having a bad morning

Hi @utopia

I just had my shower and I am going to bed after this post - but I like what you wrote and don't want to take this chance of missing answering it

I understand what you said - with my parents my father had enough of my mother and TS and for years he kept things quiet and we talked a lot - and at the end he told me how proud he was of me - that I had done something he could not have - and I know both my parents had terrible regrets and yet that was what they chose - and now they are both dead - and that part of my life is behind me

I guess my mother was not ready to parent two children a year apart in WW2 with Dad in an essential industry working long shifts - and I was obedient, honest and rebellious -

But yes - it is powerful to remember that they chose to behave like that - and TS still does -

But when I was born my father and the rest of the family were all thrilled and as you say about your father - regarding my mother - I refuse to suffer because of her cruelty and her unintelligent mind

Yet - I must be a bigger person - I believe I am - for I do feel really sorry for both of them and TS for being that way - for making those decisions - how terribly it must be to suffer regrets like that - but it was not my choice

Okay - time for bed - back later

Decadian

That is a terrible nightmare @BlueBay

I had some of those myself - it's your mind preparing you for the eventual time when you yourself will realise at a deep level the father you love is not the man you think he is - the father you love has given up.

And I know how this feels - but he is choosing this - mine did for a long time - but eventually he must have realised that peace at any price is no peace at all and got back to me

This is what I hope happens for you - that your Dad will put your mother in her place and get back to you - it might happen - and in the sane and sensible part of your brain this is settling for "never".

We have no control over what other people choose to do and what they chose to be - and you - as I did - had to settle for "very unkind behaviour"- and with my mother - it ended on that note

I still care about you and you might be surprised how often I think about you

Our dreams tell us a lot about our lives - and those things we hope for and the things we want to be different - there is still time

Decadian