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having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Apr 2016, 8:01 am AEST

having a bad morning

I am feeling that my life at the moment is crap. I am so depressed and find that more so in the mornings. I hate myself so much, the way I feel, the way I act and behave. I know people will say to me 'oh just get over it' or 'you're not trying hard enough' - well to those people who say that: Do you have a mental illness; do you know what it's like to have depression and feel so dark that you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel; do you self harm to get rid of your emotions and to feel the pain; or do you think about suicide because it's all too much and you can't handle the pain anymore - NO. So don't tell me to just 'move on' or 'stop being too sensitive'.

I am not having a good morning this morning; tears are flowing as i am typing. And I have to get ready for work; damn work. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living and why?

I really don't know how i am going go today at work; I feel so depressed. 😞

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In response to: having a bad morning

SaharaSenior Contributor23 July 2016, 3:59 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @BlueBay, I just saw that you are in hospital also. I hope things go well for you and that you have the peri-menopause thing investigated properly. Sending you all the support in the world. Hugs.

Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling like running away and for crying. We all feel this way sometimes.

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor24 July 2016, 2:51 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi everyone
Sorry it's too hard to type everyone's name on phone keep stuffing up.
Drained exhausted and teary. That's me atm. Went out before coffee with hubby and all 3 kids. But now back in bed anxious and depressed. ☹

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

DecadianSenior Contributor24 July 2016, 2:59 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

@BlueBay

Hi there - it's okay not to remember all our names - it's tough on the phone - I know - it takes me ages to text

It might have been a mixed blessing to go out for coffee for your family - in hosptial you can go back to bed and dinner (whether or not you need it or want it) will be provided

Tomorrow the groups will start and you can start talking about your stuff - maybe it's a good idea to listen and get their measure before committing yourself - but then - you have been in this kind of situation before

We are thinking of you - I am caring a lot - and you have waited so long for this - you are totally drained

And you have friends here and your phone - you can keep in touch when you feel like it - and we will always be here

Decadia

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor24 July 2016, 4:50 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

@Decadian
Groups start tomorrow. Walking at 9.30 then coffee at hospital cafe. Group therapy all day and art and craft in afternoon. I actually had to get out of here this morning and I promised the staff I would be back in 1/2 hr. Went for walk near a creek with water rushing down the rocks and other side quiet and peaceful. But j stood there for 10 min and sobbed. Went back and told them what had happened. Staff are amazing they all remember me from last year. Easy to talk to.
You're think I'm totally drained. Exgsustion has caught up. Staff said I'm here now so I don't have to worry. No one will judge me so I need to let go of mask and be me. Xxxoo

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

DecadianSenior Contributor24 July 2016, 5:07 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

You're right @BlueBay

You're exhausted and drained and wiped out

And no one will judge you - I am not judging you at all

You don't have to worry about anything except getting well - and the rest - sleep when you can and take life easy -

And take your time - I always found groups to work well for me

Decadian

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

Unknown userMember24 July 2016, 5:09 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

@BlueBay

Thinking of you. I hope you are able to get the hormones sorted. By your last post you seem a little bit more settled now. If you remember ask for an AMH test, however it does cost roughly around 70 dollars. Hope you are getting some help & suport in hospital. Take it easy !

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor24 July 2016, 6:28 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

I feel so alone 😥😥😥
Having meals all alone. Don't know anyone want to be alone but feel so alone. Doesn't make sense 😥😥

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor24 July 2016, 6:35 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Thinking of you @BlueBay. Just keep taking it one day at a time.

What was for dinner tonight ?

We have some salad left from lunchtime, but there are a lot of bits and pieces left over from the last few days in the fridge.... think we are going to have a clean-out-the-fridge sort of dinner tonight.

💜🌷

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor24 July 2016, 6:46 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

@faithandhope
I suffer from fructose malabsorption so I have a special diet. But since I've been here I've had chicken for dinner every single night. So I complained.
Thanks to my friends here because no one is talking to me but I guess I've been sleeping or staying in my room. I don't like to get too close to anyone except staff.

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

Unknown userMember24 July 2016, 6:59 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

I am still thinking of you too @BlueBay . When I have been to the hospital to do the day program I felt quite alone too because I just wanted to keep to myself. I think its wise not to get too close too. I'm just about to start on dinner and I hope you are able to sleep okay tonight.

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