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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember13 Oct 2020, 9:46 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Still on here in retarted Qld @Emelia8, JB looks so old, can't believe I'm not far behind him 😟 lol

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor13 Oct 2020, 9:54 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

He does look older than his years I thought @Former-Member . Its probably due to the hard life of a typical rocker, and everything that goes with that I guess. Ha ha ... besides that ... age has a habit of catching up with us, while we're not looking. 😂

Emelia 🌹

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor13 Oct 2020, 9:58 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I’m watching Jimmy Barnes too @Former-Member @Emelia8 @Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember13 Oct 2020, 10:11 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Aww, he just sang with his son David 😭 "All my sorrows"

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor13 Oct 2020, 10:12 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member A fellow Bird-enthusiast would always be welcome here.

I just love sharing the things or passions/ interests that I have, with other people.

Unfortunately I don't know anyone here (in Perth), who's into birds or nature.

Plus I don't have any visitors come (usually) - so there's no-one to show things to.

Hi @Emelia8 I hope you are well, or at least okay.

Yes I had heard that Jimmy Barnes had a tough life, I don't know the details.

Yes, I've had a tough life - in relation to other people's behaviour, rather than abject poverty.

Although I was virtually homeless, at at least one point - when I came here to WA, 26 years ago (soon after).

Joining a Religious Order (when only 21), after having had a childhood of severe neglect, SA, physical & emotional A - simply re-created the environment & family up-bringing, that I had just come from.

Being in the Religious Order was so controlling, felt like being in Prison - they controlled & restricted every aspect of my life.

I am still traumatised by that experience today - & few people even recognise that Life/ Experience as a trauma.

I am catching up with an old friend (since 1998) tomorrow for a coffee - he is my parent's age.

We met in a GROW Group, when I was the Organiser, 22 years ago.

Years have gone by, when we have not seen each other (despite promising to) - Now we are trying to catchup a bit more often.

I really value my connections & friendships - though I have so few of them.

So that sort of thing is important, & I look forward to it (it helps).

My brothers (all in NSW) have virtually cut me off - None of them (4) has returned any of my SMS Messages or my phone calls, for many months.

Even though I am the one who is making the effort (I usually am) - That really hurts.

Have a good night.

I'm fading too fast, cannot write anymore (brain freeze) - have to go to bed soon.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor13 Oct 2020, 10:15 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Eve7

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor13 Oct 2020, 10:17 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Adge how are you tonight?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor13 Oct 2020, 10:21 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member @Emelia8 @Eve7

I just received a Spam Email from a "Psychic" - Claiming to be able to "Reveal my Future".

I got sucked in & Ripped off ($100's) by one of those, several years ago.

I don't want to get hooked in by that again...

I'm just a bit too Gullible (or just plain vulnerable) sometimes.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember13 Oct 2020, 10:30 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good night precious @Adge, if you could record Jimmy Barnes tonight (bring couple hours behind us) you might appreciate his story. I believe he also suffered CSA. His music and a lovely wife got him through, and a step dad that he himself says "saved them all" (must be the Scottish Blood lol)
Sorry you feel abandoned by your siblings too. This is the legacy of a broken 0 abusive childhood home (I've come to understand). Nobody is coping and our relationships are sooooooo stuffed up. After the way they treated me when I moved to Sydney to help mum & dad... I forgive them but I've given up throwing myself in the fire for them anymore (their abuse, scheming, ignored letters etc). Have you ever wondered if you're actually better off not having them in your life Adge? If they treat you with such disrespect? Well, that's where I'm at now.
Hope tomorrow goes well Adge, coffee catch-up with an old friend from GROW. I used to go to grow.
Sleep tight Adge 🙏💙🐦

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember13 Oct 2020, 10:50 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Tried to ring my son again this morning. Left a msg. His reply tx was "Hi mum, I'm getting ready for work. Hope you're ok?" 😞
I've been trying to organise coming to see his flat but every w'end (says he's too busy through the week) he buffs me off for this or that. Makes me feel so alone, apart from his friends (that come and go) I know he's alone too. Breaks my heart and I don't know how to be for him anymore. Maybe he is better off without me. Just gotta build what I can without him but stay open. Don't think he credits me with much brains or substance - and mocks my faith. Can't make people see your good parts. He says I'm too needy if I push it with him. Guess suicide attempt after his sister died will never be forgiven. Maybe he's right. Kinda at his mercy but have to make it 'not matter' (not hurt so much) to be present when he does have time for me. Poor guy has to bury me one day. That's why I came back really, to make it easier for him. And hopefully get some healing in before then. Time will tell. I have faith 💙

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