Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

1,901 - 1,910 of 2,720

1...190 191 192...272

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor03 Jan 2021, 7:50 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 Jan 2021, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Haha, that's random @Adge - have i said something dodgy somewhere? 😟
You've been posting all over, I've picked up a few and you seem good. Yeah? Especially the new birds...
I'm tired and been in pain & upset tummy all day, but just pushed myself clear the yard (hoping theres enough dry for them to mow the lawn tomorrow, it's been 3wks & it's reeeeelly long and paspalumy 🙁
Shuvving things in the garage is not good, it's packed, I really gotta sort it.
My son is caring for his dad post surgery and not happy re difficulties. Rough days ahead I think as the x's x12yr relationship is over & they're formally meeting with her & medical teen tomorrow to remove her 'as 1st contact's My boy is helping sort community supports. I have to stay away - being around that man stuffs my head up. In fact, i'm tempted to break my lease and move / escape possible trouble. Anxiety through the roof then I realise it's based in the past and I have to ground myself. Do my breathing. Like a PTSD thing. Maybe also, because its impacting my son - so wanna help but have to stop myself. It's messing with me and I gotta not obcess. The man wasn't living in this town when I found my rental, sucks! My boy is bringing him home this week and wants to catch up with me Tuesday. He's very tired and resentful his entire 2wk holiday was spent running round after his dad. I don't know what to say but acknowledge and give nursing tips... At least all this has bought my hot closer to his much older step-siblings and he's not so "alone in the world" (the first thing he said to me when my girl died 😢).
Sorry, rambling again.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor03 Jan 2021, 8:59 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💞

I seem to be out of words right now, but just wanted to say I have read your post. I will respond when I can.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor03 Jan 2021, 9:07 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor03 Jan 2021, 9:11 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Not Random - Just Inspiring (for anyone) @Former-Member I could have put it in Inspiring Quotes Thread.

Instead I thought you might like it.

It's Easier Said than Done (I know) - It's mostly people who don't matter, who upset me the most.

Though I'm supposed to not let them get to me.

It's takes far too much time & effort to find those Inspiring Quotes etc.

So I have nothing left to write.

Too tired.

Was not a good day....

Thinking of you.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor03 Jan 2021, 9:12 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sorry it's been so tough @Former-Member

I've goto Log Off & Rest.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 Jan 2021, 10:52 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Understand @Adge - you're a sweetie 💙🐦💙

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Jan 2021, 10:47 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Apart from the words "JUST USE IT" I'm seeking tips for a really unfit person who just invested in a treadmill? I ask🏃 I doubt I'll ever be 'FIT' again, I'd just be happy with 'FUNCTIONAL' again. After tripping over in the street a couple of times and unable to get myself up - i've just not gone out, not gone walking at all. BLOB had took over Christmas munchies :face_with_rolling_eyes:... Just wanna stay functional to at least 'hold my own for longer... the treadmill seems safer - no excuses now 😬👍
First I gotta get out of bed :face_with_rolling_eyes:

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember06 Jan 2021, 9:46 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I so Enjoyed yesterday's birthday lunch for my son & family friends. He enjoyed it too. A bit of respite from his difficult dad too, who survived his major heart surgery and extended hospital stay. I'm proud of my son stepping up like he has. Trouble is he's also got to know his dad better, and doesn't like what he sees - he said with disappointment that his dad "is not the man he thought he was" sad 😞 I didn't choose my 'mate' well at all. Wish I knew then what I know now. But my son is 30 now and I think finally ready to face realities.
Anyway, i had to 'block' bro4 again yesterday - just before leaving to have lunch with my boy, he insensitively sent a picture of my girl the rambled about getting his hands on his inheritance sooner than later (now dad has passed) 😞 I know I should keep being more tolerant but I'm so 'done' with the mind games & drama. I donna, still get the guilts (because I care) but it seems so one sided. The photo is one of mine, I don't know how he got it or what it means to him. I can't forget that- not one of my 4 brothers attended my girls funeral. She died late January 2011 - the month SE Qld flooded.. Seeing the picture triggered me. I don't want this person walking around my girls memory or pretending to care about my grief... Dont trust him anymore after my stint in Sydney. January is avhard time for me, I use all my energy to stay 'on top' enough at this time, to celebrate my son's Birthday this week. Thrn the 2nd half of Jan is - eggshell selfcae time, re my mum's and my girl's passing dates 🙁😞we cant forget. Sucks 💔
Having said all that, i'm actually ok, i think. Not distressed in anyway strange enough,vjust vague, kinda floaty (?dissociative I guess) and I reckon - that's ok - I gotta stay afloat. This rain is playing curry with the bones & I'm a little worried about this throa tickle that came on this morning - don't need a cold or (or covid 🤪) Time will tell.
Hope everyone here is ok enough too. Sleep tight 😴

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor06 Jan 2021, 9:53 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thats so good to hear @Former-Member , about you having a very enjoyable birthday lunch for your son.

Yes I can see that January is a tough month for you. Remember that I am here for you if you need someone to talk to. I may not have any solutions or answers, but I promise to listen and care. On a good note, its nice to hear that you are actually feeling okay for now, and not too distressed. Probably helped by the enjoyable day you had yesterday with your son and his family and friends. I think its a good thing that he can now see his Dad for who and what he is. Sad for him perhaps ... but realistic. Perhaps he will be more understanding of you now as a result. Hope so. Yes, you sleep tight too. Very wet here, and raining again as I speak.

Emelia 💞

1,901 - 1,910 of 2,720

1...190 191 192...272