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Dealing with denial

CameliaContributor08 Sept 2014, 5:42 pm AEST

Dealing with denial

My 24 yr old son was hospitalised in the Mental Health Unit for 3 weeks after I had him committed by the court. He was psychotic and paranoid. He was living away from home and had been taking meth-amphetamines and I knew I had to do something as no-one else was helping him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but am not regretting it at all. He has been diagnosed with temporary schizophrenia (well we hope it will be temporary).

He has been home with us for over a month and is on depot medication once a month and that is working well. He is calm and pleasant with some side effects of sedation and the psychosis and paranoia seem to have gone.

My problem is that both my son and husband do not comprehend that my son is unwell. This means that my son has taken up regular cannibis use again, and my husband is angry with him for not getting a job and being independent. The same old patterns of their relationship are rearing their ugly heads and I feel that I'm stuck in the middle trying to mediate between them.

So much so that I reached the point of saying to my husband that if he can't accept his son is undergoing treatment and needs a calm and positive environment, then I'd have to go and find somewhere I can provide that for him.

I have given my husband information about schizophrenia - whether or not he has read it I can't be sure.

My son, believing that he is fine and just wants to get off the meds, refuses to even consider attending any form of counselling or psychology support to help him learn coping skills. He has suffered depression in the past, hasn't had a job for at least 3 years and those that he did have lasted only for a matter of weeks. He has a case worker under his ITO (involuntary treatment order) but they are mainly concerned about the medication and the psychosis - which has abated. Right now he is in a good place, but his marijuana use means that he is doubly sedated - his meds and the dope!

I understand why my husband is so angry - that we are trying to help our son yet he won't help himself by staying clean. My son thinks that we are out of touch with reality and that everyone smokes weed. I just don't know whether I am kidding myself that my son can be helped, or that once a drug addict always a drug addict. But as a mother I feel this is the best chance we may get to help put him on the right track.

I started seeing a psychologist but frankly I don't feel that I am getting many answers. I know there is no particular answer, but I would like to know if anyone else has had a similar experience and found a way to break through the denial at any level.

My greatest fear is that my husband will want to throw him out - again - and that will eventuate in my son return to worse drugs.

66 replies

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In response to: Dealing with denial

PeppiPattySenior Contributor30 Oct 2014, 12:38 am AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

Okay, I'm going to have to read the whole article to get a 'sense,' Its 9.30pm, way past my bedtime and I must do something else but it says....
am I right.....

when someone talks of a victim story, someone else tries to make a bigger one.
when a victim story is getting relayed, you're probably best checking out the story and if a group of people say it, it's best making sure all the right details are right.

also, it's easy to trivialise someone's suffering??

Okay, good good article.
can I ask, why do you like this?? Only because I personally like it.

It usually takes me a week or so to get back when I write in my long long. Writings....Ille read you up on past writings..but I will with you

Reminds me I was in 17 years of therapy.." I felt like I was in victim mode for years and years. The issue was was that I was suffering from major head injury with brain damage .....bad stuff happening around me in the past but the issues at hand was my oldest son displaying bad behaviour and youngest son being rushed into hospital many times per year.

Was all those years a waste of time Giving Mick?? The therapists handed me all these things happening all mixed up. In that if I was given that article... Or just like dealt witheach problems range of importance and the dealt with it and laid it to rest....
0r going to parenting courses for free it may have helped me better.
Instead I lived In victim land for years. and used to see one therapist in particular and acted badly to friends and loved ones In not a good way..... I was a victim......

How embarrassing thinking about those times.

Of course things have changed in therapy land..... I hope I hope ".......not that I saying it was a waste of time but isn't it good that there are different ways to feel heard.

I like the way that some people do Group therapy now. I think I saw zipper writing saying he was.starting a facebook page
I keep on being reminded at that saying....Know yourself.

Do you think that saying....know yourself. has an impact on someone being'the victim?

Interesting article though
Thanks

In response to: Dealing with denial

GivingMickSenior Contributor30 Oct 2014, 5:08 pm AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

Yes. You're interpretation of how that reads is correct. Parenting courses do help, to gain an understanding. To think the right way.
I put the above link up, to convey that some mental illness sufferers feel like a victim of themselves.

In response to: Dealing with denial

GivingMickSenior Contributor30 Oct 2014, 5:11 pm AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

No. Those years have brought you here today. All that time was required to heal, and your heart was in the right place!

In response to: Re: Dealing with denial

PeppiPattySenior Contributor30 Oct 2014, 5:42 pm AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

Thanks so much. For MI, persons like us, it's a bit like catch22 isn't it?
I was talking to an extremely overweight lady who lives in my complex and we were both being proud in speaking that we are both consumers.

she though able to share, laugh, enjoy company can't leave her home and her point of conversation is what medication she is on and when she visited the Doctor last.

the catch 22 is that, she ......a victims.........I am sure that I could speak about her at the beginning of the message but not sure now
but she dwells on medication
Her latest visit to the Psychiatrist

she lives a narrow life and with no help to mKe it ...her life wider. G

In response to: Dealing with denial

GivingMickSenior Contributor30 Oct 2014, 6:02 pm AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

We can only help, do what we can. People have to on their own, and in their own time, learn to help themselves.
I have had similar discussions with people in my life about consumerism, that it is required to keep the economy going. The problem is how they understand what is said. They have taken me literally, and think that they must spend all their money when they get it. It irritates me, that after they have spent, they then put their hands out for a helping hand. Asking for some of my money. They also don't know how to save for the future!
To help that woman with her weight, I would suggest taking her healthy foods to try, to tempt her taste buds in eating better for her health.

In response to: Re: Dealing with denial

PeppiPattySenior Contributor02 Nov 2014, 1:56 am AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

Hi Giving Mick,
How are you ?
Iv been thinking about your message last couple of days.......
Why do I not address her weight and talk about salads etc ?
then.....why am I just getting through financially? At least I don't have a credit card !
I think can address the weight thing. As far as Iv worked out women who Iv met tie a lot of their own issues with their weight. This particular woman has a lot of help and I would not help her talking to her about her weight I would just make her defensive.

money problems. Another emotional tie for some people hey. It's just is as some people are. I think the best thing to do is just take care of yourself

In response to: Dealing with denial

GivingMickSenior Contributor02 Nov 2014, 4:47 pm AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

Hi JA47. That would be the expected response when people are having trouble! Defensive positions, walls, communication barriers. The sufferer knows their position too well. Their comfort zones are what holds themselves back. That's why I suggested different food samples, something new, to help her move from her safety net.
I am taking care of myself, and my families needs the best I can. Thanks for the understanding. 🙂

In response to: Re: Dealing with denial

CameliaContributor26 Nov 2014, 7:43 pm AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

Hi Everyone. It's been a while since I looked in, and I'm sorry for not keeping up with all the discussion. But now I have to admit that I was in denial myself. I was believing that my son was improving. His meds were dropped to half and he seemed well. But lately he started looking pastey and ill again. Going out till small hours, sleeping all day. And now I've just had confirmation from a phone call that he is using meth amphetamines again and dealing. Am sitting here waiting for a call from his caseworkers to find out what options there may be. I don't want to see him jailed (he's on a suspended sentence), I don't want my husband to throw him out - he'll just use more. I suppose the only other choice is for him to be taken back into the hospital under the Involuntary Treatment Order. I just don't understand why he is taking such risks.

In response to: Re: Dealing with denial

PeppiPattySenior Contributor26 Nov 2014, 7:59 pm AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

Dear Camilia,
.
It's very cool to see you here.

In response to: Re: Dealing with denial

AdlinContributor27 Nov 2014, 9:51 am AEDT

Re: Dealing with denial

Hi Camelia. Noticed your post yesterday. I am sorry that the situation has taken a step backwards. I think a lot of drug users also supply to others. As confronting as this for parents of drug users it often goes as part of the territory. I think denial is may be the wrong view point and you should give yourself credit for seeing hope. Unfortunately what you are dealing with is complex and progress may be frustratingly slow. It will also go forward and backwards. I hope things start to improve again. Regards Adlin

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