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It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 June 2018, 3:50 pm AEST

It's time I disappear

I've been struggling for awhile and today is a really bad day. I'm emotional overwhelmed angry at my BPD. Not coping. Im having thoughts to disappear fir a while where no one will find me.

I am so confused in my head.

I am thinking my family will be better off without me. I am a bother to then.

Pls tell me I'm wrong. Someone tell me to not do it.

Ir seems wrong but my head is telling me very strongly to do it.

Easilt psck a bag and go.

Fragile is how I feel.

97 replies

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In response to: It's time I disappear

outlanderSenior Contributor08 July 2018, 3:54 pm AEST

Re: It's time I disappear

take care @BlueBay todays nearly over thankfully

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor08 July 2018, 4:24 pm AEST

Re: It's time I disappear

@outlander

Im struggling to focus on one thing atm

I keep thinking of my next session with my psychologist this Thursday. I’m having these visions that I want to go in there and then run away. But when I get to the door I can’t open it. It’s stuck snd I’m stuck intbe room. I’m hysterical because I can’t open her door.

These visions I’ve seen a few times over the week. It’s a bit scary.

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

outlanderSenior Contributor08 July 2018, 4:32 pm AEST

Re: It's time I disappear

@BlueBay i think perhaps it is your constant distress level atm. could you try writing down your concerns to give to her and when you go there tell her about these urges to run away?

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor08 July 2018, 4:37 pm AEST

Re: It's time I disappear

I think I will try to write in my journal @outlander

bit scared to write because I lose it with my emotions. It gets out of control that I end up not writing but crying.

I might write a little bit for her.

There is so much going on in my head at the moment - sh, running away, hiding, crying, self destruction etc.

it’s a constant battle. And I know you understand because of our BPD. Xxx

In response to: It's time I disappear

MDTSenior Contributor08 July 2018, 4:37 pm AEST

Re: It's time I disappear

@BlueBay thinking of you at the moment

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor08 July 2018, 4:38 pm AEST

Re: It's time I disappear

Thank you ❤️ @MDT

Im just getting through day by day. Hour by hour.

How are you? What did you do today?

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

outlanderSenior Contributor08 July 2018, 4:41 pm AEST

Re: It's time I disappear

@BlueBay i find journalling overwhelming tbh but the way i do it now is to list it rather than just keep writing- i write more in dot point version instead so that it gives me time to just think, breathe and then write.

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor08 July 2018, 4:46 pm AEST