having a bad morning

I had a good day today @BlueBay ....

I walked to the river this morning, and there were my fin-babies, 🐬🐬🐬🐬🐬, five big Dolphins splashing around having their breakfast and blowing out of their blowholes .... they are so powerful and playful ❣ Everybody stops walking and watches them, and people chat to each other about them .... it's really nice.

Then I caught up with a couple of mum's from my kid's schools who I see every now and then. They go walking together, but one has a leg injury at the moment, and the other has just lost her fur-baby ....

Then the specialists office called and said they could fit my Dad in on a cancellation .... he has had problems with his ears, losing his hearing quite suddenly, and the doctor who saw him didn't like the look of it, so we have been quite worried .... but he had to get past his knee surgery before we could get to sorting his ear .... turns out it's a fungal infection, so the specialist cleaned out his ear and he can hear again !! A couple of weeks on antibiotics should see him right ....

I took him out for coffee to celebrate and get him out of the house for a bit longer ....

Just home now, but I am having a cheat dinner at home tonight. I cooked up a big lot of vegies yesterday, so I picked up some hot roasted meat and gravy on my way home to go with it .... got my feet up for a while.

Sounds like you need to be knitting scarves for everyone you know right now @BlueBay ....

Keep yourself busy and distracted as best you can .... hopefully it won't be too much longer now .... it will be good to have your son home and hear all his stories.

💜🐬

Hey @Faith-and-Hope

I love dolphins, they are beautiful. Sounds like you had a really good day. I really hope your dad gets well soon. Sounds like you are close to your dad which is so nice and special. Good idea on your dinner tonight. I cooked up so much rice and vegies tonight so I thought that I may add chicken to it for tomorrow night's dinner.

I need to keep knitting my scarf, i have been a bit slack lately.

Aw @BlueBay

This is the pits - I can hardly believe this - but it happens

You at the end of your tether - I get it - I understand how you can't see this guy until next week - and I have to be satirical and weep that he is sick and can't see you - at least he could put himself out enough to get you into hospital

That feeling - you have waited enough and you have been stuffed around - not good at all

Try ringing the hospital again - and say you need to be in hospital after all the extra wait because you weren't on the list - and this is just too much for you. Ask again how long you have to wait

You know all this though - I guess I am ratting on because I care and wish I could give you some kind of help with this

Decadian 😞

Can't get things right today.

I tried to go for a walk before with Jersey but do you think she wanted to go - NO. She would not move an inch. So I took the lead off and went inside. Why didn't I go for a walk? Because I have no motivation to go alone, I can't.

So now I have just put the clothes on the rack to dry, mopped the floor and I am completely borerd out of my brain. Seeing my GP at 12 noon.

Maybe i should do my homework that my therapist has given me - but i am worried that it will trigger some stuff and i will cry. I am trying so hard to not cry today. Home alone sucks.

well my plan didn't work - i am sobbing, nothing is working

@BlueBay Hi .....

I'm getting myself ready to head off for my walk .... but for me it's the opposite .... I need to find time to be alone ....

I rang the EDV support line this morning. My hubby is showing more signs of anxiety behaviour, and I had a feeling of being overwhelmed at the thought of him coming home tomorrow .... have bee crying a bit myself this morning ..... and it just helped to talk to a counsellor.

She can't help .... we are doing all we humanly can ..... it's my husband who needs the help and he can't see it .... but nothing I said shocked the counsellor .... and it was like a phone-hug.

So now I have stopped crying and I have made an appointment with our doctor for later today, because it is clear that my D3 is going to try to use her cold as a reason to not go to school tomorrow .... the first day of her last term ... and I am just so over it ..... in this moment I really don't care if she graduates or not. But for the longer term it is important to try to get her over that bar .... so on we go ..... but I am calling in the doctor's support. I am not going to try to do anything alone this term !!

Maybe when the crying slows down, you might as well have a look at that homework for the therapist ..... right ?

I will be thinking of you.

I will let you know if I see the dolphins today ....

❤️🌷💗💕

@Decadian

I am trying to do some homework for my therapist - i don't know what to write. I am crying becuase i can't do anything right. just phoned the hospital and unit manager said could be 7-10 days, as no one is moving out just yet. but she will give me plenty of notice so i can let my work know.

I feel so useless when i can't do my homework. I am supposed to write out stuff - What would be different if I wanted sex?

I don't even know what I want anymore;

I was hoping to not cry today, that was my goal - stupid goal anyway it difn't work did it? No becausse i can never stop crying, that's all i do lately is cry.

think i have to leave this homework for when i see him on saturday and he can help me; as long as he doesn't get annoyed that i haven't done it.

I am so sorry @BlueBay

When you see your GP today please let him know exactly what you are feeling - he is the only person who can help you now - it seems you have exhausted all possibilities

I don't know what else to say - which doesn't mean I won't think up something - but this is a bad place you are in right now -

About this homework - are you supposed to write something about how things would be better or different if you liked sex? That's strange - you might like sex but right now - it takes more than just liking sex - it takes love on both sides and it needs not being stressed and what the f.... is having sex going to do to help you now?

Maybe asking that question is your homework - I don't know - but it seems that sex is the least of your problems today - you need to get into hospital and when you are there - stay as long as you can

Decadian

@Decadian

I am feeling crap, stomach pains. My gut is bad today. It's probably stress like everything else in my life. My blood pressure is still 164/102, gp says just keep an eye on it and see him in a few days.

My homework - i am not going to do it. I tried to answer some questions but I can't. So i am not doing it. My therapist can help me on Saturday. Not in a good frame of mind to answer these questions.

Might go for a walk after with hubby depends on how i feel.

@Decadian I couldn't tell my GP how bad I feel. I was too concerned about my pains in my stomach.

I screw things up all the time don't I?

You know today is my parents wedding anniversary 55 yrs. And it's my brother's birthday (one of the abusers) well I know what he can do for his birthday ......... and as for my parents well it's so hard @Decadian it really is. I don't know if this is going to be my life now full of depression, anxiety BPD and lots of tears.

Maybe i should just go away, pack a bag and disappear. maybe that's the best thing to do right now.