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having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Apr 2016, 8:01 am AEST

having a bad morning

I am feeling that my life at the moment is crap. I am so depressed and find that more so in the mornings. I hate myself so much, the way I feel, the way I act and behave. I know people will say to me 'oh just get over it' or 'you're not trying hard enough' - well to those people who say that: Do you have a mental illness; do you know what it's like to have depression and feel so dark that you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel; do you self harm to get rid of your emotions and to feel the pain; or do you think about suicide because it's all too much and you can't handle the pain anymore - NO. So don't tell me to just 'move on' or 'stop being too sensitive'.

I am not having a good morning this morning; tears are flowing as i am typing. And I have to get ready for work; damn work. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living and why?

I really don't know how i am going go today at work; I feel so depressed. 😞

1047 replies

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In response to: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor28 July 2016, 11:56 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Me too @BlueBay

Hug ❣

In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor29 July 2016, 12:41 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @BlueBay. It might not feel like it to you, but from here reading your posts - ylu are on the right track.
Going to group. Talking a little to other patients. Thats great. That's small steps and you're doing them. And you ade talking to your nurses. Thag is what they are there for.
You spoke to your husband about your lack of sexual desire! And whag was his response - he loves you and wants to see you healthy.
WOW! You really did achieve alot. You are on your way to getting better.
Swedt dreams.

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor29 July 2016, 6:43 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Thanks guys. I lost it this morning. Told the nurse of my suicidal thoughts. She was really good. After lunch I slept for 2 hrs waking up ok. But then again feeling very dark so I spoke to a male nurse who's fantastic. He suggested I go for a short walk to get some air and it will change my mind. First I said no then said ok I'll go but if I don't feel safe I will ring you. They gave me their number. I only walked for about 15 mins which was enough.
Tomorrow going home for only few hrs agent coming to do an appraisal. I now have my own room which is where I'm hiding away. I'm finding that I don't want to sit and chat only dinner time. I think I just need my own space that I had been longing for.

In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor29 July 2016, 9:57 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

@BlueBay. Keep pushing through those thoughts. Keep talking to staff and attending groups. You will get there. Don't hide for too long in your room. A short walk is great to get you out and about.
Keep going. Thinking of you

In response to: having a bad morning

DecadianSenior Contributor30 July 2016, 10:47 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @BlueBay

I started writing a reply to you yesterday but I was interupted and did not get the chance to return to it - it was one of those busy days where things kept happening and what I was writing was sensitive

Oaky - about your mother - I know how hard it is to let go of her - and this is destroying you. I have been reading your posts - everyone of them - all these months and know she is at the bottom of all that has been dragging you down and making life hell for you

In the last months I have been on a quest to find my mother - that is - what was it that made her so nasty toward me - and I think it started in her childhood and there is no excuse for bad behaviour - in either of our mothers - but there is this - maybe they can't help it

And we don't have to put up with it

It is hard - I know this - but nothing you can do will change your mother. Nothing you do will make her love you - or be kind to you - or care about you - and your father is making a choice too - to stick by your mother - for whatever reason

I don't know what it was that made my family give me such a hard time and I think you will never know what has happened in your case either - but it is time now for your to ask the people in the hospital - and they sound really kind and helpful there - to help you to let go of your mother in the shape she is now.

One thing is certain @BlueBay - your parents will regret this before the end - mine did - and I think I have told you this before

Don't let this destroy you - it is contaminating your whole life and believe me - your mother doesn't care and seems so bitchy she may get pleasure out of your misery

Okay - that's enough for now - and I hope you stay in hospital for as long as it takes because this is very serious - I am glad you have your own room and you feel safe there - but you need to make the most of this situation

I really care

Decadian

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor31 July 2016, 10:30 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Dear @NikNik and all my "online friends"
I'm still in hospital working through my issues and mental health. I've decided for me to heal I need to have a break from being on here. It could just be a few weeks or a few months. I'm not sure.
I just want to say thank you to everyone for all your help and support you have all given me over the past few months.
It's not easy to take a break but I feel I need to get my head around things that I'm dealing with.
Wishing you all the best. Take care. xxxoo

In response to: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor31 July 2016, 10:58 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

@BlueBay

❤💕

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

DecadianSenior Contributor31 July 2016, 12:20 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

I understand @BlueBay

Take all the time you need

Decadian

In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor31 July 2016, 1:24 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

All the best @BlueBay. You do what's right for you

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor26 Aug 2016, 12:58 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

I hate my psych my mum my dad and everyone who has left me.
I'm angry I want to break things. Wish I could get out of this world.
No one cares. He my psych must think I'm stupid or a no body because he never called me back after all the calls I made this week. He was the one who asked me to call. Well you know what he can get lost I go t need him I need no one in my Life. It just sucks.

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