having a bad morning

i really know what you are talking about @BlueBay - and I wish the same - I want my bad memories to go away - and I know they won't

My Father died in 2011 - I wish I could tell him that 2011 is a prime number and he was a mathematician and would have loved to know that. We were on good terms but I could only see him when my mother was there and I had to stop going to the place because of her cutting and cruel remarks.However as it turned out Dad was failing and had to go to hospital and in those few weeks I did see him alone a few times and we had that wonderful conversation everyone should get with those they love a lot - and he was gone

I had been afraid that this would not happen - but it did

I reallty do understand how it is with your mother - I refused to visit my mother after that - I did not like being snarled at and to this day I feel no regrets or guilt that I did not visit. However I wrote to her often - abd sent many cards - and always said I wanted to see her and if she wanted to see me to let someone know - and left my phone numbers - but there was no response

So I do get it - she has gone now - and whatever happened to her mind or in her mind was nothing at all to do with me - however - I have a terrible sorrow that will not diminish - and this is something I cannot change and would not if I could. Your mother is chosing the way she behaves toward you - and keeps you from your father - and this is a horriblty heart-breaking situation - one I know well because I have been there

And people - eg my psychologist - tell me I need to get past this - but no one is telling me how. It blocks my thinking - and although I understand your need for revenge - and I really do understand.this - I don't have those feeling myself. Maybe one reason is that I see my mother worked her way toward her own suffering - she could not see how successful my life has been - maybe she didn't want to - but she had to suffer the consequence and she did.

But - I don't know how to turn my own sorrow off - so I can't tell you how to do that. And I can understand that people - your psyche - really don't know either - and maybe he lost patience - or maybe what you said hit a nerve - who knows

How I wish there was some way I could take this from you. Your mother will die in time - and I had this thought that my mother would never know how I was - and for years I wrote my feelings in cards I never sent - and after she died I threw them away.

I would like to tell you how to stop letting your mother hurt you like this - she has no right - and you can't change her. But I would never say anthing trite to you -

But with your Dad - crash every fence - every gate - every wall - walk over your mother - and see your Dad. I was lucky - my mother was too good at driving me away - but he was in a different place when he got really frail -

Some of your anger is that you can't see your Dad - if you could see him - or just speak to him - I really think you would have less anger

That's enough for now - but I really do get it Sadgirl - I have been there

Decadian

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I kept busy with work all day. So much to do. Now I am home and just cooked bol sauce.

Thank you for being here for me, i really appreciate it. xxx

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you for the hugs. xxx

@Decadian

Oh I wish I could meet you in person. I think we have so much in common. you understand what i am trying to say and yes it hurts. it hurts so much.

I kept myself busy all day at work and now i am home cooking tea.

I never realised how horrible my mum is; my own mum, how and why???

Yeah i think you're right the anger is coming out is that i can't see my dad and it's all because of my mum.

she is so damn manipulative.

@Decadian how do i turn my sorrow off? i really have no idea.

thank you so much for your support @Decadian

it means a lot to me. xxx

Hello @BlueBay sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've had a big day again here too. Sending you my best wishes. How are you going?

I don't know @BlueBay I don't know

But people have different ways of telling me that I have to let this go - and I don't know how and no one has told me

So I have to be original - I have taken all I can remember from what my father and grandparents and uncles have told me about my mother - and sifted it through and through my mind - and I know this much

My mother was a very damaged person - even as a small child - and she carried this through her long life and it corroded her in many ways - and I would have helped her if she could - but she never saw me as I was - and she has died without knowing that I have forgiven her - and feel a terrible anguish about her

And as time has passed I am gradually seeing that she could not help herself - and if a person will not help themselves - it's pretty hard for anyone to do anything for them unless they are manipulated into doing so - and no one wins in that game

So - if you have sensitive relatives - go and speak to them - set up a meeting and ask the questions - what happened to your mother when she was young? What do you remember? Can you put the pieces together - because there can be no revenge here - this is something you do for yourself to heal - and that healing will drive the revenge away when you know the truth

This is a very hard thing to do - no one gets their easily - it's really hard work

Think about it - write what you need to and delete it -

This is what I have been doing for years - and I think it's working for mostly I feel sorrow for my mother

Decadian

How are you @eth? Are you feeling better?

I'm okay, had a rough start to the day this morning with tears and anger but i got through the day. i was very busy at work, now home getting tea ready.

I hope you are feeling better.

@BlueBay I'm a bit better physically but have had a really challenging day mentally/emotionally. Thanks for asking.

I hope you are feeling better too

I'm having a bad afternoon:

I was supposed to go to my DBT therapist this afternoon but she called me to say that she isn't working at the place where I was going anymore. She said she feels that she is leaving me 'high and dry'. There was no other option except that we meet at a cafe which she suggested but I said no. having a therapy session in a cafe is not private and the way i feel so emotionally i am not going into a cafe.

So i said to her that i will go and do the outpatient program on a tuesday and will still see my regular therapist who i have seen for the past 5 yrs.

But - after hanging up i was upset. Because after almost 18 months of seeing her i felt really comfortable and i will miss talkng to her.

i know i will still have my other therapist but it will not be the same.

Then we have this lady at work who does no work at all. if she can get away with doing nothing she will. i have delegated jobs for her when i am not there and she doesn't do it. after much complaining to my supervisor and pharmacist there came a decision to get rid of her. but she decided to leave and gave notice last week. since her resignation she has been doing personal stuff on the internet at work, reading her personal emails at work, working out her rental interstate for when she moves etc etrc etc.

yesterday at work i asked her to put all the rubbish in the bin outside and she replied oh i will do it later. well i had a staff meeting this morning with the supervisor and had to go in on my day off. guess what? the rubbish is still there. so i highlighted on the daily jobs list for her to get rid of the rubbish.

a fellow colleague has just called me to say she is ready to walk out as this person hasn't got rid of the rubbish. she was asked 4 times during the day and the rubbish is still there.

i know that tomorrow when i go back in that the rubbish will still be there and guess who will have to do it - me. because that lady isn't at work for the rest of the week and saturday is her last shift.

she doesn't care because she is leaving on saturday. but it really frustrates me so much that now i am so angry because i know what it will be like tomorrow. and i don't have time to fix all her shit tomorrow before i start my work.

oh gosh, i need a very strong drink - think i better go tyhe beer garden.

emotional and angry this afternoon - can't types this fast enough because of my anger.

see this is why now i just want to eat whatever i can get my hands on. grab anything, chips, biscuits i can't stop - i need to calm down. my crazy eating is not good

why do people make life so difficult for others.

Hi @BlueBay

I'm sorry to hear about your tough afternoon! That is a real shame that your DBT therapist will no longer be working at the place where you have been going, especially since you felt very comfortable with her. It is understandable that you feel upset and will miss talking to her! I'm glad to hear that you plan to continue getting treatment via the outpatient program with your regular therapist, good on you.

Your colleague sounds extremely frustrating! It's not good when annoyances like that compound an already hard day. Although the rest of the week will be annoying, I imagine it will be a relief once she is gone?

I'm glad you've jumped online to get some support while you're feeling emotional and angry. Heading to the "beer garden" is a great idea. Are there any other strategies you sometimes find useful to calm down a bit?

Take care,

Shimmer