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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks Emily & Zoe, i do appreciate the encouragement, and hope you both have a restful, but also something special kinda Christmas Eve.
Just a quick flyby here to say my son arrived ok, he's given me a beautiful orchard for Chrissy and commented how nice the place like. So that's a good start. Cooking dinner now, He peeled the sounds
😃👍

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

spuds

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 👍💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Have a great night with your boy @Former-Member and a Merry Christmas to you both.

Your home looks amazing ❤️💚❤️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good morning @Former-Member ... So pleased your son arrived safely on Christmas Eve. And how lovely that he gave you a beautiful orchid. I love those, and they make a very special gift. Also great that your Son obviously noticed (and commented on) how you have made your home look so nice since you've been there. Which really isnt that long.

I hope your Christmas Day was pleasant for you both, and maybe even a little bit special EOR. Has Son left now, or was with you last night as well? Anyway ... thinking of you today and sending a belated Merry Christmas to you, sent with love.

Emelia 🍒🎄💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?


Hi @Emelia8, thanks💞
Yes, my boy went back yesterday Arvo so he could also see his dad (in hospital) 4chrissy day. He lets me know he arrived home safe and apparently his cat was in his bedroom the whole 23hrs he was away.
He had a last minute hissy fit over lunch delays yesterday (wouldn't wait 5min for vegies & gravy to finish cookin, grumped at me and just started eating without me 😞 - maybe low blood sugar... Kinda throws me, I 'switch' in my brain to to handle it, flip it off and forget, but he settled on. Maybe he got a badvtx or something, had to know their triggers sometimes. But you know what I mean.
I didn't send cards this year (did you) just a few tx msgs - who mostly replied, making it nice.
My friend here & hubby sprung a quick visit y'day,, just before lunch, dropped off small gifts for my boy and I 😃 A brief flyby but sweet. The men nattered surprisingly well... good for my boy. I'm just resting today. Sounds like my adjoining neighbour is back.
are you ok Em?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sounds like you had a reasonably pleasant day then @Former-Member ... I'm glad of that. Shame about the hissy fit over having to wait five mins for veges and gravy. Maybe he was anxious to be on his way to visit his Dad in hospital? You did well to remain calm by flicking that switch to allow yourself to accept and deal with such things. At least it sounds like he settled eventually, which is good. Yes, I understand what you mean about not knowing others's triggers, it makes it hard on loved ones who have to deal with the consequences.

Yes, I sent out 44 Christmas cards this year, down a bit on previous years. Mostly both sides of family, but also a lot of hubbys friends and former workmates and close military friends. I managed to get them all done and sent the week before Christmas. Hubby doesnt do them because his Parkinsons makes him too shaky to write legibly. So its something I have to do for him. Of all the 44 cards, 3 were my family members, 2 were long distance friends of mine, and the rest were for hubby. We normally receive lots of cards each year, but they have dimished quite a bit the last couple of years. These days people just dont seem to send cards any more. More people have moved to online messages, text messages, phone calls, etc. And thats okay by me. I would do the same, but hubby is very much a traditionalist. So physical cards it has to be.

What a lovely surprise for you that your friend and her husband visited you yesterday, and delivered some thoughtful small gifts for you and your son. Is this the new friend you were invited to have chrissy lunch with? It was equally nice that your son and your friends husband had a nice chat. It must have put your mind at rest.

Well, after a busy few days leading into Christmas @Former-Member ... I reckon you deserve a good rest today. So yeah, feet up and the gorgeous Georgia by your side ... take it easy today. Recharge the batteries.

Yes thank you I'm okay. Yesterday was a bad day, but I cannot really go into it here. Fingers crossed today is better. So far so good. Did I tell you it was my furbaby's 12th birthday yesterday? She is my blessing in life, my baby. 🐶

Emelia 💞😊

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello @Former-Member

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. I'm glad you got to have time with your son yesterday. Hope today allows you some much deserved r & r. 💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

- still looking for my kiss - LOL

WOW @Emelia8 x40 cards! Big effort there. I've noticed this last 10 - 15yrs the Christmas Card exchange has dwindled. I had plans to notify everyone of change of address with hand written cards this year, but with my dads stroke and passing that first week of December, just after my late girls birthday, I donno, I just couldn't write ""HAPPY" anything, let alone Christmas. Don't know how you put pen to paper so well. I dither a lot these days.

No it was my old friend from years back here now. She's was a life saver when my girl died (the only one who stuck around). Makes me sadvto think back. But grounding to have OLD friends.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Anastasia, ditto to you, hope Chrissy wentnok. 4U? I've been overwhelmed and not kept up online). Good to cU today 💞
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