Annoyed with myself.

I dont know why he is so determined to go. He has phoned me several times today. One to tell me he is getting his passport renewed, and two times and dates of flights for next Tuesday! I dont know how he thinks we can be ready by then. We both will need to see our gp for script and letters. Hes hard to get into at the best of times. I told him not to book anything untill we sit and talk this through. It was only this time last week that he threw a hissy fit about me asking for a thousand dollars to cover medical bills in this next week, yet he can come up with ten thousand dollars added on to our housing lone at the drop of a hat. What am i missing here? Is it more about his desire to go to england, tham me seeing my dying sister

I just went into panic mode. All i could think was i cant do this. The stress of flying and connecting flights. Getting there, seeing my sister if she is still alive. All the pain associated with england came flooding back.

I spoke go my other sister this morning, and she rightly pointed out. Its all very well to go there and see her, but what hapens when we have to say goodbye? It will be very distressing particularly for my sister. It not fair to put her through that.

I feel that if i go in these circumstances, i will end up having a complete nervous breakdown. As it hapens i see both my psychologist and psychiatrist on monday.

This is like a train reck running out of control.

I also have second thoughts about skyping her as i think it could be too distressing for her.

I am hoping to talk to my cousin again in the morning, and in the meantime lay it on the line with my husband. I dont know why i feel afraid of him,

Dear @Chris

I dont know why you feel afraid of him either.

I do know that often men are more comfortable about spending disposable dollars and hiking up debt ... on a whim.

Maybe just stall a bit and stay in touch with medicos. Didnt you just come out of a mental health unit for your own crises? isnt it wise to take things one step at a time when so many health issues are pending.

Is it a midlife crisis with your hub ... the sort of thing that has many older blokes buying motor bikes and sports cars to feel young again ...

All I can think of is stay connected to good advice and true to yourself ...

it is your sister and it is your relationship that is the question ... can you send her some interflora flowers and set up a time to talk on the phone ?

He has always been the same spend and think how to pay it back later. Im the oposite. I hate owing money to anyone, even laybys. The other extreme i know.

My daughter just phoned me an we talked about it. His heart is in the right place but he hasnt thought it through. She said she didnt know either if he will listen to me. Her concern too is for my welfare as ive only been out of mhu six weeks if that. So i am not feeling emotionally strong enough to deal with all this, and my fear is that i will have another breakdown.

Like i said i will be seeing my psychiatrist on monday also my psychologist. Its been a long break in seeing them.

Well i guess all i can do is be straight forward with him tonight, tell him i am not going to and why. Hopefully he wont be too upset with me.

Thinking of you @Chris

Well husband came home and asked me if i felt well enough to go to england. I said no and talked about some of the issues. I said i really appreciated what he was trying to do for me. He seemed a bit upset so i gave him a cuddle. And thanked him again.

So glad all that is over.

He might have been trying to be the great provider; feeling responsible and not wanting money to be the reason you didnt go to England.

A cuddle sounds good ... glad he LISTENED to your opinion.

dear @Chris

yay @Appleblossom

thank you @Appleblossom,

shes good is'nt she..........oh........I forgot.....@Appleblossom gets uncomfortable with compliments...

ille get back with something later......just a tic.....

Hi @Chris thinking of you tonight

Skyping sounds like a good idea if you can arrange it. @Chris

Hello @PeppiPatty. @Appleblossom, @Former-Member, @NikNik

Well i spoke to my cousin in england this morning. He finally told me my sister has pancreatic cancer. I have thought that for quiet a while. He still seems to be in deniel. Said she was a little better this morning. Then told me she can hardly talk. Still not eating. She is on a morphine drip. They have moved her to a room by herself with special inflatable bed to prevent bed sores. Specialist nurse had been in to see her, sounded like pallative care. At this point there not moving her to specialised ward. So bottom line i feel she doesnt have long.

I phoned my sister here and told her. I ended up going to see her as she was upset. Spent a couple of hours with her.. me im ok, just feeling withdrawn and tired.

Now just found out i have interstate visitors comming in three weeks time. Not asked. Just assumed it would be ok, as they always stay with us. My husband just said it would be ok. I give up!