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having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Apr 2016, 8:01 am AEST

having a bad morning

I am feeling that my life at the moment is crap. I am so depressed and find that more so in the mornings. I hate myself so much, the way I feel, the way I act and behave. I know people will say to me 'oh just get over it' or 'you're not trying hard enough' - well to those people who say that: Do you have a mental illness; do you know what it's like to have depression and feel so dark that you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel; do you self harm to get rid of your emotions and to feel the pain; or do you think about suicide because it's all too much and you can't handle the pain anymore - NO. So don't tell me to just 'move on' or 'stop being too sensitive'.

I am not having a good morning this morning; tears are flowing as i am typing. And I have to get ready for work; damn work. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living and why?

I really don't know how i am going go today at work; I feel so depressed. 😞

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In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor16 Oct 2016, 4:44 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

@BlueBay. You could always put a different return address on the back of the envelope - work address or friend. And have one of your kids write on the envelope. That way your handwriting is only on the card. You may need to send many before one gets through to him & past the others. But you do need to think if you would be able to cope with it coming back or no response at all. Only you know what you can and cannot handle at this time.
Your MIL. I think your tears are justified. Remembering who she was & how she is now. But she was lucid for a few minutes - so that is good.
I'm glad the hospital will run further tests tomorrow. Just to be sure. And when she goes back to the nursing home - she will have some new pain medication.
Remember, most people don't die - how your MIL is doing. And I love your psychologists response. Too afraid to live. I see that changing in you. Little bit by little bit - you are expanding your safe areas to be. Work. Beach. Markets. Other towns.
See if you can redirect that fear of dying into a plan for a new activity - that gets you living in the now.