Safe Haven

Sending warm wishes @Former-Member x

Thank you @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @eth your kindness means a lot.

I have spent so many years of my life advocating for others, be it family, friends, work situations, client situations or just strangers with whom I crossed paths. I had a belief, a simple expectation, that doing what I did is what anyone would do for another human being in distress. Either the world has changed or I was more wrong than I could possibly have realised.

A well loved much older cousin once wrote in my autograph book these words from an Adam Lindsey Gordon poem, "Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone, Kindness in another's troubles, Courage in your own", which, from a very young age, I took to heart as values worth cultivating in myself.

I thought other people did the same. I still tend to tend to hope for goodness before seeing the self focused behaviour. I'm always being caught out by my own politeness and naivete. I'm trying to amend that. I want to keep a balance of looking after myself while still having a belief in human kindness. The longer I live, the worse I am being treated, the more I read and see about the awful things perpetrated on others for just almost no reason at all, the harder it is becoming to see.

There are moments of kindness, like the sharing of a burden seen in this forum. I'm trying to focus on those kindnesses, to build a kindness barrier between me and the outside world so I can venture out there again some day.

@Teej @Bella1978 @Shaz51 @Wanderer @CheerBear @OhanaSystem @Bunniekins @frog @Former-Member @Former-Member and others I am sure to have missed ...

Thank you to those who take the time and make the effort to enter into actions of deliberate kindness and consideration toward others, no matter who that person or even animal is.

Someone sees, someone hears, someone reads, someone recognises your kindness whether you know it or not, and it influences their day and how they then choose to interact.

@Former-Member with you my awesome friend xoxo

@Former-MemberYes, with you.

Hello @Shaz51

@Bunniekins

I wanted to thank you for your post asking about the music that gets you up in the morning. I don't have anything of that sort that works for me, but you really got me thinking about music and how I have used music in my life.

My thanks are for the shift in my focus of attention, your question came at a time when I needed something to get me thinking differently, and I am so very thankful to you for posting that.

I didn't feel it right to post what I wanted to say in that thread as my experience of music is way off the topic, so after much deliberation, I have decided to mention it here instead of saying nothing at all.

Getting up in the morning has always been something more or less forced upon me, from childhood, about age 5, mother woke me at 6am to go to the dairy to help father with the milking. Every day for just over 10 years. The waking was not done gently.

After a move to a citified area, the waking for school was done by either shouting at us, or turning the volume of the radio up, and up and up until it would not have been surprising to have seen the dead walking the street outside.

The radio might have been interspersed with cupboard door slamming. If she was up, so should everyone else be. By this time father had already gone to work so missed out on the performances I was privy to.

Later, when working shift work, I was not allowed to sleep in regardless of the shift ending time. Again, the radio on full blast and doors slamming. There was always work to be done even when there wasn't. I moved out as soon as possible.

Holidays would see me and the husband and children visit. Still, there was no respite from being woken, no sleep-in allowed for me. Others, yes; me, no. Closed doors were not respected.

At one stage, after my divorce when myself and the little ones were visiting, she had somehow obtained a copy of Reveille (the military bugle wake up tune) which she played at volume, having first roused the kiddies to see the spectacle of me being woken so rudely.

At other times I have used music to motivate me toward a better outcome in my life, Cat Steven's 'Tea for the Tillerman' album worked to keep me balanced during the year after the bad thing happened. I can recall Deep Purple being influental around that time too.

Toni Childs' 'Gotta Go Now' was the force behind me having the gumption to make the move out of my DV situation, with Tracy Chapman providing back up along the way. I remember when we could call the radio station to have a song played for us.

Queen's 'We Will Rock You' is a marvellous motivator for getting the house work done. The 'Mariner' CD used to be relaxing to go to sleep to.

These are just a few that came to mind as I was thinking the thoughts inspired by your question Pea. I currently can't listen to music, it links into to many other associations that I'm trying to rise above. I need to find something that is new and different, but that I can listen to.

Having sung in so many choirs, choral societies and drama groups as well as having played (badly) a couple of instruments over the years, there are many associations with a very broad range of music, unfortunately. I need something that does not have words, and that I don't know the words to and isn't classical, country or jazz.

The things I used to love no longer work for me.

Some anime theme music is satisfactory but finding a place to obtain it has proven more than difficult.

I shall keep trying. Thank you again for your question.

@Former-Member Thank you for your post. Dont know what to say except I am so sorry that you had to endure this treatment from your mother. To do that is a kind of torture which she obviously got some kind of satisfaction from. To grow up in that situation where you have no choice to be trapped in is awful I know believe me to a lesser degree I know.

There are some songs which I cannot listen to as they remind me of when I was psychotic. I remember that is, one of the few things that I remember, it brings back too many painful memories. Now I prefer new songs which lift my heart and my spirit to move on from my past.

One thing I have found in life there will always be people who want to drag you down perhaps even permanentaly because of their own insecurities and others which what to give you a second chance. I pick my songs on a similar basis. The ones that rise me up I am sticking with whilst the ones of the past that want to destroy me I leave behind. xx

@Former-Member ....... 💜

@Former-Member so much of what you said about kindness, and music resonate with me. I also feel like my politeness and naivity cost me too much. I think compassion is the only way to live a good life, but the world is so bruising.

I went years unable to listen to music at all. Some I will never be able to stand. But from what you said, we must be a similar age... Cat Stevens, Queen, Tracey Chapman... There's a Cat Empire song: Music is the language of us all. I wish I could enjoy it more.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and you too @Bunniekins