big day shopping at Bunnings today. Think I switched there as lost 3hrs somehow & felt strange (@Maggie does that happen with your DID?, I hate the memory gaps).
I'm just resting here under the doona with furbaby snuggling up, enjoying the sound of soft rain drizzling away outside.
My hearts having a manic episodes atm, makes me think i don't have long to live, get test results back tomorrow.
What are you doing today? Is it raining there where you are? Do you have to do the dreded shock therapy tomorrow? Hope you & yours are good 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

SnowieSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 5:42 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member hopefully resting under the doona with your fur baby helps you. I am sure the test results will come back all clear but can understand the anxiety at waiting for them.

Went for a walk with the dog today so that was a big accomplishment for me. Don't have ECT tomorrow due to the lockdown in Vic.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 6:23 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Snowie

I am in lockdown too, need to sign at supermarket now. Just did a big shop.

To me, you are brave in accepting of the shock treatment.

@Former-Member

I am very glad your part of our forum family. Do what you have to do. You seem popular here to me, so maybe you are doing everything right! Maybe everyone else is not having as a good a time as you think .... we all struggle.

Today dinner was 2 carrots 2 croissants and a block of mint kitkat ....had a few big cookups this week, and son just wanted a snack. I managed to get him to include a carrot too ...lol...

baby ones are sweet.

I am doing a 30 day spiritual program which is helping me stabilise after some difficult relases in SI.

Cheers bella and all posting on this thread.

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