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Safe Haven

Safe Haven

Trying to find and create a place to feel nurtured and safe from storms, where I might belong, even if only for a time, where I can feel at home, able to welcome others and share knowledge, feelings, stories and experiences.

I'd so like to share the many stories of what happened to shape me into the person I am today, some I can share, but the most recent stuff, the really scary stuff is caught up in past work related experiences that have to remain secret. This makes understanding the way I percieve the world around me a bit difficult to explain to those who have not had that background.

The last few years have been a turmoil of anxiety issues piled on top of one another, time and time again. It's hard to trust when the ones who should have protected you are the ones who were the most consistent in their abuse of you.

From childhood, mother decided I was out to harm her in some way and took up against me even before I started school, belittling and shaming me as often and as openly as she could. Eventually the siblings took part in that as well, and do so to this day. Except that I no longer hear about it having severed all connections with them to save myself.

Along the way, a kidnapping and sexual assault occurred for which I was blamed by priest and parent alike. Luckily the doctor the school principal eventually forced my mother to take me to gave me what I now understand to have been the morning after pill, and despite it being too long after the event, it worked. Something I didn't realise the truth about until some years later, having been a sheltered and naive child at the time. Clever doctor tricked ma into leaving the room and talking to me on my own.

Fast forward to marriage, children, births and deaths, and domestic violence, and move after move after move for work prospects. An eventual diagnosis of PTSD after being wrongly treated for epilepsy for a year. Then other diagnoses of depression and anxiety and other health factors throughout the years.

The repeated betrayal of a once loved church system, priests, and loved ones has left me emotionally scarred, some of those wounds will never heal, this I know to be true for many of us who have been treated without respect or honour.

Anniversay reactions are problem times, especially when those times occur around the times when others want to celebrate. Religion and divinity references, platitudes and throw away phrases that dismiss the reality of experience have no place in my world.

I just want a place of respite, of recovery, of kindness and consideration, where all who interact are respected and honoured while being respectful and honourable; even if it's only for a time.

After all, to everything there is a season ...

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In response to: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

it just beggars belief @Faith-and-Hope - now I have to move the gp appointment back too, it takes 2 weeks for the data to come through - at least.

Thank you for your supportive outrage, it does make me feel better knowing there's not something wrong with me for feeling the way I do just now.

I'll wait for the image ... probably will log out and come back to check later as I just need to get my head some where else for a bit.

My ghast is well and truly flabbered .... again.

I'm at a total loss, there must be something wrong with me to not be able to take this all in my stride the way I'm expected to.

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

I disagree @Former-Member ..... I think we reach saturation point .... and then “taking things in our stride” becomes like wading thigh-deep in ocean currents with heavy jeans and thick jumper on .....

I don’t know anyone who could have taken what I have come through “in their stride”, and what I have encountered in life is not a patch on some other people’s stories .....

You give yourself a heart-hug and barrel into self-care tonight Hon ..... look after you ..... you matter and you are worth it .....

P.S. .... the image is of Snoopy .... agreeing with both of us .....

❣️

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Sending warm wishes @Former-Member. I think you're an amazing survivor. I resonate with parts of your story. And you write really well. Brave you.

I just read the more recent pages on this thread (above was written after reading the first few pages) - you must be feeling so frustrated tonight. Bugger them for not letting you know they couldn't do it before you prepped yourself. I've had the sleep study done so I understand the anxiety about it too. It's crazy that they think we can sleep with all those wires attached to us! But I was glad overall that I had it done. It ruled out some possible issues. Hopefully it will do that for you too.

I had a very premmie baby who had recurrent apnoeas too so I feel for you about that too. Mine also has a little one of their own now, and another on the way. It's incredible how bubs with such a rough start can turn into really strong young people.

Take care tonight x

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

@Former-Member

oh sweetheart, you have had such an emotional day. im so sorry luv. i wish you hadnt been messed around the way you were.

you never have to justify the way you fee. we all have different ways of reacting to things, and we all have a threshold in terms of what is manageable stress in our lives. there is definintely nothing wrong with you, nothing at all.

thinking of you sweets xxxxxxxxxxxx

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Thank you so much @Faith-and-Hope - I read your response last night and it helped a lot. Your description of wading through water like that resonated so, so well. thank you for your support, I so appreciate it.

Since starting this process of asking for help I took on this year, I've been told so often how easy all these things are and that I shouldn't be causing myself so much distress about things that aren't that important.

It's so disheartening when those saying those things to me are mthe people I'm going to for assistance (help) with moving forward in my life to better manage these mental health issues that have been laid down layer upon layer, through experience, over time.

Snoopy is always smile worthy!

Thank you for your kind and supportive words @eth

@Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Bella1978 @eth @Teej

Thank you all so much for your kindness and support, it helped me through last night and again today. I'd like to say more but I'm still a but numb and dont' seem to be able to say what I want to say.

I managed to push myself into doing some worthwhile things so I won't feel worse about feeling so awful. My fresh ginger that I'd ordered to make my beloved Pickled Ginger, arrived two days ago and I had to put it aside because of everything, so I used that to get me out of bed this morning and do something. I would have been very upset if I had had to toss any of it out because I didn't make myself get to it in time.

I did it in stages - divided it into 2kg lots instead of doing all of it in one go. So, 2kg peeled, mandolined into thin thin slices (no damage to my fingers, as I was ultra careful knowing I was not totally together). Did all the necessary soaking, blanching, sterilising of jars & lids, boiling of vinegar mixture and bottling.

Now I do have a lovely amount of Japanese Pickled Ginger or Gari, which is one of the most favourite condiments I know of. You can buy it, but it always has artificial sweetener which I loathe, so I learned to make and stockpile my own.

I still can't get excited about it like I usually do, but it's a help that I now have some on hand as I'd been out of it for a month or so.

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

sounds like a productive day today @Former-Member hope your feeling a little better tonight

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Yum @Former-Member I love pickled ginger too. Hope you are feeling better today. You're really good at finding activities even when feeling down. Much better than I am. Give yourself a pat on the back

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Thank you @eth and @outlander for your kindnesses.

That image is so pretty and peaceful Outlander. thank you for sharing.

Eth, thank you, unfortunately, doing something to drag myself out of the mire is the only thing I know to do to help myself. I wish I had more/ other skills that would work because it's really hard work pushing myself like that.

I don't know how others manage it, I have to make a decision about how I intend the next moment/ hour/ day/ night to be and work out a way to manage to achieve that. Sometimes it's sleep, but usually it's do something that will have a 'feel good' outcome. I've never self harmed, never used substances, except probably food, to feel better, just pushed myself to 'do something' productive so I have an outcome to see and value.

Some of the methods I used to use, especially to feel a sense of belonging are no longer viable, or useful to me.

Thus I am left to my own devices and to discover what might or might not work to help me gain a 'lift' to reach that next step out of the mire.

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Today I can see more light than darkness around me. I have managed to drag myself out of the mire of despair, through the trials and tribulations that the keepers of the power to help me decided to shove in my way.

I have however, lost much faith in the ability of those keepers of the powers of helpfulness to actually help me. The sense of having been shoved into a vortex of manipulated compliance is still with me, and will influence my attitude as I move forward through these tests and experiments on my health situation.

The unhealthy situation for me is that my mental health is what I'm really, really needing some support with, yet it is being ignored in their sudden quest for me to undergo these new testings.

I'm feeling quite bereft of understanding from these medical people. I need some help to get through the testings people, and you're withholding that help UNTIL the tests are done. One test then the other.

Of course, there is now the waiting game of WHEN this test can be done, the system is still down - I don't understand how the corporate health world can be so out of touch with the real world of setting appointments and keeping them.

So, I fell about as far as I could go. It was touch and go for a while. With little to no reason to continue, the idea of leaving my flat mate with terrible things to deal with gave me the momentum to get up out of the darkness.

I have spent the last 4 days dragging my broken mind and body through hopelessness and despair, until I managed to find some flickering shadows.

Nothing held any brightness, not even my special pickles. That was simply a means to an end so I would not feel even worse for wasting such exceptional produce when all that was needed to make it up was effort.

Effort is so hard to manage when the despair has hold of your heart though. Motivation is so far beyond reach that it's a pie in the sky concept. All I could manage, and really still can manage is to put in some effort toward not being so low, not having such an absence of affect.

I am beyond depressed. I am dead inside. I have accepted this and will now endeavour to find a way to utilise the darkness. I don't feel like I belong here in this darkness though, it's just a stopping off point. There are steps leading out for when I feel strong enough to traverse them.

I have the front door open, my lovely coloured screen is in place so I have some pretty filtered light to offset the darkness.

There is a child outside somewhere who screams incessantly, she sounds like how I feel.

I am silent though because society does not like a grown woman to scream, to rant, to rave, to tell the truth about how even the small things are too much to bear sometimes.

We must hide in the darkness until the darkness claims us for it's own. I used to think I would not go quietly, that I would stand and shout out the untruths until something was done to change the ways of the world, but that was a futile quest, I now see.

While seething inside, I must at least appear to appease the powers who hold my future in their hands.

I do not know what else to do.

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