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Need time to myself

BlueBaySenior Contributor12 Mar 2016, 11:51 am AEDT

Need time to myself

Hi everyone

I've been suffering mental illness for a while (years) and have been doing everything for everyone over the past 30 years of my married life. If it wasn't for the kids (which I don't mind doing) it is for my husband or for his mum or for my parents (when they were talking to me). It was me for everyone else except myself.

So now I feel that I want and need to have time to myself. And not just an hour here and there. I would love to go away for a night or weekend just on my own. Wake up when i want, eat when and what I want and just do things that i want to do without worrying about anyone else.

But the problem is - how? How do I go away or even bring up the idea to my husband. He will think something is wrong, he will think I want to leave our marriage. We have always done everything together and that is probably my fault. Because I think that growing up I always wanted someone with me.

I would love to just hop on a plane and go someone on my own, just some time to myself to be me.

The only time this has ever happened was when i was admitted to a mental health facility and I was there for 2 weeks. It was heaven. I could do what I wanted (more or less), joined in groups, acitivies. I was allowed to go for walks on my own; I was able to stay in my own room during the day if I wanted to; I was able to just sit with a coffee at the cafe at the hospital. I was able to just be me.

That is why I so much want to go back in there. I can regroup myself, refocus on life, things that are important. I can just be on my own.

I'm not saying I want to leave my husband or children, that I don't think I want. I just want to be free a little for some of the time.

But I don't know how to get this across to my husband. Now I am feeling anxious and teary because I feel that I am to blame; that I should be home with him and the kids.

I just wish soimetimes I could just run away and be on my own.

Any advice would be great.

88 replies

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In response to: Need time to myself

Drac0Senior Contributor15 Mar 2016, 1:09 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

Hope the asthma thing isn't too bad @BlueBay. I know that won't keep you there but maybe enjoy the little rest it will give you.

I think the idea of that post will come out soon, but maybe not in the words I have tucked away. We'll see.

Take care, relax a little.

In response to: Need time to myself

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Mar 2016, 6:45 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

Hey Drac0
I've been admitted to a private hospital. On a drip with antibiotic to bring down my very high temp. I'm here for a few days so I will rest up. At least I'm by myself - but not how I had planned.

In response to: Re: Need time to myself

Drac0Senior Contributor15 Mar 2016, 7:03 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

Well that certainly wasn't what anyone was expecting @BlueBay. Now here's the dilemma - I want you to get well but also to get some rest & relaxation. So do I say get well quick or stay there longer. 🙂

Just take care of yourself is probably the best thing.

In response to: Need time to myself

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Mar 2016, 8:18 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

I know it wasn't what I was expecting. Thanks for your well wishes. I'm feeling crap and depressed. I am glad I'm in hospital it's actually same hospital that has the mental health unit upstairs where I stayed last year.
I need to get my strength back and I don't know how I'm going to get my depression down. Just want to cry

In response to: Re: Need time to myself

Drac0Senior Contributor15 Mar 2016, 8:46 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

Maybe you can have a chat with someone from MH while you're there?

xx

In response to: Need time to myself

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Mar 2016, 11:54 am AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

I broke down this morning. The nurse was great and said she would call the MHU in the hospital. She asked for one of the nurses to come and have a chat.
The nurse came and we spoke for a bit and she told me that they are full for at least 2 weeks. I am so fidgety in hospital can't relax or stay still. ☹

In response to: Re: Need time to myself

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 Mar 2016, 2:00 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

I hope you get the physical help and emotional support you need. @BlueBay

No we did not expect you would be on a drip in hospital, but it explains your experience of not being able to move though you thought you should go for a walk.

There is a little generalised pressure with the idea that exercise solves everything. its great. I do it lots, but ... not when you are sick.

The things you wrote about still are important, but on the back burner til your fever and asthma settles.

Take care. I dont know about your relationship with your husband, but I do know the motherhood role is over pressured. Maybe take some time to think about the things you like doing and make lists. Little things you can afford or save up for, or budget time for.

If the family wont do them with you, try doing some alone. At first it may feel odd. I sometimes have a cappuccino alone, at first it felt odd, and I watched everyone with their friends chatting, but in the end I remembered I made capuccinos for plenty of solo drinkers, so now am more at peace doing that simple thing occasionally for myself with a book ... and Yes even at Maccas with a newspaper.

We do have to listen to our bodies too. Not just work them. Take care @BlueBay Let us know how you are doing when you can manage it.

In response to: Re: Need time to myself

Drac0Senior Contributor16 Mar 2016, 2:25 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

Guess it's not the rest you were hoping for. 😞

At least you're getting to talk to someone. Take care & get better.

In response to: Need time to myself

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Mar 2016, 5:27 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

Hi @Appleblosom and @Drac0
Today is not a good day. I just realised before that it is my nieces birthday but unfortunately she took her life.
I've been crying today thinking of her and how young she was when it happened. Didn't hit me until I saw today's date
I know all the other stuff is still important but it will have to wait until I get better.
At least I was allowed to the cafe for a coffee. That was nice.

In response to: Re: Need time to myself

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 Mar 2016, 5:52 pm AEDT

Re: Need time to myself

Glad you got a coffee @BlueBay

Anniversaries of that kind are the hardest. Go gently with your memories and grief and your health.

There's plenty of time for plans ...

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