Need time to myself

Hey @Drac0

My kids all pitch in. The boys will cook a meal during the week. And my daughter will hang the clothes outside if needed if she is home and not working. Sometimes during the week if I leave early for work I will leave a note for whoever is home to either hang the washing out or do the dishwasher. And hubby does do some cooking during the week as well. Oh I don't know maybe I shouldn't be complaing and carrying on about having time to myself.

I can just see it - if I was to sit down while kids do washing up - I wouldn't hear the end of it. So it's just easier if I just do it or help out. I know I am causing my own problem aren't I?

But I think you're right @Drac0 in that I need to do this in little steps. I need to go out on my own and do more things on my own. And then after a while I could go away for a day or weekend.

I think I am too hard on myself; I never give praise to myself for doing anything. And I always wish I could do things that others can do; ie. friends that can go out on their own or go away on their own. I look at them and they are all so confident and have strong self esteem, Me - mine is zero. 😞

Hey @Drac0

Now I'm interested in the other long reply you have. I won't be offended, I'm curious. 🙂

A little priase to myself - yeah well that's a hard one. I don't like myself, i have no self esteem at all. How do you get that anyway.

Hope you have a good night.

Chat soon.

I noticed that you were concerned that your husband might think you were going to leave if you had time out. If that happens that is his fear and if you communicate and take little bits of time maybe you can work through it together and he can get used to his own company a bit.

Your kids might not find it strange if you start claiming little things for yourself, beacuse there are plenty of ideas out there about needs for women and especially mothers.

You have come through a pressured period of heavy parenting and it makes sense that you want to claim things for your self. It also makes sense that you havent had time to articulate what your wants actually are as you have been so occupied caring for others.

At first I didnt know what movies I liked, to be able to even choose to go to a movie and then all the choice would upset me and I wouldnt go ... I might still only a see a movie for me every few years .. but I am committed to finding little things that I want. I am getting clearer about choosing the books I want to read. I used to be so scared to have an opinion as there were so many big voices around me but am getting better at that.

Money does come into it .. but there could be some way of having some money for you to do things. Hmmm... still it took things to become medical emergencies for me to be able to justify the cost of things like gym membership or a yoga class. It shouldnt be like that ... but unfortunately it still seems to be the lot for many women ...

You have put in a lot of a hard hards and YOU DESERVE some good times ... together and alone.

Good Luck @BlueBay

Hi @Appleblossom

This is so hard. you know sometimes I don't even know what I want in my married life. This is so painful to write but I need to get it out. I don't even know if I still love my husband or even if I am still 'in love' with him.

I am crying as I am typing this because I don't really know what I want. To be married for such a long time and I'm not saying that my husband is a terrible guy because he's not. He is caring, supportive at times, does a lot around the house; it's just me. I am the one with the problem.

I struggle to communicate with him. I feel our marriage has been strained for a while because of my mental illness and also having his mum live with us, but now she is in a nursing home.

All I ever wanted to do was - to get married and have children. I so much wanted to be a mum. And after 5 years of failed pregnancies I finally became pregnant. My dream come true. So I raised my kids as best I could. You know the years go by, you go on by doing the daily stuff, work, etc. and before you know the kids are now adults and it's just the two of us (although our kids still live at home).

I met the first guy and got married. I was never allowed to go out and meet guys or go out to clubs. No way. So when I met my husband through my sister and her boyfriend we got married within a year. I was only 20 years old.

So sometimes I think - I am so scared of being 'alone' yet I crave to be 'alone'. It doesn't make any sense at all.

Think I'm a bit off track here, but I needed to write this down.

Home alone today and I wish I could just get up and go and do something - but - I can't. What is wrong with me? I feel so useless.

Hi @BlueBay,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, it is very difficult not to be emotional especially when we have moments in our lives when we're not really sure what we want. Nevertheless, I want to thank you for being honest - Sometimes writing things down can be a great release.

You mentioned that you wish you could just get up and do something, take your time today - There is nothing wrong with you

The suggestions from other users are fantastic! Keep them coming

I feel so stuck @pinkteacup

I am home alone and i so want to go for a walk but I can't. I feel stuck at home. I am confused, I feel my home right now is my safe haven where I can curl up and cry. But I know that I should go for a walk, if only I could get uup and go.

I am upset because I just can't get up and go. This is so stupid.

Sorry I've taken so long to respond @BlueBay. I've actually had this page open for hours, thinking. Just so unsure of what to say & what not to say. You believe that? Me at a loss for words.....

So instead of words tonight:

Take care.