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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Well I'm Glad you don't have them in Tassie @Zoe7

It's mainly just the head that's green, in the ones I'm used to.

Rather aggressive, they love to sting you.

They breed up in areas where there's lots of organic matter (eg leaf litter) on the ground - They like it damp (not dry).

If you were in Sydney, with those conditions - You would have 100's of those green ants, in your garden.

I have lots of leaf litter (thick) in my back yard - That's probably why I'm getting them now.

They must be breeding up in it...

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh dear @Adge Hope you don't get anymore inside then. Do they live in nests like other ants?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yep, I'm sure they're "Communal" @Zoe7 Almost all ants are.

Although there are some Solitary Ants - Some of the huge Bull ants I've come across, just live on their own.

Just as well - I would not want to have take on more than one of those, at a time....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

haha @Adge Ant vs the Finch - that would be a very interesting fight lol

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

The Bull-Ant won the fight @Zoe7 I had to retreat, with a very sore finger (saying Ouch)...

It was not a fair fight - It snuck up & bit me, whilst I was planting tubestock plants (I didn't see it).

Wikipedia says the Greenhead Ant is amongst the most wide-spread (widely distributed), of all Australian insects - It's in every mainland State (not Tassie).

The only climate it doesn't like is the Tropics (far north).

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That sneaky little BullAnt @Adge not a fair fight when they sneak up on you like that

We have some vicious little buggers in Aus and a lot of them are sneaky little critters. I don't always wear gloves in the garden but am more worried about something biting Tobywhen he 'helps' me. I have already had one emergency run to the vet when he was bitten by something on his mouth when he was a puppy - the poor little thing swelled up really quickly - was probably a bee as he used to love chasing anything that flew.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Poor Toby @Zoe7 He would not have know than Bees can sting.

Yes we need to be careful in the Garden - This morning I discovered the Biggest Redback Spider I've ever seen.

In the crevice of the corrugated iron Aviary door.

It did not want to be moved.

I did not want it there, in case it bites one of my small finches - or bites me.

I had to squish it - it's too risky with Redbacks.

When I was the Gardener on a Golf course, I drove a small open Buggy - A swarm of Bees hit me in the face (whilst driving).

I've never flicked anything off so fast (in my life)....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

OMG on both counts @Adge Thank goodness you got rid of the redback - especially if it was near your birds - the poor little things would be no match for that spider. I would have squished it too - not a fan of spiders at all although I do have a lot of Daddy Long Legs around and I think they are kinda cute so I leave them alone.

A swarm of bees like that could be really dangerous so glad you made it through them.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yep, I like Daddy Long-Legs Spiders too @Zoe7 Sometimes they do a funny dance-thing, & Wobble themselves up & down, etc...

Plus the tiny jumping spiders are Cute - They go flying up in the air, about 50cm in one Leap....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh no - jumping spiders are not on my list at all @Adge - they scare me

I presently have baby Daddy Long Legs' in my bathroom - they really are cute - so little but grow quickly. They are stopping me cleaning lol

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