Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Fairy

thankyou for your honest post..........

i have been depressed before and am battling it again. the anxiety i am feeling has driven me back to meds.

my daughter finally fessed up to domestic violence. i handled it fairly wellish. well i slapped him, hard.

she now hates me. i mistrust her honesty..........i was violent to him and called the police.

damned if you do and damned if you dont it seems.

it is now affecting my relationships and need help. medication to stop the anxiety............terribly afraid of depression again

i have recently posted some very depressed posts on facebook......all deleeted now. some friends told me to, i have never done so before.

"loosing" scarlett , my daughter reminded me of the death of my daughter Angelina.......who died in my arms......8 hours in hell.

i am sick and tierd of death and loosing people.

i must fix myself or i will loose relationships too.........it is affecting everything at the moment..

i am moody and flat , at the same time.....

i cry too much.

love x

Dear hardtimes,

I'm sorry you are suffering so much at the moment, your grief is understandably quite palpable and raw. Thanks for your honesty and courage in sharing what you are going through. I find it always heightens the intensity of my pain when I see my MI impacting on those I love, especially my kids - I really feel for you.

It is a very frightening thing feeling that tsunami of depression building, feeling it will come upon you and knock you down like a tidal wave. I used to run when I felt this, but it never worked. A few years ago I tried a different approach - turning and facing it. Asking why? It didn't stop the depression (I still suffer, but much shorter and less intense bouts) but it did make a big difference to how I experiencced it. It lost some of its power to terrify me, and I was somehow more prepared and able to face it. It was (and is) really important for me to have regular psycological support to help me work through what's going on. This has become my preventative medicine.

Here are two poems I've written from my own experience, which I hope might help somewhat/how.

Skeletons

Used to be for a long time
I would run and hide in terror
Whenever the skeletons
In my closet began to rattle

Then I began
Facing up to my fears
I learned to wrench open the door
I’d grab them each in turn
By the scruff of the neck
And stare them down
Demanding to know
“Who’s giving me grief?”

Now I’m exploring a new way
I gently open the door
And simply ask them
“Who’s in pain?”

Kristin © April 2013

Upside-down world

Earth is up
Sky is down
Solid ground
Nowhere to be found—
I grieve for my beloved
This world forever changed

Though endless moments
Trickle into months
And then years
Never will this Love,
By time or life,
Be erased

Though I ache…
To hear your voice,
See your smile,
Feel your embrace,
E’er you are with me
Etched within my heart

Kristin © May 2014

Take care.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Hello FariyFox.

I looked up your post, because you 'liked' one of mine.

And, after reading them all: I like you. I think you are The Sweetest Thing.

Yours appropriately,

John

FairyFox, Hi, I have read your story and like all of them they are so, sad. Unfortunately when you are mentally sick friends are a thing of the past because they either don't understant or wont and you end up with only yourself and your shadow. I suffer like you not only with depression but P.T.S.D. which, for me, made me lose the feeling of love and hate, I no longer know how it feels. I have been this way since 1993. I am 67 yo and have lived alone for that time. I have tried everything to break the cycle but so far I have been unable to.

At least now I have joined the ABC open site and now on the Sane forums. It is amazing just how many people , out there, are suffering. I know that knowledge does not help your situation but at least you can discuss, with other, in the same predicament. If ever you wish to talk I am always about, I may or may not be heloful but a good sounding board is good for all of us.

I may well be repeating myself here...posting this link all over the place, but it's too good to miss. I think.

"Now that I've been promoted from a Contributor to a Senior Contributor - How or why I don't know or care.

And now that I've sort of sussed out how to negotiate these forums a little more.

I'm posting this:"

http://mindvalleyacademy.com/featured/celebrating-life-manifesto-infographic

Ps. Loopy: You've lost the feelings of love and hate? Your offers of support for others is a 'loving' thing.

Maybe you are on your way back?

You don't have to "love" to help others it is a human trait. But thank you for your encouragement.

---

@JubileeJohnson wrote:

I may well be repeating myself here...posting this link all over the place, but it's too good to miss. I think.

"Now that I've been promoted from a Contributor to a Senior Contributor - How or why I don't know or care.

And now that I've sort of sussed out how to negotiate these forums a little more.

I'm posting this:"

http://mindvalleyacademy.com/featured/celebrating-life-manifesto-infographic

Ps. Loopy: You've lost the feelings of love and hate? Your offers of support for others is a 'loving' thing.

Maybe you are on your way back?

---

Words are slippery things Loopy.

And a word like "love," one of the most.

I believe that it's our actions that define us as humans.

I will continue to believe that you are acting in a loving way by posting positive messages.

I will not disagree that what you think is what you believe.

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world:"

Buddha