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Dealing with denial

Dealing with denial

My 24 yr old son was hospitalised in the Mental Health Unit for 3 weeks after I had him committed by the court. He was psychotic and paranoid. He was living away from home and had been taking meth-amphetamines and I knew I had to do something as no-one else was helping him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but am not regretting it at all. He has been diagnosed with temporary schizophrenia (well we hope it will be temporary).

He has been home with us for over a month and is on depot medication once a month and that is working well. He is calm and pleasant with some side effects of sedation and the psychosis and paranoia seem to have gone.

My problem is that both my son and husband do not comprehend that my son is unwell. This means that my son has taken up regular cannibis use again, and my husband is angry with him for not getting a job and being independent. The same old patterns of their relationship are rearing their ugly heads and I feel that I'm stuck in the middle trying to mediate between them.

So much so that I reached the point of saying to my husband that if he can't accept his son is undergoing treatment and needs a calm and positive environment, then I'd have to go and find somewhere I can provide that for him.

I have given my husband information about schizophrenia - whether or not he has read it I can't be sure.

My son, believing that he is fine and just wants to get off the meds, refuses to even consider attending any form of counselling or psychology support to help him learn coping skills. He has suffered depression in the past, hasn't had a job for at least 3 years and those that he did have lasted only for a matter of weeks. He has a case worker under his ITO (involuntary treatment order) but they are mainly concerned about the medication and the psychosis - which has abated. Right now he is in a good place, but his marijuana use means that he is doubly sedated - his meds and the dope!

I understand why my husband is so angry - that we are trying to help our son yet he won't help himself by staying clean. My son thinks that we are out of touch with reality and that everyone smokes weed. I just don't know whether I am kidding myself that my son can be helped, or that once a drug addict always a drug addict. But as a mother I feel this is the best chance we may get to help put him on the right track.

I started seeing a psychologist but frankly I don't feel that I am getting many answers. I know there is no particular answer, but I would like to know if anyone else has had a similar experience and found a way to break through the denial at any level.

My greatest fear is that my husband will want to throw him out - again - and that will eventuate in my son return to worse drugs.

66 replies

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In response to: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

Hi Giving nick,
how are you?

In response to: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

I am well, thanks 🙂
Knowing what, when, and how to say it, is a fine art when dealing with someone suffering a MI. To not exacerbate the problems. Remaining patient, and only referring to current dilemmas, as much as possible.
It is hard not to be disgruntled when the person affected uses the boundary phrases back at you, and uses them as barriers. I've said what I think, end discussion. As an example!

In response to: Re: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

Yes. I think I know what your dealing with.
I'm going through the same thing.


How did you get that cute little smiley???

In response to: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

I go on the forum, using my iPhone. It's an emoti icon app.
🙈🙉🙊

In response to: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

I am now down in the dumps, after being dumped the week before Christmas! She doesn't want to talk to me. Or even have me involved with our family on Christmas day. She's over us, now I did my part. I'm finding it hard to smile. I feel lacking energy to go on. To not go backwards into depression. 😥

In response to: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

So sorry to hear this. However, perhaps you could explore whether this is being fair to the children involved? Would she consider letting you visit them ob Christmas Eve or catching up with the kids before or after the activity she has planned?
I kind of understand that perhaps your ex is finding it really stressful and it is easier to not spend time with you.
This may not make sense but perhaps this is her way of staying well for Christmas? It is really hard on you but I am hoping perhaps you will be able to negotiate some time with the children.

Holding hope @givingmick, virtual hugs..

In response to: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

Hi Allesandra, thanks for helping me understand. You are right on the money, about Christmas evening. I just think that she could have been nicer about us. I have taken her out for meals and games of pool. Helped my step-daughter with her access, and went to pick up laybys too. It seemed all was fine. But as soon as the holidays started I was out of the scenario. We even had a small argument about me helping our daughter. I was dumbfounded by her jealousy!

In response to: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

Thank goodness only a small argument @givingmick..hoping you keep contact with your family even if its not face to face on the day..

In response to: Re: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

Hi @GivingMick,

You may have probably already thought about this, but could part of her behaviour (jealousy, agitation) be symptomatic of her illness? Has she been like this before? From what you wrote to Maddison in the post It seems like this has been building up. I wonder if Xmas and your relationship changes, has been stressor for her. Not that I am justifying her behaviour, but more trying to understand it.

In response to: Dealing with denial

Re: Dealing with denial

Hi Camelia - I am a new member and have just read through your discussion in 2014 - feel like I am living a very similar situation to yourself and at this point after many years of trying to support my son and get him much needed help he has now moved out of home and I do not know where he is and am feeling helpless and so scared for him - I just wondered how your journey is going with your son - I truly hope you have him back on a safe path..stay strong and positive..Beth

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