having a bad morning

Hi everyone

Im not having 'a bad morning' but i am really sad and down emotinally tonight.

I didn't know where to write this.

I spoke to my sister (the only sibling that talks to me) and we were talking about my MIL dementia. She told me that my dad got lost down the street the other day. He had no idea where he was, couldn't remember the name of his street and got home later than what he was meant to.

I think that my dad may have dementia, his brother has it and his mum (my grandma) had it years ago.

I am really upset tonight, i was crying on my own before. I just feel that so much time has gone and what if he doesn't remember me when the tme come for reconcilation (if we ever have one). I so hate my mum she has caused a lot of this and i blame her.

She could have at least let my dad see me or ring me. I can imagine how difficult it is for him and how scared he must be to not remember where he was.

Not coping tonight 😞

@utopia

I am not ready or sure if i do want a reconciliation again. I can't even think about thqt yet. I got hurt and burnt before when I reconcilied i can't do that again.

Oh i don't know, i think i need to go to sleep. self soothe myself to sleep (if i can). I may even put on my meditation app on my phone.

I think i am just so scared of the future for my dad, seeing how my MIL is with dementia.

Have to stop thinking like this but its hard.

i can't go through what i did with the reconciliation, no way.

God i feel so stuck. i feel like screaming right now

Try to postpone the worry for tonight @BlueBay. There is nothing you can do for him this minute, tonight.

@utopia Is right .... tonight you need to self-soothe yourself through this moment and off to sleep.

The meditation app sounds like a good idea.

Sometimes there is a twist in the path that you didn't expect .... and things turn out for the best. While you don't know, try not to worry .....

Take care of yourself. We will be thinking of you and sending gentle hugs your way ....

💜🌷💜

Breathe in for a count of four, then out for a count of five, gently, until you fall asleep.

@Mazarita taught me that .... and it works well for me.

Gentle hugs -

💜🌷

Hi @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Decadian

I managed to sleep last night. I had to rock myself to sleep. it worked. I went to work this morning feelingt okay, i was think you know I can't do much at the moment, right at this time for my dad. He hasn't been assessed yet or even tested. i think last night when i found out from my sister i started to panic. fearing the worse that he will not remember me. and that i was running out of time.

but reality is and using my wise mind today i am okay, i am not going to reconcile or even contact them. i will just keep doing what i am doing. and if and when he gets more problems with dementia well then they can call me - if they want my support. otherwise it will be like this.

Oh guess what?? I get to work this morning and a new lady was starting today!!!! WTF why wasn't I told? I had no idea someone new was starting. But thank god she was lovely and has worked in pharmacy before. she knew everything except our new system on the register, which didn't take her long to work out.

Alleluia!!!!! the only bad thing is that she can only work until 3pm as she has little children. so who is going to work late on my day off??? no one has thought of that yet.

So tomorrow morning i am meeting my supervisor for a coffee and meeting. he wants to catch up reg. my letter to him requesting a pay increase. and i have a few things that need to be sorted out.

But today was so much easier having this new lady who knew quite a lot. I still had to train her but it's wasn't as hard as the previous lady.

i hope the meeting tomorrow goes well and that i get a pay rise.

let you all know how i go.