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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Aug 2020, 11:39 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Its been happening for months, image approvals seem selective to me (deliberate) how is it I could load images for 4yrs and suddenly can't? At least I can post "quick reply" (for now)

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor24 Aug 2020, 11:50 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Im sorry, i didnt mean to make you more frustrated. Was just letting you know ive had issues for abit with pictures as well.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Aug 2020, 12:06 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

I am very sorry to hear your frustration with the image approval process. Please know that this process does not target any specific member. All images posted to a member's albums will need to go through this process before it can go live on the forums.

As you may have noticed, we have been doing some improvements to the forums and our moderation technology. We are always looking for ways to make the forums better for all of our members. Therefore, the image approving process exists to allow moderators to prevent any contents, which may breach the Community Guidelines from being posted. We will always contact a member via email if we reject an image. If you have any further questions, please feel free to let us know via email- team@saneforums.org 😄

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Aug 2020, 3:41 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yes well, I'm aware moderators check images conform to guidelines. However, as I've said numerous times for weeks now, it's not getting approval that's my issue, it APPEARS to be a tech glitch associated with uploading and editing posts. Its unknown which end the glitch is, or if human bias is the cause. I have a lot to offer through images. Words are harder. And because tx also doesn't respond for NORMAL replies (forcing me to only use 'quick reply' I and denies the convenience of automatic tag lists.
Thanks for rehashing all his @outlander but it doesn't matter. Its forcing me to work harder at a sense of 'belongingness' irl,
somehow
in the middle of a pandemic
It doesn't matter
Appearances are more important
spring is coming
🌷🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor24 Aug 2020, 4:08 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh dear @Former-Member ... are you only able to post using the QUICK REPLY button? Thats so hard, I am sorry to hear that. It could also explain why you are unable to post pictures. I am unable to post any pictures if utilising the Quick Reply option. Perhaps @Former-Member @Former-Member @s-jay may look into the reason you are unable to use the normal REPLY button. Then the other issue of not being able to post pictures may be resolved at the same time.

I do want to reassure you that you do belong here, and I have always valued your friendship and input. So please do not give up on us.

But I do want to commend you for working at feeling more comfortable about finding a place you feel you belong IRL. That too is important, especially after having only recently moved to a completely new area to live. But having support from peers here is also important. I hope something can be sorted soon for you EOR .. as this has been going on for way too long ... clearly causing confusion, frustration and feelings of being unsupported.

Yes ... spring is coming! 🌼🌻🌷🌹🌺

Emelia 🌸

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor24 Aug 2020, 5:58 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Your present to your Dad sounds wonderful @Former-Member I have no idea what to get my Dad - he is so hard to buy for and doesn't need anything, I can imagine it is frustrating not being able to find things - hope amongst all your unpacking you find what you want. Me - not doing so well still but went to work today. One day at a time for me at the moment and deal with whatever I need to when it comes up.

Thanks for the Hon - very much appreciated. Lots of these back to you too.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Aug 2020, 10:16 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Emelia & @Zoe
Yes, I'm only able to reply through the 'QUICK REPLY' 99% of the time. Thank you for finally hearing me. Yes, dad should enjoy his gift, f he gets it. I have rang nursing home numerous times to about if he got his birthday gift in May and his Easter eggs, but the nurse on 'doesnt know' wasn't on that day... and dad's dementia, he can't remember what he had for breakfast, or who I am for that matter. I label an clothes I mail, put his name on this gift box. Think I'll try mailing it to dad's activity coordinator with instructions to improve dad's experience / quality of life... and I'll mail it 'certified post's so they have to sign for it.
I found a little hand saw at the TipShop yesterday (still can't find other) which is working well. Today i've built a slat shelf under the leather cushion of a foot stool that had lost its straps. This has made it strong also sit on now. Proud of myself 😁 - need a footstool. This was a roadside throwaway too - now fixed! and it's a whole 60cm wide. With this knee going I need higher chairs to get out of - feet don't touch ground, need foot rest, plus it take pressure off lower back. Haven't found the right recliner yet but looking.
Also found one of those beach backrests, brand new, I use it to sit up on long couch - turned it into a daybed.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor24 Aug 2020, 10:41 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

What a clever industrious @Former-Member you are. How I wish I could turn my hand to doing some of that kind of thing like you do. I already know @Zoe7 is a dab hand at anything handyman related. I feel dreadfully useless in comparison to the pair of you.

Such a caring thoughtful daughter you are to your Dad .. really lovely all that you do for him.

I hope the Managers get back to you soon EOR to help you work out why you can only use Quick Reply option, and hopefully find a solution. It could be something really simple.

Off to bed shortly. Good night 💤

Emelia 🌺

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Aug 2020, 11:09 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

💌😴💤

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor03 Sept 2020, 11:06 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Dear @Former-Member ... really sorry I havent been around in a while but, as you know, I had a week offline. Thank you for your lovely messages on my trauma thread and also what you posted to me on the Worry Room thread ... you are very kind and thoughtful.

Which brings me to your post yesterday in Worry Room. I wish I knew what to say to help alleviate some of your pain and sense of rejection by family, I really do. How could your family members be so dramatically different to you EOR? They sound like total thoughtless scoundrels. Total opposite of you my dear. Are you adopted I wonder? And I say that with absolutely no disrespect to you or anyone else. But you are clearly so different from the rest of your mob, from everything you have said both recently and in the past. I dont know what the solution is. I guess to somehow learn to not let them hurt you any more than they have. To be excluded from so many major family events must be heartbreaking for you, and there really is no excuse for them doing that to you. Just accept that the problem is with them EOR, and at the end of the day ... you cannot fix them. It would be nice to think they were more like you ... but sadly there are few like you around. The mold was broken when you were made. Please just keep being you ... the beautiful thoughtful caring person we all know you to be.

Emelia 🌸

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