why can't I cope longer?

I cannot answer that question for you @Former-Member 😔

But I do know that this world IS a better place with YOU in it. 🌷🌻

Sending some love and compassion to you dear EOR. You sound quite distressed right now, so can I ask if you are okay?

Emelia 💞

Not really, not well today, syncope twice, spent half the day in bed, sick of it. And trauma flashbacks vivid today. You know how it is Em, esp now for you . But No obvious trigger for me. It's like I'm under attack or something. When my girl collapsed in my arms, a sting went through my heart like fishing line pulling through. I always thought it was me but reliving it today it occurred to me it might have been her hanging on and I wasn't strong enough. OMG it's just so horrible, and those sorry excuse for ambulance services, and comms not making her code-1 Think I'm angry still. No doubt this is another wave that will pass. And with my nephew, I don't know how to fix that, how to be there for people that don't understand me, or MH or care to. But I do wond if I'm not the person I thought I was.

And there's unusual profiles checking in here, new, don't want them knowing my heart if they know me irl, and just Stalking / trolling 😟.

I donno what to do but ride it out, this wave. What else can we do Em?

I wish I knew what to do @Former-Member ... I really do. As you say, we just keep doing the best we can. Thats all anyone can do. It breaks my heart though EOR, every time I hear you talk about your dear little girl, and what happened that day. I'm sorry the ambo's and any other medico's were unable to bring her back. I guess it was her time, and God decided to take her into his care. But please stop punishing yourself for her death, none of it was your doing. I know you did everything possible for her. She had a much better chance of survival with you as her Mum than she would have had with someone else.

As for your nephew ... I think he is influenced way too much by his mother. And its probably best to try to put him out of your mind for now. He is only young and perhaps one day he will see that what he did or is doing, was/is wrong. Its sad though, for both you and him, that you do not have the family connection that you each deserve to have.

So yes EOR ... keep riding it out. There will be better days ahead. We need to have faith that that is the case. And I know you have great faith.

Emelia

Today i Offered my son the rest of my house money for a deposit for him to buy a home. I don't need it, he does, paying stupid 400wk rent is outrageous. He said no because it will affect his interest rate or some crap. Even my money is mud. I don't undersand anything anymore. I don't know how to live anymore. It's so empty. Faith in Heaven helps, but yeah... heaven 🙏 Would you feel like me if you didn't have hubby? Has this cancer made your MH worse Em? It's hard to tell online. I was attacked too you know, the two main ones being 11yrs and 17. I think I understand your pain. It changes us. Im gonna go make a cuppa now, have a break. Thanks for giving me chance to get it out. A numbness has come over me which is a relief I guess.. Hugzz 💕

Hello @Former-Member @does he have housing commission house ?

@Former-Member I'm sorry your son's refusal to accept your money seems like a rejection of you. Although I'm sure its not like that at all.

I cant tell you how I'd feel if my husband was not here. I simply dont know. I do know life would be a whole lot easier though and a whole lot less stress.

Has my cancer diagnosis made my MH worse? In many ways ... yes, I think it has. And now the little pills I'm meant to take, also have a very common side effect of making depression and anxiety worse. So really, what hope do I have of ever conquoring the beast? I think the cancer just adds another layer to everything. In some ways its a distraction, but its a bad distraction.

No EOR, I was not aware of your CSA history. I am so so sorry you went through that. And you were so young. 😔 Definitely a life changing thing. Thank you for sharing that EOR. Can I give you a big hug, and maybe shed a few tears? And I would love a cuppa right now ... perhaps we can sit together?

Good evening @Clawde 😄🌹

Emelia 💞

Sorry I misunderstood about your nephew @Former-Member 😔🤗

Sending you love 🌷