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Safe Haven

Safe Haven

Trying to find and create a place to feel nurtured and safe from storms, where I might belong, even if only for a time, where I can feel at home, able to welcome others and share knowledge, feelings, stories and experiences.

I'd so like to share the many stories of what happened to shape me into the person I am today, some I can share, but the most recent stuff, the really scary stuff is caught up in past work related experiences that have to remain secret. This makes understanding the way I percieve the world around me a bit difficult to explain to those who have not had that background.

The last few years have been a turmoil of anxiety issues piled on top of one another, time and time again. It's hard to trust when the ones who should have protected you are the ones who were the most consistent in their abuse of you.

From childhood, mother decided I was out to harm her in some way and took up against me even before I started school, belittling and shaming me as often and as openly as she could. Eventually the siblings took part in that as well, and do so to this day. Except that I no longer hear about it having severed all connections with them to save myself.

Along the way, a kidnapping and sexual assault occurred for which I was blamed by priest and parent alike. Luckily the doctor the school principal eventually forced my mother to take me to gave me what I now understand to have been the morning after pill, and despite it being too long after the event, it worked. Something I didn't realise the truth about until some years later, having been a sheltered and naive child at the time. Clever doctor tricked ma into leaving the room and talking to me on my own.

Fast forward to marriage, children, births and deaths, and domestic violence, and move after move after move for work prospects. An eventual diagnosis of PTSD after being wrongly treated for epilepsy for a year. Then other diagnoses of depression and anxiety and other health factors throughout the years.

The repeated betrayal of a once loved church system, priests, and loved ones has left me emotionally scarred, some of those wounds will never heal, this I know to be true for many of us who have been treated without respect or honour.

Anniversay reactions are problem times, especially when those times occur around the times when others want to celebrate. Religion and divinity references, platitudes and throw away phrases that dismiss the reality of experience have no place in my world.

I just want a place of respite, of recovery, of kindness and consideration, where all who interact are respected and honoured while being respectful and honourable; even if it's only for a time.

After all, to everything there is a season ...

137 replies

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In response to: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Thank you @Teej - what a beautiful bouquet of flowers! Thank you, I can smell the fragrance of the stocks and roses! Thank you.

Yes, I'm doing the sleep test tonight. It has to be done, it would have been nice to have had a bit more understanding and support to handle the anxiety though. I just feel as if I've been betrayed yet again. Y'know, get told to ask for help, finally get the courage to ask for help, get slapped down again because, no, you can't have any help until you do what I want you to do. sigh.

I'm just going to shut up and be compliant with them, at least that way it won't get me black marks on my record and have me described as a 'difficult patient'. Hah, they don't keep proper notes anyway because they don't have the time to go to court, so if they don't have notes, they can't be called. So I've been told by my gp, and by the last psychologist. I should stop worrying about that part then I suppose.

The tipping point about the sleep test being so important seemed to come when I told the gp that one of my children was a 'near miss cot death' who had to sleep on a breathing monitor for a couple of years and the issue caused problems for them with other things too.

I agree about the cpap machine being enough to cause depression, the cost, the indignity, the changes to sleeping, the noise ... argh .... but, I am assured that this is the panacea to heal all my wounds.

Let's hope it is all that! Thank you so much for your kindness, I really appreciate it. I shall put the flowers as my wall paper for a time I think!

I hope you are well enough yourself and that your dad is coming good with everything too. If you feel you must go ahead with the sleep test, do get a referral from your gp for bulk billing, it will save you heaps!

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

@Former-Member ..... 🧡💕

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Wishing you courage and strength @Former-Member ...... and hoping for the best possible outcome for you. Will be thinking of you .....

🧡💕

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope that is very kind of you.

I hope your situation has some improvements for you. I can't find where you posted, I know I read about things somewhere. Decisions discussed and made cannot be altered on a whim. Hold tight, @Faith-and-Hope, time to look after yourself so you can continue on with what must be done.

I'm holding tight myself, the only thing that will get me through just now is the 'do what must be done', but it's being very very difficult to suck it up right now.

Best wishes for as good a day as we can hope for anyone who passes by.

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Thanks @Former-Member ..... hearing you .....

Will come looking for you tomorrow here .... I expect you don’t know what time you will be home, but you can post from hospital anyway, right ?

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Hi again @Faith-and-Hope thank you for your care and kindness. I do not have a mobile internet connected device of any kind.

It's an in-home test, have to go to the pharmacy to get fitted up at 6pm - this was a compromise to going to hospital which I simply could not do - but the fitting at the pharmacy is also involves a series of indignities of the type I don't deal well with.

Have to wear clothes I will sleep in - um, not wearing a nightie, not going braless uhuh - so simple dress to sleep in and will get wires and dots and strapped into this thing with thing up nose and everything - then drive home and wear it until sleep time, oh, around midnight or so. Sleep, then somehow remove it to shower and dress to take it back the next day.

Sure, it sounds like it's not much of a big deal at all, if one doesn't have all the anxiety issues about where those dots are going to be put by a man who I'd rather didn't know me that well - but better than having all the extra levels of associated problems with going to the city and doing it in a hospital setting where it's unlikely I'd sleep anyway. sigh.

I sometimes really hate, really really hate the way I have been affected by things that have been done unto me, I hate how I cannot cope without losing my dignity and, well, just cope, the crying, the never ending sadness. Usually I can manage, but the piling on of the everythings has really bowled me over this time.

Something has to change, so one thing at a time. There are three options - make everything stop, do, or not do.

Stopping everything means an end to, well, everything, and that's not a place I'm at right now, so not a viable option.

Not doing means some extra negative sanctions from the caregivers, given I actually want some help with the way I'm experiencing life, not doing is not a viable option.

Therefore, I am doing what must be done.

Have the test tonight, have a gp appointment for a follow up in 2 weeks, so we will see how it goes. It's probably just my anxiety issues screwing with me.

Thank you, I'll check back in tomorrow as soon as I can.

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t find that process confronting and undignified @Former-Member ..... ☹️😔 ..... but as you say, it appears to be the most self-nurturing path forward at the moment.

”Courage, dear heart .... “ ❤️

Sitting with you .....

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Hi @Former-Member

firstly big hugs! Your are going through such a horrid time atm, you poor thing.

Im not surprised you are all over the place and unable to control your emotions. Please know that despite being on your own physically you have us here.

With the sleep test, I would be rather uncomfortable and anxious about it too, I think anyone would be. I really hope that all that needs to be done is the cpap machine despite how daunting it sounds!.

Good luck for tonight and sending lots of hugs sitting with you all the way

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Thank you for the lovely thoughts, image and support @Faith-and-Hope. @

Thank you @outlander for that beautiful bouquet of flowers. Lovely to come home to tonight after the fiasco.

Update:

Survived the day by using all the skills I possess, with numerous discomforts eg: could not use moisturiser after shower 'cos pads wont' stick. So dry skin feeling. Had to use more calmers than usual. Had to drive to pharmacy, flat mate was home so kindly accompanied me, so they had to get sorted.

Waited my turn, only to be told 'sorry, the computerised system for the sleep study data is down, has been for 3 days. Hoped we could get it up and running in time for you tonight, but no luck. Sorry I didn't get to phone you today to let you know.' They knew at 4.30pm it wasn't going to be fixed.

So, when I made the appointment yesterday, the system was down, wasn't told to check before coming in then either.

I feel like I'm in a conspiracy where everyone is colluding to push me through immerson therapy to overcome my anxiety, because 'it's not that bad you know, you'll enjoy it when you get out there'. *&^%! (I know it isn't, but damn, it feels like it.)

Today's Lesson:
There is no point asking for help, SunShower. You should have learned that by now. The few times you've been honest and asked for help, it has not been forthcoming. Get that into your thick head.

Betrayed, punished for asking for help, abandoned ... I don't know how to manage this.

I tied a knot in the end of my rope, so I could hold on a bit longer.

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Oh @Former-Member ..... that is appalling .... ☹️😔😨😡 ..... so hard to understand the lack of empathy in some people ..... grrrr .....

I could get up onto a soapbox here, but I won’t .... I doubt it would make you feel any better, but hopefully slathering yourself with moisturiser and putting on comfortable nightie / jammies will .....

Good grief !!

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