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Safe Haven

Safe Haven

Trying to find and create a place to feel nurtured and safe from storms, where I might belong, even if only for a time, where I can feel at home, able to welcome others and share knowledge, feelings, stories and experiences.

I'd so like to share the many stories of what happened to shape me into the person I am today, some I can share, but the most recent stuff, the really scary stuff is caught up in past work related experiences that have to remain secret. This makes understanding the way I percieve the world around me a bit difficult to explain to those who have not had that background.

The last few years have been a turmoil of anxiety issues piled on top of one another, time and time again. It's hard to trust when the ones who should have protected you are the ones who were the most consistent in their abuse of you.

From childhood, mother decided I was out to harm her in some way and took up against me even before I started school, belittling and shaming me as often and as openly as she could. Eventually the siblings took part in that as well, and do so to this day. Except that I no longer hear about it having severed all connections with them to save myself.

Along the way, a kidnapping and sexual assault occurred for which I was blamed by priest and parent alike. Luckily the doctor the school principal eventually forced my mother to take me to gave me what I now understand to have been the morning after pill, and despite it being too long after the event, it worked. Something I didn't realise the truth about until some years later, having been a sheltered and naive child at the time. Clever doctor tricked ma into leaving the room and talking to me on my own.

Fast forward to marriage, children, births and deaths, and domestic violence, and move after move after move for work prospects. An eventual diagnosis of PTSD after being wrongly treated for epilepsy for a year. Then other diagnoses of depression and anxiety and other health factors throughout the years.

The repeated betrayal of a once loved church system, priests, and loved ones has left me emotionally scarred, some of those wounds will never heal, this I know to be true for many of us who have been treated without respect or honour.

Anniversay reactions are problem times, especially when those times occur around the times when others want to celebrate. Religion and divinity references, platitudes and throw away phrases that dismiss the reality of experience have no place in my world.

I just want a place of respite, of recovery, of kindness and consideration, where all who interact are respected and honoured while being respectful and honourable; even if it's only for a time.

After all, to everything there is a season ...

137 replies

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In response to: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

will be back after appt @Former-Member id rather give you a better response than a rushed one and also i dont mind you tagging me anytime

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Surely @outlander drive safely, which Im sure you always do.

We shall talk later. Good wishes.

In response to: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

'floating' to me (others may have other opionions of course) but to me its accepting where we are right now and things can be put aside for now until some strength is regained. ie we are physiclally sick and need to focus on that a little more atm rather than finding solutions to our mh problems. do the bare minimum and the basics- hygeine, sleep/rest, eating, drinking- if possible some exercise and doing the things you like to do like arts and crafts. so yes kinda like what you said too as well as recognising thats all you can do right now. does that make sense?

oh im glad youve found some crafty sites i often look at lots of art stuff too

@Former-Memberalso hoping you managed some rest today

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Ah, yes, I see @outlander. I don't know what I call it, it's just a state of being for me, something I have learned to mostly ... accept, at least for a time. When I have to not do things, well, of course, I have to, just like when I have to do things to get an outcome I want, I just have to. Yeah, don't know what I'd call it.

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Today is a much better day, thank goodness, feeling better than I have for months, so a good day so far. Have washed up and tidied floors (vacuumed - if I'm going to be sick, I want to be sick in a nice clean tidy place - how's that for silliness - probably comes from all the hospital stays for surgeries and illnesses over the years).

Only thing that really needs thinking about today is what to do about running out of bread. Choices are making bread, making damper, making scones. I'm thinking damper as it will be more effective I think.

Sewing projects that might be done today too. A couple of small things to catch up on.

Yes, that will help with feel good feelings too.

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

you can call it whatever you like @Former-Member or not a name at- whatever works for you really as long as your getting through the days ok/ish.

sounds like the meds are working which is good, being sick is the worst. hope you got what you needed to do today done and it was ok for you, thanks your your support on my thread as well earlier today

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

hey @Former-Member how are you going? youve been pretty quiet too, hoping everythings going ok, but know we are here for you too

In response to: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

@Former-Member 💌💌
Hoping you can check in soon.

In response to: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Thank you @Former-Member im here if you want to talk ❤

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

Good Morning @outlander thank you for thinking of me. It is very kind of you to check in with me.

I hope you are doing okay yourself. I have not read anywhere else just yet, so am not up to date, I'm sorry.

Update for anyone interested.

Yes, it has been a lilttle while now since I was here.

Firstly, the infection that cancelled my sleep test then got worse and I had to see a second gp not my own, for more meds for it. The longer time on one of the meds increased the nausea to a debilitating level. Thankfully, that med is now finished. Only a day left on the other one now.

Managed to see my usual gp on Tuesday which I was quite looking forward to in a way because I'd decided I would ask for anti-depressants as the situation has gotten out of my control.

My management plan was to get something to lift myself out of the currently deep depression so I could undertake the sleep test without the accompanying anxieties that the situation holds for me.

What followed was something I could not have expected, not in my wildest dreams. This is a gp who I have had come to trust,not completely, but more than I trust most these days. It turns out that something has concerned the gp to the extent that no more medications will be given until I do the sleep test. There was also lots of talk about tests for cancer because of a familial death from it and my stomach issue. This does nto concern me, but I was interested to note how differently I would be treated if cancer showed to be present. Apparently all barriers to treatments would be removed. Gobsmacked I was.

I was, and am, devastated. My anxieties are through the roof, really seriously, and my depression is such that it's a major effort to type this. I can't think, I'm constantly crying or teary.

I was this bad before seeing the gp which was why I wanted something to help - I don't ask for anti depressants because there's other issues with most of them for me and the gp is aware of that. We had discussed the option at the last session before gp went on holidays, so this refusal was a big surprise to me.

The reason - because anything given might supress the waking reflex and I might not wake up and he'd be responsible for not using best practices and prosecuted for my death.

The legalities of duty of care are something I do understand, but I'm already taking sleep inducers each night, and am expected to take them to get through the sleep test, so it doesn't make sense.

I'm being blackmailed into doing the sleep test when I really am not in a place to be able to do it without causing some serious emotional overload for me. But, there it is - do it or medical services are being withheld. There is nothing else I can do.

So, sleep test is to be tonight.

I'm just dead inside.

I'd like to talk it out with someone, but there's no help to be had, nothing to be done to change anything and I don't even know what I'd say to talk it out.

I think I'm in shock because speaking coherently about it is just impossible. Thankfully the pharmacy people are good, kind and caring and understood me through the crying to get the appointment sorted.

Maybe it will all go okay and then I'll get to find out what the big issue that has suddenly scared the gp is.

Apparently if it is lack of oxygen, then all my woes will go away with the fitting and use of a cpap machine.

Yeah, right, I believe in magic and fairies and flying pigs too.

In response to: Re: Safe Haven

Re: Safe Haven

I’ve been thinking of you too and noticed your absence @Former-Member. I’m really surprised too but I think if it were me I’d try everything I could through the sleep test and then see if your gp changes their mind re antidepressants. My dad has just gone through the sleep test and his results were terrifying. He’s going through all the dramas of using the cpap which alone looks like it’s enough to cause depression. It’s also made me aware that I probably need to do the test too. I feel like that is overwhelming too although using the machine I think will be overwhelming too.

It sounds like you’ve had a really rough trot with your health. That must have taken its toll on you, it would me I know. I hope you have your hankies lined up and anything else that will help just a bit to get through. Thinking of you and wishing you luck. 💜🤗

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