having a bad morning

Thank you @Former-Member@Former-Member

I am getting ready for work. Yes good idea @Former-Member I will go now and make a cuppa and go outside and water the vegie garden.

It has really rattled me this morning. @Former-Member I will try to be gentle today. Have to go to work (no choice) so i know i will be distracted.

Take care @BlueBay .... have a gentle care-for-yourself day ....

@Former-Member said it best ... the dreams can't hurt you in the here and now .... the memories as they rise to the surface .... toss them to the breeze and let them fly away .... unneeded .... they belong to the past ... your sub-conscious is cleansing itself ....

Breathe ....

💗💐💗💐💗💐💗

Thank you @utopia. We got to the hospital and found MIL in bed unable to move very much. We found out that she has fractured 4 ribs. She fell twice, the first one a few weeks ago but the nursing home did nothing as in x-ray. When she fell this week just gone they decided that because she was in pain that they would send her to hsopital to get x-rayed.

She is aging so much so quick. It breaks my heart to see a person go like this. It is horrible. She knew who we were but then went off in her own world and started to talk to 'her friend' outside the window.

We stayed for a while then spoke to the nurse. He said that the doctor will review her tomorrow and she will also have an ultrasound of her pelvis in case that is fractured as well. They then will review her medications and most likely send her back to nursing home as there is nothing they can do for ribs. It will heal in time, but because of her age it will take a lot longer. She is 87.

My husband was okay, I walked out crying. He said to me that he knows it's not his mum anymore, so i guess in a way he has accepted it. But i feel so much for her and for him.

We are home now and hubby and gone with older son to shopping centre - it's just had a huge extension. I can't be bothered with shops, have no money and don't like crowds. So i am home with Jersey and daughter and younger son.

Seeing my MIL today has made me so scared of dying. Just the thought of the next phase of what will happen. It is so frigthening, but I remember telling my therapist this and he said that i was even scared of living.

What a great achievement in you mowing the grass. You have a huge amount to do. That is great.

@utopia

I have to focus right now because my mind is wandering to the 'what if's'

What if i don't get to see my dad and the beginning of his dementia will get worse. And then what if he doesn't remember me.

Too many thoughts, right need to do something.

Ohh @BlueBay, sending you lots of love and hugs for you and your family at this time

One day at a time my friend xx

Thank you @Shaz51 xxoo

@utopia yes you're right, my relationship with my dad is really important. There is something there, and i think it could be that we are both the same - we tend to keep things inside and not speak out. I know that he will be hurting just as much as me. I know that. I have tried many times before sending birthday presents, letters - but they get sent back.

I just don't know if I can go through the hurt again of receiving my card back. It hurts too much. But thank you for the suggestion. I will speak with either my psych or my new psychologist when i see her in Nov.

Feeling really flat today; I have just made an orange cake (but the funny thing is I can't remember if I put the milk in) my memory is so bad at the moment, must be too much stress going on. Oh well, milk or no milk I am sure the kids will still eat it, me too!!!

The skies have opened up and it is now pouring with rain. Hubby and older son still out, youngest son gone to work and my daughter is about to head off to her boyfriends.

Just me and jersey soon. oh well she will keep me company.