why can't I cope longer?

THIS ONE MADE ME CHUCKLE

Thank you @Zoe7, yyou also understand I think. That being paralysed. Somewhere in your past. But here you are holding down a job, wow, talk about recovery hope

How's it going BTW? you must have settled in by now. I can't think of anything more overwhelming than a big class of children to control... how to you do it?

Having trouble moving today, pain in left femur doesnt help. But gotta keep going with getting out of here. Real estate Agent came yesterday, unannounced, sent to do a sale evaluation proposal. I so gotta get out of here! But where to find the energy... I'm so tired... Need help, but there isn't any.

Tried to book into my new GP yesterday, feeling realpy unwelp, but got msg at reception saying I'll have to pay a $50 cancellation fee if I cancel future appointment (only cancelled once before - last week). I hung up and cried for two hours, and spent the rest of the day on headache pills in bed. It frightens me because with depression some days I wake up and can't function enough to get out the door, and sometimes I forget things, like apts, and I can't afford yo risk a $50 fee if I'm having a bad day, and I feel like a child, like this threat to fine me is an attempt at behaviour modification, treating me like a child as if I deliberately set out to inconvenience them. I now don't have a doctor when I'm in crisis and its frightening. Nobody seems to understand how hard it is for me atm.

Good thing is about that, I'm so bloody tired, pushing hard to do every little thing, that I can't feel any anxiety, and suicidal waves are not so intense. I wish I could be excited about a 'roadtrip' but that's gone too... just flat

thanks for listening.

appreciate you guys here...

A lot of places have a cancellation fees now @Former-Member It is a commercialised world we live in It is so important to have a GP we can turn to when in crisis and have that understanding that some days it is impossible to get out of the house and make those appointments. I also understand that other people could be taking those appointments and giving as much notice as possible that you are not going to make it will allow someone else to fill that timeslot. That doesn't help you though when you simply can't move enough to make the time you have booked. Hoping very much you can make the next appointment - you certainly need that extra support right now.

My role at work is more working with small groups or one on one with students. I actually miss teaching a whole class but I am also enjoying being back to work. The constant changes in classes and grades has taken a little to get used to but I am slowly getting there. All the teachers have seemed to be appreciative of the help though and that has added to the positive experience I am having there.

This week has been super tough as this headache I have had since Sunday doesn't seem to want to go away. I have a gp appointment this afternoon though so will discuss it with her then. Just had to leave DBT early because I couldn't sit there in the lights for any longer. The facilitator thought it was a good idea I come home too so I must be looking unwell still. I won't be missing anything I can't catch up on next week though.

I know that flat feeling very well @Former-Member It is as if you can't do anything and you have no motivation to even try. It is a hard position to be in - especially when there are so many things you need to do. Getting out of the house is not a priority - just getting through the day is all you can do. I have had a few days like that lately but knowing I have to go to work has pushed me along. Some days are really hard to get up. showered, dressed and off to work but once I get there I am usually okay. Yesterday I think I struggled the most with the persistent headache and feeling really tired despite sleeping for 9 hours - so grateful to not be at work today though and will likely sleep again when I get back from the gp.

Glad you are getting something out of the circles. @Former-Member

Love your posts.

About 28 years ago I identified being catatonic. So I guess my circles were really small then. I did not walk in them, and was out of energy, though come to think of it I was often washing or sanding walls ,,, some circular motion there.

I wish I could do more than distract.

Hugz

GP thinks it was a combination of not having one of my meds for a few days and tiredness from not sleeping well @Former-Member It could also be from some tightness in my neck - but it is much better today so I think it was most likely the meds and lack of sleep. I got through today quite well - and didn't need pain killers so that is a bonus.

How has your day been?

My day has merged into the last few - pretty much all the same slow slow... Not getting much done fast, though managed another x2 big garbage bags of clothes for charity.
Keep having to have laydowns, slows me down so much.
Any plans for the weekend @Zoe7 and @Appleblossom ?

It is good that you have sorted 2 more bags for charity @Former-Member Often a clean out is cathartic and donating can make us feel good too

I don't really have any plans for the weekend - some cleaninig up inside today and maybe a visit to my sister's later today if I am feeling okay. I do have some planning for school I need to get done but that might be a tomorrow job.

Do you have any plans @Former-Member ?