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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Awww @Former-Member I'm so sorry 😔💔 life is so hard for you currently.

I had hoped that your move back up that way could be a turning point for you. Perhaps it still will be, but I guess it will take time. Have you been able to establish a health care team in your new location yet? Oh yes ... boundaries are very important. I read a little about whats been happening with your son, and his visits with you and his Dad. At least you now have contact with your son, and your Sunday meals together sounds like a good thing to me.

And I didnt mean to cause you to cry either, so I am sorry if I said anything to cause that.

Good to hear you have a garden happening. So true ... our dear pooches are the absolute best, and little saviours in their own right. My girl has not been so well lately though, and I am worried about her. Something isnt right with her, but I'm unable to put my finger on it. Her vet tells me everything seems okay, but I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm just worrying unnecessarily? I hope so.

Anyway, please do take care EOR, and know you can message me anytime if you need a listening ear.

Emelia 🌸

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Dogs, like babies can reflect us... our subconscious... hope you are ok @Emelia8
I'll feel better when I get out of bed. Really cold here today.

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey there @Former-Member I am sorry to hear you're having such a heavy day, glad to see your friend @Emelia8 giving you some support. Please know you are very valued amongst your community here. If you have any concerns with the forums, we ask that you engage with our e-mails. Please move all communication about your concerns to team@saneforums.org, we can work through it with you.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member ... Yes thank you EOR ... I am okay. Better for being here, and better for being able to reconnect with you.

Yes its cold, wet and dreary here today as well. I got out of bed early this morning, but not long out of my PJs and warm dressing gown. After coming from where you did though, I imagine the cold you are feeling now is nothing like the cold you had where you were. No more frosts, ice and freezing mornings. Probably just damp and dank now I guess. What sort of heating do you have there? Perhaps emerge from bed and get some heat happening. And its nearly lunch time now. I'm making toasted sandwiches here .. ham, cheese and tomato. What will you be having? Wish I could share a nice lunch and cuppa with you. 😊

Emelia 🌸🤗💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@:face_with_rolling_eyes:

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good news about your Dad @Former-Member but not such great news about you thinking you don't know anyone anymore. That is really tough to be feeling Hon. I don't have many words myself right now but sending you a whole heap of love

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member ... just letting you know that I am thinking of you today. I hope you are okay.

The weather is much brighter here today, than yesterday. I expect it is where you are too.

In fact I am about to make a pot of tea, but myself some gingerbread cake and head outside in the sun for a cuppa.

Would you care to (virtually) join me? Bring Georgia too, my Abbie will be happy to see her. And I can show you around my garden.

@Maggie @Eve7 @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope All welcome to join in with me this morning.

Emelia 🌸

Pic is a bit flasher than my deck and garden, but I can always hope I guess. Looks pretty inviting.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank you @Emelia8 ..... just trying to talk myself into getting up out of bed and going ..... probably if I didn't have D2 to make breakfast for, I wouldn't ..... but then my assignments wouldn't get done either.

💜🌻 @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Faith-and-Hope 💕🤗

I know what you mean around needing to get up in the morning, for the sake of others. For you its D2, for me its Husband. Mind you, I also have to get up for my little doggie Abbie, as do you for gorgeous Nelly. And I'm sure that @Former-Member does also for her Georgia. Pets do so much for us.

Emelia 🌸

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, @Faith-and-Hope, @Appleblossom... Hope we are holding up. Spring is on the way 🌷🌞🌷🌞🌷
@Emelia8 thanks for reply, I did soak up som sunshine and prayed, so beautiful out today, cold wind has gone. Got interrupted by an adventurous large dog finding his way round the back and set off furbaby who would take on a great Dane... didn't have leads but fortunately the ridgback-x was more scared of her. She won't eat her brekky now and been pacing since :face_with_rolling_eyes: bit funny actually.
Met my be GP yesterday, she's lovely (as told), and efficient... increased BP meds & ordered bloods. Grabbed groceries on way home, including a rosemary plant. Every home needs rosemary. Hope your ginger cake goes well - yum!
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