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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember15 July 2020, 6:07 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Zoe7
Thanks for thinking of me. I'm ok enough. Had a shower and hair today (always makes ya feel better), then I went to Aldi for some essentials.
I just talking with friend whose 35yr old DIL (mother of 4yr old) suicided last week 😞 She'd had a stroke and Left note saying she felt everyone was better off without her... very sad.
Unpacking is slow going but don't see any point in rushing. Energy starting to kick back in a little yesterday. Looks like you and F&H are plodding along ok, staying afloat and riding life's waves, stay strong. Thanks for stopping by 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 July 2020, 6:13 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That is really sad @Former-Member but we both know how hard it is when our world falls apart and no doubt the stroke did that for her. Horrible though for her kids and family

Take your time with the unpacking - there certainly is no rush. I am not worrying about doing things at my place presently - too much school work to do but once it is done I will have more time during the week to ease back into work.

Yes I am pldding along okay. I am worried a bit about our F&H but she is good at looking after herself when she needs to so that gives me confidence.

It sounds like you are settling in well so that is good to hear 💜💜💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor15 July 2020, 6:25 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yep @Former-Member I Closed My Eyes & the Mess Did Disappear - & Everything on my To Do List was Done.

Well not really - I loved that Quote & Picture.

I'm thinking of you...

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember16 July 2020, 7:48 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 💙
@Adge - good to see you. Are you doing ok? Have they pensioned you off yet? I'm thinking you deserve early retirement, and need it. Done pretty well when ya think of it... all things considered. Speaking of which... have they removed that pesky stitch yet?
I'm getting over another flashback... again. Stupid sirens woke me, again 😞 on and on the torture. Doing breathing helps a bit, just hate remembering it - so invasive.
Hmm, just paid all my bills before even getting out of bed 😲 on my smartphone, hmm 🤔not sure about this brave new world we live in.
EOR-

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember16 July 2020, 7:53 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember16 July 2020, 7:58 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember16 July 2020, 8:05 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Finally made headway yesterday. Shower✔️ assembled bed ✔️ found vac cleaner + toolbox ✔️ half emptied van to go get storage unit stuff ✔️ grocery Shopping✔️ washed hair ✔️ (it's long:face_with_rolling_eyes:) organised RED FOLDER (BILLS)

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MaggieSenior Contributor16 July 2020, 8:59 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Just leaving a hug. I don’t know what to say. It’s been a rough morning, with triggers for you, 🤗🤗💞💞

Well done on all the achievement. 👍👍👍

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor16 July 2020, 11:00 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh @Former-Member that is not good at all. I hope by now you have been able t settle those flahbacks Hon.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor16 July 2020, 12:42 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member @Former-Member Flashbacks, oh no (not fun)....

I don't usually get any visual flashbacks - I get what they call emotional flashbacks, apparently more common with complex trauma.

That's when I suddenly feel like intense despair feelings (& don't know why) - it's because I've been triggered by something (even though I don't know what).

The Stitches Removal is another Surgery (in about 2 weeks) - yes they have to open me back up again, because they're deep inside.

It hurts, 2 of them poking through my tummy for over 14 months - so I will be glad to get rid of that.

Early Retirement - well they've Raised the Aged Pension Age to almost 70 y.o. It will be over 70, when I get there.

They've Raised the Superannuation Claim Age to 60 (from 55) - So No, they want people to die working (have no Retirement), not retire early.

So if I don't get a Job, I will still be subjected to Job-Search expectations (with Big Stick held over head).

Sirens sounds scary - I sometimes think I'm hearing a Siren, when there actually isn't any siren (right now).

So it must be a flashback memory that I'm having of some past experience.

You paid your bills, excellent - I haven't paid mine yet (I do it via telephone).

Hugs (((EOR))))

How come you have 2 different EOR's, one with a - ?

Adge

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