having a bad morning

Yes @BlueBay

You still have to go to hospital - you need to - you must put yourself first here

I have been reading what you have been writing for weeks - I have been taking note - and I really get it - I understand. You are not having some weepy little pity party - you are in deep shit and the thought of hospital right now is keeping your going

Don't worry about work - if only you can do it - then that's not your fault - some people to it - some people teach - other people move on because they are in the wrong job

But that is the manager's problem - not yours - it is his/her job to provide on-the-job education - not yours - unless that was in your original contract and I have a feeling there wasn't one

You have had one crisis after another - and this is something I really understand - I freak out - get totally useless ring Life Line - forget to eat - find things impossible -

So - I have done this for decades - hence the name - and I have learned to ride it out - but I certainly know what it's like to be totally overwhelmed with life

Decadian

@BlueBay

I have been flat out busy all day - can't imagine where my time went

Listen - you are not being negative - anyone who says that needs a comment-refit in their mouth or and attitude transplant - what do they know -

People say what they mean when they write - sure there is a space in the understanding from the written word to the mind of the person reading it - but when a good reader is at the top of their game - they see far more than the rattle-mouth who is busy thinking up their answer while you are talking

I don't know what she thinks - but she doesn't have an understanding of your situation right now

It's the weekend - thank goodness for that - take two days - and worry all you need to - if you are worried - you are worried -

Of course you don't like it

You're my friend by now

Decadian

Hi @Decadian and @utopia @Faith-and-Hope

I came back from my GP. he wanted to check on my blood pressure. Still high 166/102 and a throbbing headache. He has decided to add another medication to help bring it down. He is working this weekend and said for me to ring him anytime if it goes higher. i am a bit scared and worried about heart attacks or stroke - this is not helping my headache or blood pressure.

@utopia I do know what you mean about work - they don't care; if i was to leave they would just employ someone else; when i go into hospital they will still carry on. so in a way i am being used with very little pay.

i am a very hard worker, i take pride in my work and when things don't get done i get angry because they're not done.

i just feel so tired, in a way i wish my GP had of put me into hospital tonight to reduce my blood pressure. but if it's still high during the weekend i will either ring my GP or go to hospital.

Thank you @utopia

Yeah this is what you get for being a hard worker, an enthusiastic conscientious worker - STRESS!!!

Lets hope your BP comes down too. Have a good night. Will talk to you tomorrow.

Thanks for your support

Hi @BlueBay

I was flat out busy yesterday then was busy with an on-line issue last night - it's strange how life can change from sitting or working alone at home to busy in every direction

I am glad you have joined the forum @utopia - it's great to have you here

And @BlueBay - I am glad you are keeping in touch with your GP - maybe he can get you into a local hospital until you get into the hospital where you have to wait for such a long time -

This doesn't seem right to me

I have been to the Melbourne Clinic - over 30 years ago - I wonder what it is like now? Back then the therapy was good but the food was terrible - but I was put in there for a rest for a few days and sedated and sent back to my problems at home - with my son - and I sometimes was asked by the other people there what I was there for - just a few days break - and it worked

I wish both of you the best

Decadian

Hi @Decadian @utopia @Faith-and-Hope

Just come home from a session with my therapist. Talked about art therapy and he said he would like to see me still go. He said it's about working through my issues through art that will help me. Even though I find it extremely confronting and hard I will go back, but maybe not this Tuesday.

I am going to have an easy day today, do a bit of housework. Hubby has gone to visit his mum in nursing home and kids are at work. So it's me alone at home with Jersey (dog).

I told my therapist today about my co-worker/friend who told me yesterday that i am always negative. He said it's hard to hear the truth!!!

My therapist suggested that next saturday is going to be a 'positive saturday session'. no negative comments at all. That will be a hard session and an interesting one.

I got a bit angry and told him - well i don't care anymore about anyone. I said that i find it difficult to control my emotions and behaviour because of BPD and that i don't like it at times either. But that shouldn't give my friend the right to tell me in my face.

I keep thinking about what she said and it's making me really angry, fragile, vulnerable and hate.

But i am the type that can't say anything for fear of confrontation. so scared of that.

Blood pressure still high side, took my new med this morning but feeling a bit light headed.

I just wish everything would be back to normal if there is such a thing as 'normal'. i just don't want to have to go through anymore crap again. I feel like it's 2 steps and 3 steps back. and i don't know if i can do this anymore.

Should go and clean the house. at least that will stop me from doing something stupid and from crying; because that's all i do lately is cry. my whole life is a cry; everyonen knows me as 'the sensitive one' the one who cries all the time.

well i can't help it.