Annoyed with myself.

Dear @Chris

I'm so sorry what is happening for you.

Your a reall kind person for going to see your sister.

And strong. To go and spend time with your sister.

Im thinking about you during this time.

Great for getting information about your sister as well.

Im also tired, family stuff is tiring isnt it

PP

It feels never ending at the moment. So many major things hapening all at the same time. Nothing i can do about any of them. They will all run there own course, i just have to weather the storm.

Im sitting in the loungeroom ......

Thinking about the email that @Former-Member sent you. Can I send a bit of it to you ?

What an interesting dream. It sounds like you’re asking quite a bit of yourself at the moment. As you mention, being aware of the emotion coming up is a really good thing and something you can be satisfied with achieving. Being frustrated that you didn’t respond in a particular way is ok too. Perhaps your dream is telling you that you just need to be gentle? Jumping into the torrent can be good sometimes, but at other times you might just need to sit on the bank for a while and calmly reflect on how far you’ve come.

That message means a lot of me. About 10 years ago....... at a very stressful time of my life, I drew some ships..I've shown some of them online here on Sane forums.

I love what @Former-Member writes,,,,I'm wprking out that is what I need to reflect on when I draw.......

This picture here, I sold. But as it goes, the person bought it, had a tantrum and destroyed it. ....I think he paid me most of what he said he would.

When @Former-Member wrote that message to you, I found it hard to read because Im going through my own family drama at the moment but Im forcing myself to read it.

Your a very talented drawer peppi. Yes you can send me that email. Sorry go hear your going through a difficult time yourself right now.

Im in a bit of fog right now. Not sleeping well. Not much else to say right now. Thank you for your support and everyone else that has posted on this thread. Its helping me get through this difficult time.

Sorry,

I sent you part of the email that @Former-Member sent you because I loved what she wrote.

I cannot find the words to tell you I cant imagine what your going through........

Im your friend.

My problems are nothing for what is happening for you but I meant to write

that your writing is helping me

But thinking about you and will be here for you

Dearest @Chris

From Anne

Thank you Ann. It helps me to know someone is listening. I guess i am writing as it hapens. And it is helping me to sort things in my own mind and come to terms with what is hapening with my sister in particular.

I had an email from another cousin yesterday. It seemed like she was trying to put the situation and what she has observed herself in a diplomatic and gentle way. No one wants to say the "C" word or thats she is close to dying. I guess they are having trouble comming to terms with it. Me i just want someone to be up front with me and tell it how it is. That way i know what i am dealing with. Its hard being so far away. It doesnt seem real to me. And the ones that are with her are trying to deal with and come to terms with the reality.

Well i see my psychologist and psychiatrist this afternoon maybe some reality will hit then. Who knows.ok so washing machine is on. I have a few jobs to do before i go out. Going to be hot again today i think.

Funny but my cat seems to know when i am not going well. He came and gave me big scooches yesterday while i was lying on the bed. Then curled up close to me and slept till i got up. Hasnt even said good morning to me yet today!

Dear @Chris

It certainly has been a yo yo of a time ... to England or not .. or out of state house guests or not ... and you are right a lot of it is out of your control. Adults without family responsibilities often believe in the personal choices mantra ... but for me it has been more about weathering the storms too.

I remember the "c" word being a big fearful and scary word when I was a child, but these days there is such a rise in cancer and awareness of the different types and often ways to prevent it that I am surprised about your relatives lack of maturity.

It does sound as if your cousin is in palliative care and I wish her, you, and your family the best in a peaceful passing.

You seem to be doing really good and maintaining some sense of calm, reality checking and optimism. I think you should give yourself a big back pat for that ... and it is just after christmas and your admission.

I often wonder when only one person in a family grouping is labelled as a MI sufferer whether others in the group are in denial.

I often find it useful to write it down as it happens too.. as then I can clear my mind, recall and record significant events and issues and maybe get some positive feedback.

Take care and go gently

Apple

My psychiatrist said this afternoon , that it was like i was in the eye of the storm. Said i was very calm, and i had made a good decision not to go to england . Also he said i had changed alot in the time he had known me, and the groups i had been attending in that time had really helped me.

I told him about my sister and her current treatment. He said she could pass away any time. So he confirmed my gut, which in a funny kind of way it was reassuring .

So the rest of the week, see my other sister tomorow, wednesday, group and tackle my walk out last week.

Expecting to speak directly to my cousin in england too. Thursday free (yah) might organise lunch with my daughter before tafe starts back. Friday op and resting the weekend.

It feel strange the way i feel, very calm hope its last a while.

Thanks again for everyones support through this. It means alot to me.

DEarest @Chris

There's this awesome person called Victor Frankel who writes.....just let life happen for you. It feels that is what your doing.

You bring back a feeling of getting through

thinking about you @Chris.

Have you thought of maybe asking your husband if he could purchase a beautiful rose ?? Just for you and your sister you are visiting..........

Can I ask you something....

Can you just let your cousins in England 'care,' for you. Maybe this is helping them at the moment??

You raise a good point peppi. I know my cousins are thinking of us in the way they tell us what is hapening, but i hadnt thought of it that way, if you get why i mean. So thank you for that.

Ive been out with my sister today, and we had a lovely time. We drove into town and the beach. We were able to have a lovely walk (stroll more like it) my sister had a hip replacement before christmas and she hasnt been too good. Anyway we then had a spot of lunch near the beach, then went home. She was feeling much better, and very pleased with herself for walking as far as she did.

My sister in england is about the same. I was talking to my psychiatrist about her yesterday and he said that pancreatic cancer is one of the worst, very painful, and she could pass away any time. So his imput was very useful for me. I guess he confirmed what i was already thinking.

Not much else on today. Group tomorow.