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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor29 May 2021, 7:51 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member if you want free camp sites go to WikiCamps Australia

There are several around the country with varying degrees of comfort features.

I’m in favour of warmer winters and will be travelling north if I can get my brain and family sorted.

Hope you’re feeling better today and you also @Shaz51

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Shaz51Senior Contributor29 May 2021, 8:01 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank you @Eve7 xx

A bit better than yesterday but got a sore back now . Not sure how , but think I will be in bed soon

How are you my darling

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor29 May 2021, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I’m sort of ok @Shaz51 Just tired and drained tonight so might take meds soon.

Going home tomorrow.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember30 May 2021, 9:53 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks Shaz51 & Eve7, I really need this vision roadtrip dream, even if I struggle pulling it off. Temperatures north of Townsville do sound AMAZING 😃👍 Thank you guys for the "free camping" tips. I've started a hardcover book for such information now - where it's real / can be found.

I renewed my lease mostly because of health and I'm not ready to move again or give away Georgia dog. Made me sad all week till i gave myself a talking to about how I CAN 'still travel' And who knows, maybe things better next year anyway. Can't seem to 'focus' (concentrate) on much else / any of my other fav hobbies. Frustrated male on the inside clucking in shed and car and wood... makes me feel close to my late dad too. Oh no, tears. Back later 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor30 May 2021, 10:05 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hugs @Former-Member 🤗💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor30 May 2021, 10:09 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Morning beautiful @Former-Member .... sorry I havent been around much for you of late. I have been reading your posts though. I am glad you decided to renew your lease for now. It keeps your options open. And of course it also means you do not have to give up your dear little Georgia dog. You can now plan your next road trip ... north QLD sounds the go ... so maybe plan for winter next year? Hoping COVID will be a thing of the past in 12 months time. Sounds as though you are dealing with a lot of strong emotions right now. I hope things settle for you soon.

You asked elsewhere yesterday I think, if I have an open fire here. Unfortunately I dont ... it is a wood fire though. But I need to split some wood and bring in the wood box and get it set up before I light it up for the soon to be here winter. I do like wood fires, they seem very comforting somehow and you can gaze into the flames and just contemplate. It has been really cold here the past two days ... cold wind. Not used to this, as the past week while I was away, had been lovely weather ... warm and very mild. Perfect for walks on the beach and exploring the area.

Okay I must go. Need to do a quick grocery shop to stock up on some grocery staples. Milk, bread, fruit, fresh veges. My cupboards are bare after my week away, and I just havent been to shops since I got back on Friday. Used the last of my milk in my morning cup of tea ... so thats incentive to get to the shops now. No morning cuppa unless I do. Well ... I could have it black I guess, but it just isnt as enjoyable. Unless its proper 'billy tea' and spun around the head, strong and black with lots of sugar. I dont take sugar normally, but black tea needs it.

Catch you another time.

Emelia 😊💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember30 May 2021, 3:20 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @@@Anastasia @ Glad you pop by, helps to know you're interested. How's your boy? Any talk of d/c? You doing ok on your own?

Hi @Emelia8 you're on your own there too, hugzz, so hard. Thanks for your post. I'll bet your cupboards are bare after everything. It's amazing how much we can find in the back of the cupboard. Not having milk for a cuppa would definately have me going out, black is not much chop... Did you go? I keep that devondale long life packs of 250ml. Are you holding your own ok Em? Must still be very hard, I found the first six months the hardest... How's your father managing, he has other support doesn't he? Are you ok Em? Sorry I've not dropped by as often, it's not you. Let's pack our cars and travel Nth Aust together 🚐

🌄🛣️🌌🌅🏝️🏖️👍

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor30 May 2021, 4:14 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi lovely @Former-Member

Always interested. I'm neck deep in paperwork trying to catch up on office work left last week due to paperwork/investigating for my boys NDIS. And then there's more paperwork for the NDIS. So can't stop but I do care and am following as best as I can.

Love and hugs to you and all here x

@Emelia8 @Eve7 @Shaz51

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember30 May 2021, 9:19 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh no @Anastasia - I've heard NDIS is a nightmare. I pencil little boxes in margin for bitsvi have to come back to. They shouldn't make it so hard. Hope hospital helps your boy. You're a good mum 💙
Emelia8 I think maybe be kind to yourself and order in some pretty cut wood and home delivered groceries. Although I have heard wood chopping is a great way to vent anger, you have much to be angry about xox
My day has been productive. I pulled the daybed out the car, removed the horrible stretch mesh & replaces t with 16 pine slats, took all day with only one laydown rest for back. Hand saw all wood and heavy lifting getting it back in. Solid as though and more comfe. Even found he perfect spot for Georgia s oval dog bed under the bed - safe and cosy. Fired perfect in front of the wheel hub. Can barely walk tonight re back so hoping rest and anti-inflammatory will help by morning. Put bottle of water & car toot close just in case. But worth it to get things more functional in the van... like solving problems, and it feels like my dad is close guiding me. He was always clucking in his shed, could fix anything.
🚐 :hammer_and_wrench:️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor30 May 2021, 9:29 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank you @Former-Member

I'm in awe at your handyperson skills. Your Dad would be proud x❣️

@Emelia8 👋

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