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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member The 2 stitches sticking out (through skin) are internal, not outside.

Which is why it is hard to deal with (& distressing).

They were supposed to be dissolvable (absorbed) stitches - yet they are not.

GP discovered (said) that they are permanent stuff - like fishing line.

Yes, lower abdomen.

My ear wax problem is made worse (or more regular) - by having to wear earplugs, because of my very noisy neighbours (with their booming outdoor speakers).

Ear plugs push wax further in (apparently).

My 2 Peachfaces seem good & happy (so far) - no sign of any aggression towards the Cockatiels (Weeros) & Budgie, in same cage.

It's a Big Cage (or small aviary) on Wheels - I try to keep all my birds in pairs (2) with some extra company (other birds).

I always feel so sad when I read about your grief, losing your daughter.

I don't want you to feel worse, by my mentioning it...

Yet it's so hard for you - gut-wrenching, I reckon.

I just want to be able to bring these people back to life, I don't want them gone - sadly I cannot do that....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Adge, ye, the teas still come to mention my beautiful girl, and so many lost moments. Thank you. Sorry about this health things and crappy neighbours. Ask God to move them on maybe. I just saw Zoe7 popped in. Glad for F&H she did. Not sure what happened there, behind the scenes stuff maybe. Makes me sad, found this pretty butterfly for her, and all the loss in the World. I can't wait to go to the promised land where there's no more tears. I'm sorry to everyone that I'm so sad so much - can't stop it. Broken heart I guess. Not much isvworsevthsn watching your baby take her last breath 😧😟😩😠😭SI😟😩😠😟😩😠😭SI😞😢😢...

Never mind. Cuppa tea fixes everything. Actually, bought decaf cuppacino pks today, might have one of them

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

JynxModerator

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member,

Just checking in, sending some solidarity and support, especially if you're experiencing SI. Let us know if you feel like you're unsafe at all.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'll be ok thanks @Jynx, but probably need to go self care a while. SI comes over me with emotional distress so yeah, need to calm myself. Good Night 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Jynx Your Mushroom (Toadstool) Avatar Picture has Gone (I miss that one) - replaced by a German Shepherd Dog....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good night @Former-Member Have a Good Sleep (I hope)....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

So sorry @Former-Member ... there really are no words I can use that will ever take away the pain of such tragic loss. I cannot even imagine how hard it was, and continues to be, for you. I think I just wanted to let you know that I hear you, and my heart aches for you.

I'm really sorry I cannot help.

Sending love and emotional strength.

Sherry 💔

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

JynxModerator

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Adge! Aww I thought it was time for a little change, and it's actually a fox! They're my favourite animal This particular foxy has what is called melanism - the opposite of albinism - hence being all black and orange! Maybe I'll swap back to a mushroom once I feel like shaking things up again

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Very nice @Jynx That's a lovely (Big) Picture.

I can see now that it is a fox.

Yep, too slender for a German Shepherd.

Adge

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