Living with Ourselves

Hello @maddison

Thank you for taking the time to write to me some time ago.

As you are probably aware I have been absent for a while now.

I have needed to take some time away from the forums to ground myself back within reality.

Due to life circumstances this was an important factor in looking after my health as a whole.

Well, yes we do share some similar characteristics and at the same time have our own uniqueness which of course is only human.

Your letter was very touching and I do appreciate your words.

We have really only encountered one another briefly through interactions with others.

I look forward to getting to know @maddison more.

We are both godmothers of @tonys calves after all.

Moo is the last interaction that we had I think laugh.

I hope that your life continues to improve also @maddison as I briefly read that you, yourself are struggling with situations.

You are still managing to keep up your sense of humour and I love the connection that you have with @tonys .

Sophia1

Hello @Jacques

I am sorry that I have not been in touch for a while.

I have needed to take some time out.

I read somewhere that you are feeling quite low.

You also mentioned your girlfriend is having difficulties with a daughter.

Teenagers!

If you want to talk about anything.

talk away.

I will get back to you as soon as I can.

I have not had daughters; only sons.

However; I have been a daughter. I have been a teenager.

Whatever you feel comfortable with.

I am here for you when I can be.

Sophia 1

@Sophia1 . hey there Sophia, Saw traces of your footprints tiptoeing through the website,

Bit worried about you my friend. I've never seen any one pushing such a heavy barrow,

Some how i ended up on a thread called "ever wonder why' so i'm glad i found you in this one. You have very good friends here.

Grounding yourself back in reality, sounds like you are being assertive and taking control, Good work Sophia. I hope with all my heart that a fair winds blow your way. Wish i could put you in a small campervan on happy trails out west, I know thats running away, but it worked wonders for me. Threw the rear vision mirror out the window along with a few ghost and there luggage, You are smart and determined and you'll find you're way out of the woods on your own terms. Have you still got that old ball of string i gave you.

Down periscope, and take all the time you need. Always with you. tonys moonbase one

Hi again @Sophia1 , I better say first that in the time you have been away, i have learnt to fly the space shuttle. I have not learnt to fly my computor . sooo having just sent a letter to you i found this one which affirms what i thought you were struggling with.

Yes i should avoid suggesting some one to help, it puts you both in a spot doesnt it... Its the farmer and the rescuer in me..... Lesson learnt..

You are able to look at things through the eyes of an adult.. Me ..... well the doc says i have the mind of a child. ... . . . which i doesnt bother me, never had one so i guess im ok with being one now. It does mean however that my solutions can be simplistic at times. I hate doing dishes. I have one pot, one spoon, and big fingers with bite marks in them. think you get my drift, so forgive my clumsy suggestions.. There are some way more grounded thinkers than me in this place , so helps only a key stoke away.

You have had some major loses and .... the whole twin scenario,.... . . what a mind job..

Don't know how i would come to terms with all that.

I shall stick to submitting my rural reports and adventures in the city in the hope i can make you laugh ..... For me its good enough knowing you are my special friend, and im here to share the road however rough or mysterious... .. .. .. or wonderful .. when ever, where ever..

tonys moon base one..

@Sophia1

So very glad to see your name in my notifications. We have walked together for a few years now.

I like that you wrote you do not want to be fixed but want to be read to @tonys I feel similarly.

I think sometimes under pressure I can seem abrupt or curt. It is partly due to not being heard a lot and feeling I have to compress a lot into a small amount as attention at any age was very fleeting.

So sad about your boy in another episode. It is not easy to witness and must stir up many feelings and sense of urgency.

I tried to support my mother and guide her into a broader manner of dealing with my brother and sister when they were in psychosis. Mother had an uneducated dogmatic religious approach. She had deep feelings too, but never prepared to discuss anything real life, as in the effect of being in different orphanages and foster parents and any of that. She closed down on all conversation like a ton of bricks. Then at the end of her life informed me that God had let her know they had gone to heaven. She had little empathy for my son or I, and our struggle, which was probably partly related to violent occurrences when my brother was psychotic and my children were infants or toddlers.

Your ex has his own perspective on his son's psychotic experiences. It is weird that my ex does not seem to be able to have empathy for my son in his. There can be a competitiveness or something. The son and the father are very different people and are becoming polarised on political outlook now. At the moment we are going grindingly slow. I bought new bedding and some furniture for son's bedroom and doing a room upgrade. Accepting that is where he spends his time and trying to make it better for him. His room was fine for a little boy but is pretty small for a man.

Controlling people. Ahhh. 3 years is a lot. Sounds like she may have been envious of your friendship. Poor form to pick on you when you were most vulnerable. I am weary of socialising, but our friendship means a great deal to me.

I am loving my garden at the moment. Spring is beautiful and we have been here 20 years so all the slow care I have put into covering the fences with climbers fills the windows with bursts of greenery and flower and movement as the wind blows through. It is very enclosed, a tiny courtyard and the back is only 2 metres. Not enuff to swing a cat or for a large man to let off steam, but there a lot of windows so it looks good.

@Appleblossom hello .... Its not often my navigational skills find you're letters, but the few long ones that i have read felt uncomfortably close to my old bone yard, and , well i had a few tears reading them. I can't help feeling that you, "being staunch , humble , and old school." will only ever let little bits out , you just go through the years carrying your end of the log and never ... winging.

I really don't know what to say about that. what i did want do say was , you are so right about people not being good listeners, and the life long impacts that has. Blokes are especially bad at it . I know .... I'm one.

Being Christmas, i also wanted to thank you, I always wonder who supports my posts, even the crook ones , and more often than not its you mate.

So , sorry to bother you in the festive season ,

but i felt the urge to say, you epitomise what it is to be a " quiet achiever, and a survivor " and most of all , i admire you're maturity. tonys moonbase one

thank you so much @Sophia1 my beautiful friend, i really appreciate your friendship. yes you are right the joys of teenagers. i hope we can get her back on track in the new year.

hugs my friend, you never need to appologise for taking time out for you. 🙂

@Sophia1 Hello Sophia1. thank you for your post. I have carefully read you words and believe they come from a deep place within. I will gladly read your words whenever you write them. Please do not be afraid to write openly and freely as I know there is a writer within you with a lot to say. You are not intruding reading my words as they are intended for all. Look forward to reading your future posts.

Kind Regards

Wordman

Thanks mate @tonys means a lot to me.

Tag me anytime. Festive season is pretty low key here.

Hello @tonys

You have set me a challenge laugh. Two kites to answer.

I thrive on challenges.

My current state of mind might not respond accordingly though.

Here goes. Hopefully will make sense.

a small campervan on happy trails out west

Enticing most definitely

I shall allow my mind to dream of a journey to happy trails out west.

My first thought was wild west......Northern American Indian culture. I have had a huge interest in this area for as long as I can remember.

I was born within the vicinity. Anonymity keeps me from saying more.

You can probably work it out having said that. No matter.

If you are interested I will send you a link. There are many on you tube..

I have my favourites.

Oh my campervan will need to be protected from reptiles of any breed, size or shape.

This means might have to be suspended in air.

Perhaps you have such a futuristic model at moon base one?

The campfire draws me. I love collecting firewood.

Not too great at rubbing two sticks together though.

I will encourage some native animals to protect my presence with the assistance of the local tribes.

In response to second email.

I am a child and will never grow up.

So no apologies there.

That is what shines through; your ability to be in touch with you, the child.

You will have your own way of describing this as each of us does if open to such a concept.

It is what I sense between your words and within the depths of your thinking that tells me you have a wealth of knowledge from life. Far more valuable than institutional education alone.

I myself have post concussion symptoms that flare up and interfere with my speech without warning.

Mine is classified as mild brain trauma.

However when I look back over my years on this planet I can recall several bumps to my head at different ages.

I fell at two years of age and a piece of jagged wood sticking up from the ground would have done more than leave a visible wound.

All part of the colours of our character.

Many of us on here can account to memory loss due to whatever symptoms of mental unwellness we might experience at any given time.

Trauma is a huge factor in memory loss.

There is little I remember about my childhood.

So no need to apologise about memory loss on here.

I have often been called aloof.

The way I write is not much different to the way I converse with people.

Many people do not listen.

They either cut me off or talk to someone else.

That is the majority of people; focussed on themselves with their eyes and ears closed to the world around them.

I have been a very strong listener from a very young age.

People intrigue me and many in real life annoy me also.

I have always been a one to one person not interested in group conversations.

You have endured much within your lifetime and I truly hope that during your dark moments you can seek your light and find comfort also in knowing that you have made several new friends on the forum.

You are an extremely resourceful person and live your life by these standards which I congratulate on not judge you.

Please do not apologise for being you.

I do not see you as clumsy at all.

I envisualise you as being a gentle giant. Somehow I think that you might be tall.

Perhaps that vision comes from the towering strength that you emit throughout your special kites always thoughtfully written to whomever you are responding to.

You most definitely are a special friend for me.

I love your parting words of

here to share the road however rough or mysterious... .. .. .. or wonderful .. when ever, where ever..

Hand on heart it is lovely to have another special friend on the forums within my circle of friends.

I am also here for you when I can be.

I do not always receive notifications.

I also only receive them via my computer not my mobile phone.

You are part of a family here now @tonys

Warm thoughts of friendship coursing through the energy waves seeking a very special farm with very special calves.

Two of which are named Sophia and @maddison

Moo

Sophia1

I have a significant gum tree which is my grounding space

Ps Sorry about the book I wrote and sent