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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor21 Jan 2021, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That sounds like a good plan @Former-Member . I just have to be careful not to do too much.

I’m going back to work on Monday and I do sports coaching. I’m just so up and down at present so I’m u sure how I’ll manage everything.

Some friends are staying nearby so I’ll meet them at church on Sunday and then we’ll go out to lunch together. I am really looking forward to seeing them as we go way back.

Quilting sounds like fun. Have you been doing it for long?

I’m so glad we’ve connected here.

💙💚💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember21 Jan 2021, 9:45 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Eve7
You said "I’m so up and down at present and not sure how I’ll manage back working next week...
Well, so what if you fumble a bit at first... youre human! - derp breaths, self care and give yourself 3wks to settle in.
Hey, old friends are the best! Hope church and lunch goes well. I did this recently with old friends all the way from Newcastle, made me feel cared about / loved 💙
Quilting is like most hobbies in my life are more a pipe dream re disorganised thinking... but got the means, just gotta do it. Socialising with something to do is fun xox

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor21 Jan 2021, 9:53 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Aww thank you @Former-Member that was so encouraging of you to say that.

My manager rang today and told me to wear my pearls on Monday and we’d have Moet for afternoon tea!! So I’m back Monday and Tuesday is a public holiday which will be good.

The friends I’m seeing on Sunday also have a sad anniversary this month which means we share plenty of sadness as well as happiness.

Off to bed soon.....💚💙💚

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember22 Jan 2021, 12:24 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good night @Eve7, At least your underlying grief won't go mocked with these friends Sunday - who feel the same. Helps, even if we don't bring it up.
I'm locking myself in the house now, 'till it's all over.
Haven't seen you @Zoe7 or @Adge for a while, i've been looking for Yas, hope you're ok 💕
Worried everyone leaves and it's somehow my fault... but i gotta stop that. Anyway, good night, sleep tight ,💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor22 Jan 2021, 3:57 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thinking of you @Former-Member and sitting with you over the coming days. 💞

Emelia 🌹

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember22 Jan 2021, 7:45 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Emelia8 and I with you 💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor22 Jan 2021, 12:19 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member Thanks for thinking of me.

I'm often thinking of you too.

Just not able to post much (anywhere on forum) recently.

Very fatigued, & still have back & tummy pain (constant).

Found new massage person - had 1st massage in many months (yesterday) - that helped.

Yoga Class this morning (that will help).

Doing 1 hour Mindfulness session, at local library (this afternoon) - Probably largely an info session.

Cannot expect too much from 1 hour.

I had to book in online for it.

Catch you soon.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember22 Jan 2021, 2:49 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @ Adge sorry you're in pain, that's draining. Sorry Andi I haven't been positive lately. understand your need to self care (God knows I have to all the time
Wow! Youre doing massages, yoga & mindfulness... hope youir helps. You really are stepping up to do what you can to stay afloat. Well done! Glad the services are available. I must check what our library is doing.
Sorry I'm not much chop lately. At the moment I have an Elvis Presley movie on in the background, it has several songs I fondly recall from childhood (mum use to sing a lot before she cracked), songs like 'Puppet on a String' - Might try get the soundtrack... Probably a bit before your time - it's called "Girl Happy" Don't normally like his movies, this must be an early one 🐦🕊️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor22 Jan 2021, 2:56 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Puppet on a String I know well @Former-Member I know most songs well, from the 60's (some from 50's & 40's).

I got far too hot doing Yoga Class - Aircon no effective.

So feeling very nauseous & sick now.

Will take quite a while to recover.

All the best.

Goto lie down.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember22 Jan 2021, 3:06 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Cold wet teatowel over your neck in front of the fan maybe @Adge i keep Sparkling water chilled for my syncopy episodes. Can you sip ice?. Hope your laydown helps. xox

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