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having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Apr 2016, 8:01 am AEST

having a bad morning

I am feeling that my life at the moment is crap. I am so depressed and find that more so in the mornings. I hate myself so much, the way I feel, the way I act and behave. I know people will say to me 'oh just get over it' or 'you're not trying hard enough' - well to those people who say that: Do you have a mental illness; do you know what it's like to have depression and feel so dark that you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel; do you self harm to get rid of your emotions and to feel the pain; or do you think about suicide because it's all too much and you can't handle the pain anymore - NO. So don't tell me to just 'move on' or 'stop being too sensitive'.

I am not having a good morning this morning; tears are flowing as i am typing. And I have to get ready for work; damn work. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living and why?

I really don't know how i am going go today at work; I feel so depressed. 😞

1047 replies

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In response to: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 3:56 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Wow @BlueBay .... that's so great !

What an achievement .... you're under way ....

Will catch up with you a bit later, but keep going ... baby steps .... as you can ...

It will be worth it.

🌷💕

In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 4:30 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

@BlueBay. I'm taking the liberty of talking on behalf of all of your friends here in the forum.
When you get out of hospital, after you are feeling heaps better, I expect to be sent a VIRTUAL scalf. I think you should also send VIRTUAL scalfs to the others here.
I'll start - I'd like a virtual scalf made of bright colours. Reds yellows oranges. I can picture my mood lifting as soon as I wrap it's soft wool around my neck.
What colour or style will your other friends pick and why?

In response to: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 4:50 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Oooh .... ooooh ..... I'm a rainbow girl @BlueBay - a little bit of everything for me please .... in coloured bands, or mix it up ... I don't mind !!

😊🌷💕

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor26 July 2016, 6:46 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Damn emotional night. Damn damn. Too many triggers atm.
Wish I could run away. Anxiety shit.
Need to escape.

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor26 July 2016, 6:56 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Not one of my so called friends have text me or called me. What do they think I'm tired up to a bed having ECT. I'm so angry I would ring my friends if it was the other way around. It's shit just shows who your friends are.
I even sent a msg to my sister and do u think she has called or messaged me / NO.
I have no one that cares there's no point. Why are people so horrible.

In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 7:45 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Fact of life unfortunately @BlueBay that most people don't visit or call when you're in hospital with a psych disorder. It's just the way it is. It sucks and it's wrong. But it just is.
Meanwhile your forum friends are with you. We keep in contact because: 1 - we have MI & a lot of us have been in your shoes.
2.- we undedstand MI & are not frightened by it
& 3 - we like you and want the best for you.
So, until family and friends pick up the phone - you have us - a community who cares and will support you.
You did great today. Groups, lunch, knitting & making @Faith-and-Hope & I - our virtual scarves.
Focus on the positives. I can see an improvement. Look for it & you will see it too.
Hugs for a good restful sleep

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

Unknown userMember26 July 2016, 7:47 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @BlueBay

I rang my friend who was sick in hospital with cancer and she cut me short - she was too sick or distressed to take calls. I regretted calling. This is what your friends could be thinking - giving you space to rest and get well.

Dont let it upset you. Try and concentrate on getting well and on your healing - push all else out of your mind. We are your friends and we are here for you - focus on the good. Warm hugs xx

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

DecadianSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 10:38 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Ah yes @BlueBay

In hospital there are triggers everywhere - that's what happens - everyone has all their sh it and that is where they go to spread it around and that's how they get better

That's how you will get better

I was so glad to read on another thread that you are starting to voice your hate - this is a really good sign - you can't get past something until you know it's there

About your friends - this is people - I have been in hospital with chronic pain and not heard a word - people are like that - they will say they don't like hospital - they are entitled I guess - but being in a psyche hospital is harder - I don't know what people are afraid of - but truly - as unhappy as it is for you - they are protecting themselves

Because as someone else said - we understand how things are with you - most people don't - aw - they think their platitudes and throw-away comments haven't worked - darn - they run out of ideas

But we know - we can be there with you in a virtual way - and this is better - and I need a virtual scarf too - in various shades of blue - I know sitting and knitting is a way to pass the time when your mind is elsewhere

We care

Take you time - you have all the time in the world - to knit all these virual scarves and sort yourself out

When you have you will feel so much better - you have been battling ever since I joined this website - now let me think - nearly 5 months - and now you are in hospital where you are safe

Decadian

In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 5:20 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hello @BlueBay. Hope your day has been busy today. Groups can be hard - emotional - but I found it really does help. Glad to see you have a 3rd virtual scarf to get busy with - @Decadian.
What colour wool did your husband bring in the other day?

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor27 July 2016, 6:50 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi everyone
Started knitting my black mohair scarf (anyone want this one ?). I had a group today about relationship (how appropriate) and I broke down. I asked the female psychologist if I can talk to her and she said we can talk next week when she comes back in. Because of triggers and my emotions I started to self harm. Told male nurse what I did and that I'm not coping. He came and gave me some cream and made sure I was ok. Afternoon I had to get out and told him I wanted to go walk. He let me go but gave me wards number just in case I wasn't coping.
Got back and another nurse came in to talk. Well I bloody broke down again. Talked about a lot of stuff and she agreed that hubby needs to know how bad I am. She said everything in saying is the depression talking. I told her this is the worst I've ever felt. So hubby is coming in soon so I'll have a chat about intimacy and just how depressed I am. I am pretty sure that I'll be here next week as well. Stressing about finances with me off work. May have to ask kids to help us but that's embarrassing and I would feel ashamed as a parent to do that. But my health has to come first.
I think I bottled up and kept so much inside that now it's an explosion. Staff here are amazing and they all remember from previous admissions which really helps.
Better go hubby will be here soon. At least if I get upset I'm in the right place and can get staff support. Bye for now. Xxxooo

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