Annoyed with myself.

Yes.....on Pancreatic cancer....I have only heard about how bad it is as well.

I am thinking about you @Chris

Because you and me have been here for a while and I have seen your growth and you have probably seen my growth too.

It's really hard to let go and let people like family care for you.

Have you thought about a beautiful rose in a pot for you and your sister, your husband purchasing it?

Sometimes..........those symbols make it effective in your own self ??

I feel a bit unsure about the rose. Dont know why. Maybe somehow it will make it real. So still thinking about it

I am finding that the professionals are telling me im changing, but i dont see that growth myself. To me its very slow and certain things still seem to be the same. Those things i think are at the core of me. There not easy to change. I cant change what hapened, but i hope i can get to a point of acceptance. Acceptance that sometimes i will still feel painful motions. I think thats where dbt comes in. Radical acceptance. Self soothing. Mindfulness. Ok so that was a bit of a light bulb moment.

Group tomorow!

Yeah...I lost 27 last year.... I feel exactly the same too.

@Chris I have not known you that long, but I can feel the wisdom, calm and clarity in many of your posts.

Being the eye of a storm may be tricky so I am still feeling (praying?/caring?) for you. Good luck with all your plans. the group, and especially take care in the operation.

Peppi, am i reading you right? You lost 27 people last year? Oh my goodness. Loosing one is bad enough. However did you, are you coping with that? I feel speechless! I dont know what to say. Tell me more if you can. I want to hear.

Thanks appleblossom for the good wishes. Can't say I'm looking forward to group today, but thats ok

My guess is that @PeppiPatty was joking about the roses.

DEarest @Chris um...no not 27 people, 27 k ......I just can't write it

I dunno @Chris it's up to you but I personally like the action of getting a pot plant and planting a nice rose in it or a flower that reminds you of your sister.........

It was just a suggestion and it's me....it probably isnt your thing......

Oh pleased i miss understood that one! Well i hear what your saying about the rose. At this point i cant bring myself to do anything. I think it would make the situation more real. I dont seem to be ready for that right now. But i do appreciate your idea. Thank you for caring.

Thinking about you @Chris

Kind Regards from Anne

Hi @Chris, have only just seen this whole other partof the forums 'Something's not right' so had missed your initial post about walking out of the group and your beautiful insights that raised. I am so sorry to hear about your sister's pancreatic cancer, I lived through this with my mother-in-law a few years ago and it is a hard thing to witness happeneing to someone you love and care for, she was not in a lot of pain though and the morphia helped immensley.

You are doing an amazing job of staying centred and calm (even if at times it doesn't feel that way).

Sending you strength and solidarity.