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Annoyed with myself.

ChrisSenior Contributor27 Jan 2016, 7:09 pm AEDT

Annoyed with myself.

Walked out of group this morning. Found myself getting angrier and angrier. Bottom line was i felt someones emotions were being pushed aside and not vailidated. I felt enraged. I walked away questioning myself as to why i was so angry. Basically it took me back to when i was fourteen and first diagnosis of depression. My father said why are you depressed your young and got your whole life ahead of you.

Those words affected me deeply, and right now i am realising just how much.

I know i did the wrong thing by just walking away this morning. Strong emotion comes up and i run for the hills. I came home and lay on the bed . Slept till 4pm. Still feel withdrawn recoiling within myself.

I had a phone call from the facilitator and i found it hard to find the right words to say what i wanted to say. Obviously my leaving without telling anyone affected the group. So that is something i will have to address next week.

Funny but i kept telling myself to turn around and go back when i realised what it was all about, but i just kept walking.

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In response to: Annoyed with myself.

ChrisSenior Contributor06 Feb 2016, 6:56 am AEDT

Re: Annoyed with myself.

yes caring for myself is not something that i was doing for a long time. It seems to be that this change has taken place

. Actually asking for help. Letting someone know i need help, not so afraid of being rejected. Yes a whole new learning curve. Ive opened up more on this forum, and i am so grateful for the responces and support i have been recieving. It make me feel like someone really cares about me.

I have never felt worthy of being cared for. I have always been the carer, still am in that roll, and that's ok..

I think this psychco dynamic group has been helping alot. I think i said a few days ago my psychiatrist said that is what has helped me the most so far, and to keep going for second round. We have a two week break before the next round starts. There are three of us that are doing a second round.

I find it very hard to see the changes , even when someone points them out. Its like i need them to right it down so i can keep looking at it ,to become more aware of the changes.i kind of go blank like its too much for my brain to handle.

I heard it explained like this. Imagine a fluorescent light globe. It flickers once then stops. Flickers again

The flickers closer together, then it stays on. So awareness and change. Bottom line us it takes time and patience.

In response to: Annoyed with myself.

Unknown userMember06 Feb 2016, 10:28 am AEDT

Re: Annoyed with myself.

I'm so sorry @Chris - sending my condolences. You are such a strong amazing person. I'm glad you are taking time to look after yourself on Sunday, thinking of you
Lj

In response to: Re: Annoyed with myself.

ChrisSenior Contributor06 Feb 2016, 12:27 pm AEDT

Re: Annoyed with myself.

Thanks lisjane. I think this tread has come full circle with a big side track..

So i am going to close this thread as i dont think have anything else to say on either matter.

Thank you to everyone for your posts of encouragement and kind words.

You will see me elsewhere on the forum in the days/weeks ahead.

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