why can't I cope longer?

Well it came with the caption "Never ever give up" @Former-Member

It shows how amazingly tenacious plants & animals can be - in struggling to survive.

That tree was not going to let itself get toppled over - when the soil washed/ eroded away, from underneath it.

So it hung on, kept growing - & stayed upright (growing there).

Adge

@ @ - I like this one too @Adge @

@ although many see my hospitalisations (breakdowns) 1986 & 2011 Although ppl see that as 'Giving Up' - that's a lie! I have been fighting this illness for decades, and frankly, before God, ifbi gave up tomorrow (no doubt attracting the same criticisms), God knows I endured more than most

My sister, the biggest critic - "aren't you dead yet" attitude queen. She twists and use the suffering of others to cockcrow on top of. A scorpion who'll sab you in the back while smiling to your face. No, I have not given up, I have had moments but climbed out of the hole every time, without support. from family. My last hospitalisation (x6wks) not one family member came to visit. Health professionals and faith kept me going in those times.

I've been trying (unsuccessfully) to change my profile picture to a Christmas EOR. Which of these do you like best?

Hi @Former-Member ... like all 4 options. Probably either of first two would be my personal choice. But not sure how falling snow would go as a profile pic? Therefore, I would choose the first one. Its lovely with the sad gentle smile.

Emelia 🎄🍒

Hey @Former-Member, sending love your way I also suffer when those I care about are suffering.

Regarding your own health/pain concerns at the moment, maybe a freecall to Health Direct might be able to help figure your level of risk and your options from there?

So good to see @Former-Member that your Christmas EOR profile pic is now up and spreading christmas cheer. Love it. 😊💞

Sorry to hear that your ex / sons dad is not well after his heart surgery. No, it doesnt sound great, with heart electrical issues as well as poor kidney function. Clearly your son is concerned, which is also affecting you adversely. Yes it sucks ... big time. Awfully sorry too that it means you likely wont get to spend much time with your Son over Christmas. Here's hoping you get to see him on the day, but if not ... then a small postponement will have to suffice I suppose.

I dont know if the Sydney COVID outbreak will affect my radiation therapy. Its due to begin on 12th January, so who knows what the situation will be like by then. It could be all under control ... fingers crossed. Or it could have grown in Sydney and extended its contagious tentacles into regional NSW. There is already an alert out for a small coastal (holiday destination) town a little over half an hour from here. Some traveller from Sydney visited there, so everyone around here is on high alert. I noticed when I was at the cancer institute yesterday for my planning and setup session, that everyone is back in masks again. That wasnt the case a few weeks ago when I was last there. And all the usual questions about whether you've been to any hotspots has been expanded. They are now asking if you have left our region in the past 2 weeks, or visited the small town to our south where a confirmed case visited while travelling through last week. I have been to the place the alert is out for (a lovely cafe right on the water) ... but thankfully not in the last month. So yes, I am going to have to be very aware of any travel I do over the coming weeks, otherwise my radiation treatment could be jeopardised. That also includes my hoped for visit to see my Dad in the first week of January. I may have to cancel if this cluster is not brought under control. For that matter, if it spreads too far, it could mean a stop to any non-essential travel withing NSW anyway.

Its a few hours since you posted here EOR ... just wondering how you are feeling now. Has the gastric pain reduced? How about the heart skips/palpitations? Its possible it could be anxiety, stress. But if it continues, please do not leave it unchecked. It may require a trip to the A&E to ensure its not something more serious. Yes, I know the hospital there has some horrible memories for you with your daughter having died there, as well as some traumatic admissions for yourself. I know it will be hard for you ... but for the sake of your health and safety ... I would strongly encourage you to get yourself there if you feel your pain and heart issues does not improve.

I really hope that wont be necessary though EOR, and that you are feeling much better already. You have had more than enough heartache lately, you certainly do not need more. Sending a big hug and the strength to carry on through continued adversity. I know you are strong, you have proven that numerous times.

Much love

Emelia 🤗💞

Thanks @Emelia8 @Former-Member I've learnt to ignore aches & pains, so many of them these days.

Ringing the healthlinesvare bound by 'duty of care' (potential liability) and when it's heart they ALWAYS send me to A&E. or a GP within 4hrs (just in case it seems). I'm in a better position to know. My son asked how I was and I just said I hurt my back yesterday (he doesn't need more stress of worrying if I'm having a heart attack... or suicidal lol Back pain is far less serious. But he has given me specific instructions to look after myself because he "wouldn't cope with additional stress as the moment" so there you go, I've been told.

Between you & me - I still have heart flutters and dull ache. But not breathless or dainty.

I had arranged to meet a mutual friend of my Sydney friend vtoday, so i did. Took shower and went out for afternoon tea. She was lovely and we hope to do it again soon. Might even go check out her church. Something good might come out of it, get back in the land of the living again. Never know. Probably shouldn't have had that extra coffee though. Anyway'

Furbaby was so happy to see me home, and I'm resting. Haven't ruled out A&E if palps persist. Thanks for listening 💙

I cannot find any Christmassy Red-Faced Parrot-Finch Pictures (for my Avatar) @Former-Member No Glitter, or anything Fancy.

I cannot compete with these fancy new Avatar pictures I'm - I know it's not a competition anyway.

How about this Pied (mutation) Red-Faced Parrot-Finch?