I understand @BlueBay
My sister and daughter have no concept of an undefended little child protecting a little sibling during physical abuse and the emotional abuse a mother continued into her old-age - why should they understand? - it never happened to them
And people hate to have the boat rocked - and that's how abuse can last - and as for letting go - I know what you mean - how do we stop those memories that can haunt our nights - live in our dreams - wake us in the mornings feeling like the sky has fallen?
It is really horrible - I would believe anything my daughter told me - unequivally - and I would defend her
But her parents love her - both of us - and while our badly wired son and our sad and broken marriage must have had an effect on her she never talks about it - and I know she remembers the anniversaries - but never says anything. The death of her brother must have hurt her badly - but in 30 years has only mentioned it a handful of times and asked me not to.
So many of us live our lives on a different plane - I wonder about it at times - and I think we have to experience what has happened to us to really know that things like this happen - and how do we let go?
I wish I knew - I regret my son's life and death but I do not want to forget. I regret the breakdown of my marriage but I know it was never meant to be - it was sad more than anything else - and I don't want to forget what I learned
But my mother - that is different - how do we let go? Maybe this is a whole other subject. It has hurt so long we don't know life any other way. It has hurt so long we don't know what it will be like when we do let go.
To paraphase Shakespeare on Julius Caesar
Friends, Romans, countrymen - lend me your ears
I come to bury Caesar - not to praise him
The good that men do dies with them
The evil remains forever.
Honestly - I don't believe that is entirely true - but it does feel that way when it comes to our memories
I wish things were easier for you - my mother died last year too and I remember things I knew were buried and I really did not want to know them myself - but they came out anyway.
But I have the benefit of a longer life - and the wisdom that comes with it - and this is painful and takes a long time
Bless you
Decadian
