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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember14 Feb 2021, 3:45 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Peri, Can't help how we feel, and pretending is so exhausting I(which is why I withdraw). Haha, I remember, we just Gotta let the littlies watch their favourite tv show, they are all consuming but also our chance to see the world through child's eyes again, in all its magnificent discovery and joy. I wish I did more craft & travel with my kids but yeah, couldnt, depression really impacts creativity & motivation bad, looking back. But what2do today, Maybe we can sit outside with the trees, birds and breez a while, tends to pick me up. You got a sand play shell for grandkids? Chin up 🌻
@Anastasia "look pretty good" haha 👍 I think she chose me out of all of them, she was different with me, they don't connect. It's hard to get their voices out of my head. But helps when you guys here say things like "You're a good egg"
"insightful and kind"
appreciate that 🤗
@Emelia8 thanks for reminding me that I'm doing well with bad situation, doesn't feel like it. The house looks like a bomb hit it, hope nobody visits (that's unlikely) and I'm just not feeling well. Nothing like what you're going through. Systemic inflammation I think, but if I take the OTC reg otc pills, they make me dopy, & unmotivated, even more than usual. So much to do.
Trying to do some clothes altering today. Gotta set up machine. Make a place for these 'mending' jobs.
Sunday Arvo siesta pending 😴 Ha, that's a good name for a book or something lol
'Siesta Pending' 🤣 or maybe for a farm, like
"Gunnado" 🤣
,😢

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor14 Feb 2021, 4:57 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

I'm not being Romantic.

I just like this one, thought it was Cute.

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member I actually said out loud last night that if I got robbers over they'd leave thinking he place had already been trashed...you aren't alone xxx

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember14 Feb 2021, 7:13 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Adge just this once, but only because your such a sweetie, 😘

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember14 Feb 2021, 7:21 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@@ @ @@

Note to self ⚠️

Alter trigger 🚫

Go home!

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor14 Feb 2021, 9:33 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Nice one @Former-Member Yours is Animated (moving picture) - You did better than me.

Poor Cupid....

You're not going to Bump Off Cupid (are you)?

Yes Cupid did get it wrong....

Cupid got me Smitten over people who were emotionally shut-down, aggro, very controlling & manipulative - none of my exes were capable of relationships (at all).

At least not healthy or equal relationships....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember14 Feb 2021, 9:33 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Haha @Anastasia @, guess there's an upside to everything - burglar deterrent �

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor15 Feb 2021, 10:18 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good morning @Former-Member ... just thinking of you and thought I'd drop in and say hi and check to see how you are today.

I do hope you are feeling a little stronger and in less pain today, after a day or two rest post roadtrip.

Much love to you my friend and a big cuddle for little GG.

Emelia 🤗💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember15 Feb 2021, 10:29 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Adge sorry none of your romance relationships have worked out either. Even marriage. I wonder how much CSA damage messes with us here ? Sex a major trigger I reckon. But let's not talk more about this 🙏

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember15 Feb 2021, 10:42 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Today is my oldest nephews birthday, my last phone conversation with my sister (his mum) or contact with him, was bad, it got very heated when I called her out on the way she was treating me... and out of the blue my nephew cut in saying "you're a bitch" Well, I was taken back and my reflex threw it back at him, and the phone dropped out 😞. I had no idea he was listening in. How rude. And he has no idea the way his mum treats me... This is how my sister works. My nephew married two years later, invited my son but with instructions to not tell me 😞 I accidentally found out on social media six months later and was crushed to be left out again. And sad they see me as some kinda monster. Guess I did raise my voice that day, calling my dister out on her crap, very sad the damage that one phone call made, gave her a weapon shes milked to the max while her own silent abuse is far reaching. The phone call was a month after mum died, my sis has caused me so much pain. Uses my mental health against me with everyone - disgusting. And now she's seeking control of dad's estate through high court. She's formidable... and so unhappy for someone who has everything.
Anyway, happy birthday dear nephew, i forgive you and wish you well.
I pray for those I love when I can't be close, especially on their birthdays. Prayed for him last night and received many positive vibes over his life. Hope my prayers are enough when there's no other safe avenues open to me 💙

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