Hi @Former-Member
I had a bit of a restless night. When I woke up this morning for whatever reason I started crying, it was like a huge wave of emotion came over me and I couldn't stop crying. And then the wave crashed and came back down and my emotions somehow calmed down. I stopped and took some deep breaths and it exhausted me, so i fell asleep again. (Not sure if this makes sense??)
I will ring my psych today and let him know what's going on. Something is not right and I can feel it in me.
Safety plan - i did write one up a while ago with the help of my therapist. Maybe I need to look at that again. I don't have any extra meds that i can take when like this, maybe worth asking my psych.
@NikNik I did what you suggested, I used the smiling mind app on my phone. It didn't take long before I was calm again and feeling sleepy. Thank you for reminding me to use that app. To be honest I do have that on my phone but at times when i am so bad in my head, I don't even think of that.
So much support on here, and i am sorry to you and to everyone because at times I don't think of others, or to even ask how others are going. I'm not a selfish person or self centred, i just struggle at times and try to reach out for help.
@Faith-and-Hope I just want to cry. Thinking that i had no friends at all that really understood. Truly understood. And now i know that i have so many on here that do understand what I mean. My freinds don't really understand because they've never been where we have on this journey. They don't know what it's like to have depression so dark and deep that all you want to do is go away to get rid of the pain and hurt.
@utopia Thank you for listening to me at times of my despair. I really do want to get better but at times I have this emotional wave where I feel that i am going to drown. It's scary, it hurts and i just cry. I really don't want to be at work today but i have no choice, i need to go as i have no leave left. and i need to not lose too much money before i go into hospital, because i will lose 4 days pay when i am away.
With so much gooing on in my head, tonight we have the counsellor from dementia coming home to talk to hubby and me about MIL.
It's exhausting trying to fight off my emotions, that's why this morning it came and i just let it out with crying.
Will this ever get better? I really hope so, i so look to having a better life but i am so scared that this is how i will be forever. and sometimes i get too damn tired of trying.
